I just want to kill him today

[Fifyfomum]

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Your poor son.

If this is how angry you are getting at words on the screen, God only knows what you are like in real life.

Your son will never learn if you are angry. He is probably terrified.

I'm not upset though?
You are.
You are the one posting for advice in the behaviour / development section, not me - I am here in an attempt to help but you don't want to listen.
My point - which you miss spectacularly again - is that you ARE using the word animal in a perjorative sense as you do not refer to the total number of 'animals' in your house, just refer to those who annoy you as animals. Think about it. Please go and get some help. You NEED it.

My child (the one that refuses to use the toilet) knows to wait to poo until DH gets home.

That smacks of full comprehension to me.

Bearing in mind we have had input from the HV, a specialist HV, nursery, a childrens play worker etc and NONE OF THEM have a solution. NONE

Eyelet - is that the same DD you posted about last week who has a development delay?

She does - but no physical delay - she has been considered well and truly able to use a toilet by professionals. She just chooses not to.

I meant that OP needs help with her anger.
Toilet training can wait.

Oookay. Read thread. Slightly frightened. If your husband is there, isn't now a good time to leave the house solo and calm the frig down?
He might be being a pita, but he is still a little human being with feelings. Turn the tables around. Imagine that you are him. Would you feel okay with someone that loves you, much bigger than you, shouting or no, you can see they are getting angry or upset, because you won't sit on the loo. Or because you pee yourself afterwards?
So, would you dig your heels in because it's quite funny, or because you resent being made to feel that way?
Or would you be so frightened that you eventually comply so they show they love you again?

Either way, the end result is crap. Back off, chill out. It's not supposed to be a battle, you're supposed to do it together. Yeah, it can be a bit stressful, but the way things are going doesn't exactly sound like they are progressing in a positive way. Change your tactics and pick your battles.

Ah, right, okay, OP.......

fifty, I can sympathise with how you're feeling (though I do think you need help with your anger). My DS is wee trained but not poo. He's 4 and 3 months . We're getting a referral to a GI paediatrician to check whether there are any physiological reasons for his inability to poo on the potty or toilet. Meanwhile, we go through two packs of pants a week and live in a permanent smell of shite. It's beyond depressing.

As you seem to only understand sentences with swearing in them OP you need to try again.

You need to chill the fuck out.

But what if you have backed off, four, five, six, seven times?

What if you know they are ready and capable?

What if they are suffering because they are in nappies?

For us at least we have professionals involved in our toilet refusers care - because she is suffering from nappy use - and yet they conclude she is ready, able and comprehends and yet we still have no joy.

Fishandjam - the smell of shite is also constantly here. In August our child is being a bridesmaid at a very large wedding - along with TWO other children, BOTH are dry and clean and happy to be dry and clean.

Mine smells because the nappies aren't working. Pullups don't last either

OK, so he can hold it until he has a nappy or pants on, that shows that he can be potty trained. I think you have to keep going OP. He's gone in the toilet, he can do it again.

Maybe instead of him sitting there for half an hour at a time interact with him normally but every 15 minutes take him to the toilet? Then he hopefully won't get into that standoff of showing you how long he can sit on the toilet without pissing.

Plus - and this one makes me very sad

The other children at her nursery don;t want to play with her because she smells. They tell her she is a baby and quite honestly who can blame them?

Is no one allowed to be angry anymore?

Surely it's better for the OP to vent her anger here?

Everyone gets angry, happy,sad, whatever, we all do.

No one can tell you that you can't feel that way.

I would think it's much better to vent your anger at an Internet forum rather than a child, everyone seems to be assuming that the OP is taking this anger out on her child when I would have thought the whole point of directing anger here is so it isnt directed at the child?

My son has ASD.

I know he was physically ready. He knew when he needed to go and would wait to get home to do a poo every day.

But mentally he wasnt ready, so I backed off over and over again. He was finally dry last summer, age 6.

Imagine trying to learn Russian, you are reading out loud this language you have never read before and every time you make a mistake someone starts creaming and shouting at you. How would that make you feel??

I really hope the 'wait until they're ready brigade' are reading the stories here from parents and will stop giving that advice. Children should start being potty trained when they are 2, whether they are ready or not.

I appreciate that you are using this thread to vent, and that is great - but your posts are so angry that I would be very surprised if some of that anger wasn't coming out at home and affecting your DS's behaviour. If your DH is now home, I would suggest you take yourself out for the rest of the day and calm down. I'm not the most patient person at all, and I think literally stepping away is the best thing right now.

I can see that it is immensely frustrating, I can see how your DS's behaviour is really getting to you (it feels so personal, doesn't it) - but he's only 3. Circumstances outside of both of your control are dictating a timeframe (nursery in the present and school in the future), forcing your DS to do something which is not natural to him right now. No idea if this is practicable for you, but don't forget that he doesn't have to start school in September if you don't feel he's ready.

It could well be worth talking to your HV, they may be able to help with this.

I'm not fucking screaming and shouting at him.

I'M SCREAMING AND SHOUTING AT YOU.

Eyelet - my DS has no real physical delay. However he does have a severe developmental delay so struggles with other aspects of the whole toilet thing.

I am 15 months into a toilet training programme and he is better but still miles away.

I get very angry some days with all the cleaning up. But I know he's not doing it on purpose.

Coooeeee

Fancy a virtual pint?

OP: It sounds like you are exhausted, pissed off, and in desperate need of a

If your DS can sense this, it might be the reason he is also tense.

Bloody hell op
Was going to post some ideas but you know what fuck it, I'll save them for someone who will appreciate it!

You talk to people like absolute shit.
God knows how you talk to your poor kid.