coffee well I'm trying to be open and thoughtful - I made my post, the one you quote, and then had second thoughts, so came back to ask the OP about it and to be honest myself. Given that, though this is going to sound really sanctimonious, I think your response is stupidly combative.
I do think anger can be to do with caring. How many parents have responded to their child running into the road, or hurting themselves, with angry words or a smack. Parents who otherwise don't shout or smack. But in my comment, "surely she's angry because she cares", I didn't mean that it is acceptable to be angry with the child, but understandable that she is angry in the situation. So displaying anger is completely acceptable. It's simply showing someone you care. That is patently not what I said. I have chosen to take the OP at her word that she is not being angry and aggressive with her son. PP, including you, think this is simply not possible and perhaps you're right.
That said, I do have a temper, yes, and no doubt a large part of my empathy with the OP is born of my understanding of feeling that way. Which has been part of my thinking and why I came back to the thread.
Though (you ask about my temper) I do not often lose it with DD, no more than an average parent I would guess. I work hard not to, as most parents do. One of the things that gave me pause is, not matter how frustrated I get with DD, I never think about her in these terms. It's more 'why are you crying pleeeeease sleep' than 'you little shit' or whatever. But then, I haven't had to deal with her pooing herself like this.
The interesting thing about a MN thread is how our responses are skewed by previous ones. I think my position has been more supportive of the OP than it would have been if she and I were in conversation alone, iyswim, because I felt that PP went too far. Again, maybe I'm wrong. So often when I post on MN I later reconsider my response. I can't be alone in this?