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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

I just want to kill him today

784 replies

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 07:45

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

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Badvoc · 28/03/2014 12:47

He will not potty train until he is physiologically and emotionally ready.
No matter how oissed off you are.

Treaclepot · 28/03/2014 12:47

Fify, have you considered getting the 18 month old to use the potty to. Kill two birds with one stone. Make it into a game, two of mine starting using a potty at 17 months (though not dry at all), and then one was completely out of nappies by 2, then othere at around 2.2 (my eldest was nearer 3).

I think the earlier yu start the more 'compliant' they are.

Also ime a bit of potty competition works wonders. (Just dont make the big one feel shit for not getting it yet)

Lilybensmum1 · 28/03/2014 12:53

Wow so much negativity and all the swearing I'm scared just reading this, he is only 3 it is hard work but the more angry you are the harder it is, I remember being frustrated about potty training and anger is not helpful, he will get it take a step back so what if he pees on the floor a couple of times he will learn! Good luck.

OatcakeCravings · 28/03/2014 13:00

Bribery worked for my son. He was over three when toilet trained, his problem I think was laziness he just couldn't be bothered to go to the loo when he was sitting watching TV and didn't want to interupt what he was doing when playing. Having wet or poopy pants didn't bother him at all. I was in despair after 2 weeks of changing him multiple times a day so I bribed him, with good stuff! I went to Asda and I bought 7 good toys (I'm talking £5 each type things) and set them on the windowsill of the toilet. Explained to him that he could choose one at bed time if he had no accidents in his pants for the whole day. And that was it, he didn't have a single accident from the moment those toys appeared. After a week going to the toilet was just habit.

Mrs2boys · 28/03/2014 13:00

Not read the whole thread but have you tried letting him stand to wee? I'm sure you have but our DS1 was just not able to relax sat on the potty or toilet, he would only pee standing up and 'weeing like Daddy'. Other than that, he really WILL get there and chocolate buttons can solve a whole hell of a lot when it comes to kids Wink .

Lilybensmum1 · 28/03/2014 13:08

Glad it seems to be improving and you gave some advice that might help, hope you feel better raising kids is so stressful in a way people without cannot understand, on the plus side at least you will be forearmed when training DS 2 he might also be ahead just seeing his brother in the potty etc. good luck. :)

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 13:24

He wont stand to wee, he's just pissed himself in his pants so I sat him on the loo and he is refusing to wee on the loo as well. I have told him that he can't have pants on. He has just come and fucking sat there SPRAYING urine having just sat ON THE FUCKING LOO for half an hour because he will NOT wee. He is quite happy to be wet and uncomfortable, he doesnt give a shit. The IDEA of trying to fucking potty train the baby AS WELL as all this has almost tipped me over the fucking edge. The dog will piss on our bed if she gets anywhere near it so basically I am dealing with fucking TWO animals in my house that wont fucking piss where they are supposed to.

OP posts:
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 13:26

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Fairylea · 28/03/2014 13:29

You need counselling if you're getting this angry about it.

He is a child. He will learn. He won't be 18 and still peeing in his pants. I know you're upset and disappointed but honestly it's not going to change anything so you need to calm down and just shower him with lots of praise and keep trying.

firstchoice · 28/03/2014 13:35

"basically I am dealing with fucking TWO animals in my house that wont fucking piss where they are supposed to"

Shock He is a very young child, not an animal Shock

OP, please call your health visitor or GP for some support as you sound like you need it. The levels of anger you are displaying on this thread is really worrying.

cuggles · 28/03/2014 13:37

I initially really felt for you because as I said before I found training really awful, I was the one with the DD weeing in the ball pit requiring it being shut after weeks and weeks of training! In a last ditch attempt to offer suggestions....have you a DH/P who can take a day or two off work perhaps to help as you are not coping with it or a kindly granny to help you and offer moral support?? Having said that, whilst I have no issue with swearing I can not believe you would refer to your DS as a fucking animal so I for one am fucking off as requested!

catbus · 28/03/2014 13:39

Not managed to read the entire thread. Boys are notoriously slower than girls to start using the loo, apparently, in whichever form that may be.
Fwiw, with DS1, I think I tried a few times around the age your son is now. Nothing doing .
I tried again on his 4th birthday and it was sorted within a week. No pressure, no stress.
Yes, I did find it quite a concept to get my head around, having had two DDs prior who were dry at two and three.

DS2 is 3.6 months. I might give it a whirl with him in the warmer months.

Are you projecting your frustration around him, about this- because from how it reads, you'd have to be a master of disguises to not?!
I get that potty stuff/toilet stuff is a pita, but honestly, I would be more worried about creating a problem or fear of using the loo.
If it's a battle of wills because you really think he can control it, then I doubt you'll win without creating problems or regression further down the line.
If it's not that, then he simply might not have the necessary signals going on that get him to the loo on time.
Three is still little. Sometime down the line this will all be a distant memory. There are so many worse things to be getting pissed off about than this.

