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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I just want to kill him today

784 replies

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 07:45

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

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Original poster

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:10

I think it IS possible for him right now, he has the muscle control to hold his urine, he knows what the toilet is. He is probably a bit confused today because instead of the potty we are now using the toilet but that is more advice I have taken from here that doesnt seem to have worked

Am going to go out with the dog in a minute and then come back and have a bath. Husband will deal with him for a bit and has been dealing with him for the last hour or so.

OP posts:

Weliveinabeautifulworld · 28/03/2014 14:11

Honestly if I were you I'd just stick a nappy on him, cuddle up with him on the sofa and watch one of his DVDs, and then try again tomorrow.

Thumbwitch · 28/03/2014 14:11

I'm not sure this is going to help you because your DS sounds like he's deliberately being a PITA about it, but my DS1 didn't toilet train for wees until he was 3.10.
He'd been pooing in the loo for about a year before that, but he had absolutely no idea when he was going to do a wee, and I'm just absolutely not up for clearing piss up all the time, so left him and left him until he finally got it - at 3.10. And then he got it in a week. I kept him in night nappy pull-ups for a while after that, but he almost never weed in them; and he did have a few accidents, when he'd been playing and not realised how much he needed a wee, so when he stood up there was no holding it; but it was only a few times.

The only time he wet the bed was when we forgot to make him go to the loo last thing before he went to bed; and that's only happened 3 times (he's 6.4 now).

DS1 never poo'd on the potty at all; he went straight to the loo (which was good!). He did do wees on the potty when made to; but the knowledge of when it needed to happen was just missing. Because he would need to take his nappy off to do a poo, he was in pull-ups for the year.

I'm not sure if your DS has been in pull-ups - did you say? Sorry if you did, I found them very useful, but I know some people think they're a soft option and don't like to use them.

Your DS sounds like he knows he's winding you up and is having fun with it, which is pretty unhelpful. I don't know how to handle that kind of behaviour so am not going to suggest anything! But will keep this thread for when DS2 gets to this point, as I have no doubt in my mind at all that he will be very similar to your DS.

Good luck - and to Eyelet too for your DD.

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:12

My HV (like every other fucker) says 'oh wait until he is ready' which has got us NOWHERE he should have been made to start potty training at 2 when he WANTED to please us, not now when he doesnt give a shite.

I frankly want to collect all the people who patted me on the fucking head when I mentioned potty training and said 'wait until he is ready, he will just get it when he is three' put them all in a cardboard box and shake them.

OP posts:

firstchoice · 28/03/2014 14:12

No one is telling the OP she cant feel angry.

But quite a few are saying she needs help with her anger as
a. it sounds completely out of proportion and potentially damaging for a young child
b. it will be completely counterproductive in this situation.

IF this is cathartic for the OP and prevents her unleashing her anger on her child then good. But I still refer to my point above.

I remember 'potty training' and the need to be vigilant and really concentrate on it. It might just help?

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 14:12

Few months ago (after having her checked over for UTI and other physical issues) we were about 4 days into PT Round x and she had been taken to the loo as the 'poo face' was there.

She 'tried' and 'tried' and we washed hands, then she walked away from me, squatted, shit on the floor, stood up smiled at me and walked off. < I would say she understands this pretty well.

RiverTam · 28/03/2014 14:12

Eyelet - I would speak to the nursery about the name-calling. There is a girl in DD's nursery class and DD said that some of the children called her a baby - I pointed out pretty sharply that no-one in her class was a baby (they're all due to start school in Sept) and that is was mean to call her a baby just because she was in a nappy and I would be very cross if DD ever called her (or any other child in her class for that matter) a baby.

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:13

I am not putting a nappy on him in the day again. That would be a complete waste of time.

OP posts:

YoDiggity · 28/03/2014 14:13

Eyelet have you thought about telling your DD that unfortunately she cannot be a bridesmaid unless and until she agrees to use the toilet, because no-one wants a bridesmaid that smells of poo?

