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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

I just want to kill him today

784 replies

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 07:45

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
MeanwhileHighAboveTheField · 30/03/2014 19:41

I've been thinking that too, helly. About leaving it oo late - I wonder if kids get too used to using nappies?

MostWicked · 30/03/2014 20:12

A mongolian friend started 'training' at just a few months old, holding the baby over a potty

Nothing new there, my mum did the same thing. It catches wee, it doesn't potty train. Some kids gets it earlier than others. My brother wasn't fully trained until he was 4 and not dry on a night until 7.

My youngest was dry at 2, before his older brother who was still having accidents regularly at 4.

There is so much unnecessary pressure on parents to speed through a developmental stage that the child only has minimal control over. It's like implying that children who walk early, somehow have better parents than late walkers.

FastWindow · 30/03/2014 20:36

Just a random thought to follow up on what helly said about earlier toilet training in the sixties.

It isn't in Pampers interest to have early toilet training now, is it? They even make their nappies so good that the child can't tell they've done a wee, due to the lockable wetness core or whatever science thing they advertise.

Would be interesting to have some stats on average trained age of Terry nappy wearers and disposables.

I put plenty of money in Pampers bottom line (see what I did there)

Shannith · 30/03/2014 20:46

This is the worst thread I have ever read. You need help. Please call someone.

PlumpPartridge · 30/03/2014 22:38

I have a comment to make about feeling angry with your kids and swearing on an online forum.

I get angry with DS1 quite often when he is (IMO and in the opinion of others) deliberately trying to upset me, by kicking/punching/squealing/running off. I respond in all the correct ways - I speak mildly and try not to show that I want to throttle him, I attempt to distract, I remove the triggering whatever and if all else fails I leave the room. I am often, at these times, HOWLING things like 'You fucking little shit I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU' in my head.

That's the important part. IN MY HEAD. Or perhaps to my lovely understanding DH later on when the kids aren't around, or - say - on an online forum where my toddlers will be unable to access or read it. I have the option to share my feelings and maybe get some support, in a place my kids won't ever find. Hopefully in not quite as sweary a way as the op Grin

I do not actually think my DS1 is a little shit. I think he is capable of being deliberately obstructive and that he sometimes thinks it is funny to cause me pain, but I don't believe he is malevolent or evil or Damien - he's just nearly 3. However, it is very very very hard to remain calm in both thought and deed when your child is pressing all your buttons in the clear hope that you'll crack in and say/do something exciting.

I totally get the rage op and I believe that it's possible you have enough safety valves set up that your DS feels loved and secure in his home. However, you do sound quite pissed off in general too. Has that always been the case? I've been getting gradually quicker to anger since my late twenties (am 32 now).

rootypig · 30/03/2014 22:47

Thanks plump, after a few of the posts on here I was ready to shop myself to social services, let alone the OP

there's a conversation to be had about managing anger, but deciding that it's not normal or abusive to even have it is wrong, I think

PlumpPartridge · 30/03/2014 22:59

I'll see you down at their office, rootypig - I'll be the one covered in bruises lovingly bestowed by my darling HORRIBLE when tired DS Grin

rootypig · 30/03/2014 23:29
Grin
ironmaiden999 · 31/03/2014 13:14

Why are you so "ANGRY WITH HIM'? He's only just over three and a half!
Seems by your posts your more angry with yourself than him. I would consider help for you stress/anger.

BeverleyMoss · 31/03/2014 13:24

Fucking awful thread. I can understand venting, I get that OP is ranting here but Jesus that's a truly revolting way to talk about a child.

MysweetAudrina · 31/03/2014 14:45

Another one who needs to be reported as I can see where the op is coming from too and my ds trained himself before he was 2 but he can still be a little shit on other ways as can my other children and pretty much everyone else I know as well.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 31/03/2014 15:25

The point is..he is not being a shit by being late to toilet train.

Although I disagree with calling a 3 year old a shit at all.

wifey6 · 31/03/2014 15:29

No judgement from me as we can all experience hard times with toddlers, especially when potty training, but the language & manner used is un-called for here by the OP.
My friend had the same approach as you OP & her DS was so delayed to potty/toilet train because she had scared him, all to keep up with her friends/their DCs.
I hope your DS continues to make progress & it's mastered in his own time.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 31/03/2014 17:06

Hi everyone, this is not a thread about my anger.

So the potty training is going okay, he has been using the potty (the actual potty though not the toilet) which is really fantastic, I'm not complaining about that. I think the biggest thing has been not asking him if he needs to go and waiting for him to do it, we've had lots of accidents while wearing pants (he doesn't get that yet) and he crapped next to the potty today rather than in it but at least he realised he needed to go and sat on it!

So we are improving. He is back at nursery tomorrow for 3 days so I am hoping they will make headway with the pissing in his pants thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fifyfomum · 31/03/2014 17:06

Can I just reiterate that my son is not scared of me or anyone else. He has a lovely life and loves us very much

OP posts:
BeverleyMoss · 31/03/2014 17:30

Okay, from now on no-one will mention how very ANGRY you appear to be and will stick strictly to reading you talk of shitting crapping pissing child only.

Your thread your rules hun. Hmm

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 31/03/2014 17:32

Well I'm not angry at all now, despite having the day from HELL including child running away with dog, ending up in neighbours garden, large child breaking friends £700 camera and us needing to pay for repairs and the new job I got deciding that they actually can't give me the hours they promised and I will have to ferret around for them like with my last job. Joy.

Anyway off to feed the family and other things.

OP posts:
kilmuir · 31/03/2014 17:34

You sound vile. Poor child

firstchoice · 31/03/2014 17:41

Have you sought some help yet, OP?

Adamsapple · 31/03/2014 18:08

Why do you feel the need to use the words piss, shit and crap? In your first post you were able to use urinate and wee.

Kudzugirl · 31/03/2014 18:28

I have the distinct impression that you only really function when there is drama in your life and you will bend over backwards to create it.

Kind of like psychic fuel.

CrispyHedgeHog · 31/03/2014 18:41

hang in there fify.. fwiw my son was a bit like yours til he was nearly 4 and then one day he just got it.. dry day and night from then on.. I was like you, in tears of frustration at times.

He's 22 now and afaik has no pee or poo issues :o

YouStayClassySanDiego · 31/03/2014 18:46

Your desire to carry on using 'crap, piss and shit' comes across as goading when wee and poo would illustrate your point equally well.

The sudden willingness of your boy to use the pot after such stubborn resistence which has driven you ti such anger is truly remarkable, is it not?

I hope he continues to do well.

Bigbadgladioli · 31/03/2014 18:47

Some people seem to really get off on telling other people they sound vile. Same goes for those engaged in passive aggressive psycho-analysis. It's spiteful under the circumstances.

Agree entirely with Plump.

FWIW my youngest never used a potty. He didn't want to and had more success on the toilet. I imagine it's a bit weird trying to poo or pee hunkered down on a tiny shaky piece of plastic.

Good luck OP!

duchesse · 31/03/2014 18:51

WTF is wrong with piss and shit? Both perfectly good Anglo-saxon words of excellent lineage. Crap is a bit more recent but forgiveable as well.

Poo and wee are just twee. I can totally understand why the OP wouldn't want to use them- we don't turn into 3 year olds just because we have one!