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 13:39

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TantrumsAndBalloons · 28/03/2014 13:40

I think it's quite easy for people to say oh don't worry, calm down, it will happen eventually Etc

I'm sure it will happen eventually.

But when you are in the midst of it, it's a fucking nightmare.

And the OP sounds like she has the added pressure of nursery/school to deal with.

I'm pretty sure she isn't actually shouting and screaming at her DS.

catbus · 28/03/2014 13:40

Typo there- DS2 is 3.6 years, to clarify. I'm not about to embark on 'training' a 3 month old..

Lilybensmum1 · 28/03/2014 13:44

I was starting to feel sorry for you, those of us that have children know how stressful it is but clearly you have issues and are very very unpleasant to refer to your child as an animal!! tbh swearing is the least of your issues, poor kids you need help.

cuggles · 28/03/2014 13:44

Ahh ok fair enough re: animals! I will fuck off in a moment but..glad your husband is there...can you go out for a while as I found the being stuck in the house the worst bit really? Despite my comments just now you do have my sympathies OP it is really, really hard, esp. when they are older and you feel the time pressure re school etc. Get away from situation now, have a cuppa, chocolate whatever for a while. I may or may not fuck off actually as I really want you to have success and read the positives!...and you will never know if I lurk!!! Wink

pilotsprincess · 28/03/2014 13:45

Who told you to wait untill he's ready or after he turned 3?

Just asking because you sound abit contradictive in one sentence you say all your friends potty trained at 2, so who gave you the opposite advice?

I would stay at home, with no nappy on untill it's sorted out, no shouting but no backing down either.
Hard work but will be worth it.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 13:46

Its also quite easy for people to say 'oh how dare you use emotive language when you are upset and emotional! How dare you refer to the son that you birthed and fed (as mammals do) as an ANIMAL! OMG your awful!'

but actually fuck it. I am fucked off, he is now running around holding his penis again demanding that I put pants on him so he can piss in them! He is talking in a baby voice and being a pain in the arse. Potty training fucking sucks and I refuse to kerb my emotion here as well as everyone else.

OP posts:
catbus · 28/03/2014 13:47

OP- your DS will be one of the littlies at school. Accidents aplenty and extremely common. I would try and take the pressure off by remembering that Sept is 6 months away. Usually, when you and your child are on the same level and working together as opposed to a full on battle, the process is sorted within a week or two.

If you're feeling that worked up, why don't you go away for the weekend and maybe see if your DH can work with him on this. Summat for him to be proud of? (Your son I mean. Although I dare say your husband might get a sticker aswell.)

firstchoice · 28/03/2014 13:47

OP, I wonder if you are being disingenuous here.
Is your 18m at home today? Is your dog?

If so, why didn't you say:
"Out of the 4 animals in this house (OP, her son, her 18m, her dog) two of them are (not yet continent in the way I would like)"

You said: "two fucking animals".

If neither of them are there and it is just you and your son, then my comment above is not valid.

But my concern of your levels of anger at your young child is.
I am not at all sure the OP isn't actually shouting and screaming at her son.

Get some help. You need it. And so does your poor son.

Marne · 28/03/2014 13:47

My dd2 wasn't dry until the week before she started school, it got to the point where it was causing too much stress for me and her and I didn't care what other kids were doing or other parents, I backed off ,left the potty in the room and occasionally promoted her to sit on it ( reward with a sticker if she produced anything ).

I would be tempted to say 'ok ds, you don't want to use the potty then don't' put him in pull ups and prompt him to change himself, he will soon realise that changing your own nappy isn't much fun and it will be easier to use the potty or toilet. Also make sure everyone else in the house gets a reward each time they use the toilet ( a chocolate button works well ) and keep on with the 'oh, look, Daddy used the toilet, isn't he good' Smile

Try not to get too stressed or he will think its great fun winding you up and making you angry.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 13:47

cuggles you're welcome to stay, I am just not prepared to be moderated here as well as every other fucking place. I am just stewing. Fucking absolute joke.

I do think we are all animals, some times I refer to people breeding and that really gets peoples backs up!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 13:49

firstchoice the dog, my two sons and me have been here all day (apart from a quick trip to Mothercare to get fucking more shite to get him to do a fucking piss in the right place that hasnt worked)

Now my husband is here too. I dont give a flying fuck whether you thought my rant was acceptable or not because I didnt include every person in the house (?) There is a cat too so I am sure you will be upset about that now.

It is fucking IRRELEVANT isn't it?

OP posts:
Eyelet · 28/03/2014 13:51

OP - I hear you, no judgements from me.

I am this weekend taking baby out, we're going to have a bloody awesome time and the child can stay home with DH (who she idolises) and he can have a go. Because I am at the same point as you (in fact our pissing PITA's must be a similar age?)

I'm withdrawing all sweets, cakes and TV. Babies don't get these things.