Mommypolls8 · 28/03/2014 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:15

It isn't that simple River when other children even now, at nursery, talk about nappies they say 'Oh I don't wear a nappy, I am not a baby' because that is naturally what you say when you want your child to stop wearing a fucking nappy and shit in the loo like a normal human of that age.

So the association is there and the association is enough.

OP posts:

firstchoice · 28/03/2014 14:15

And if you think that you can be THIS angry and your son(s) don't sense it, ("I am not screaming and shouting at them I am screaming and shouting at you") you are quite wrong.

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:16

I am a fucking awful mother of course. For wanting my CHILD to actually be able to handle a normal human activity and be on par with his friends. What a fucking cunt I am.

I actually think I AM a fucking awful mother because instead of listening to my own common sense I 'waited until he was ready' to fucking potty train and now I have a nearly fucking 4 year old who is unable to shit and piss in the right place. I know I am a shit mother, I have proof of it here.

OP posts:

YoDiggity · 28/03/2014 14:16

Fify did it not occur to you to just ignore everyone else and go with your gut feeling? You sound as though you were remarkably passive and impressionable when making your parenting decisions. That's not a dig - I can see this is really distressing you, but I don't know why you felt so pressured into listening to all these people instead of just getting on with potty training when you felt the time was right.

MissUumellmahaye · 28/03/2014 14:16

Can you present it to him as if the toilet is his choice because he doesn't like the potty?

We had this in microcosm, DD didn't want to sit on the potty, but also panicked when she was about to wee, so we had to hold her onto it by brute force for the first couple of times. We had to go through with it even though I felt awful, she's such a risk-averse ninny that if we'd waited until she willingly sat on the potty she honestly would have taken FOREVER.

FastWindow · 28/03/2014 14:16

I had a bit of a nightmare with ds3.9 and he still has accidents most days (too distracted) and is still in pull ups at night. That hormone hasn't kicked in yet.

My biggest lifesaver when out and about (bar the bag of clothes) was a plastic-backed seat cover. Just a little square of material. Saved the car seat a few times.

Also second a pp who said Pirate Petes Potty book. Quite good fun pressing the button that goes 'yaaaaay!'

Sounds like you are giving yourself an undeserved kicking OP. Cut yourself some slack, it's the least fun bit I can think of. Including my dd 6mo who likes biting while bf.

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PirateJones · 28/03/2014 14:17

Could it be that he's having trouble "getting started" when he pees? you could try getting him to lightly press his tummy above his groin / under his belly button and see if that starts the stream off when he is bursting.

RiverTam · 28/03/2014 14:17

no, don't put a nappy on.

He may well be getting a bit confused as you've implemented a couple of new things today, so I would wait and see how they bed in.

That's annoying that the HV is being useless. Is there a team of them - could you speak to another - I know a lot of them are crap (sorry, any HVs out there, but they weren't up to much for me) but some can be real miracle-workers.

Taking the dog out and having a bath sounds an excellent plan.

The weather forecast is good for this weekend so hopefully lots of bottoms off time should help.

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:18

With most of my parenting decisions I did a combination of what felt right and what I heard spoken with the most sense.

With potty training I had no fucking idea. Impressionable and literally EVERYONE from professional to woman in the park to fucking Mumsnet told me to wait until he was ready EVERYBODY.

OP posts:

YoDiggity · 28/03/2014 14:18

And if he really loves nursery then when you keep him home for a few days and nappyless, just tell him that he is not allowed to go back to nursery until he can use the loo because he's too big to have his nappies changed by the staff, and they won't do it anymore.

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 14:18

YoDiggity she doesn't care, but I have told the bride to be to have a stand in because I am not having her walking up the aisle in nappies. There is simply no incentivising her (and thats where the dev delay comes in)

I should so be working but my BP is through the roof thinking about all of this.

RiverTam · 28/03/2014 14:19

sorry, x-post. Yes, that's probably very true .

YoDiggity · 28/03/2014 14:19

here, have

SouthernComforts · 28/03/2014 14:20

The venom and anger towards your child is disgusting OP.

Grow up, calm down and be the adult instead of ranting and raving like a lunatic on the internet.

Your son is probably terrified of the whole potty training idea if this is how you are approaching it.

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