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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I just want to kill him today

784 replies

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 07:45

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

OP posts:

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Greythorne · 29/03/2014 14:09

OP
You sound angry, hysterical, unreasonable, short-tempered, self-pitying and judgemental.
And you expect your son to be perfect.

saintlyjimjams · 29/03/2014 14:22

If he has speech delays are you sure he understands the reward you have lined up? In ds1's case he had rewards for sitting on the toilet & doing nothing & massive, major rewards for producing something on there. He didn't understand star charts & hated stickers so they did not feature.

You usually cannot reinforce enough tbh. Especially for a child with delays. You need to reward each small step & shape the behaviour. So I would (& did) initially reward just sitting on the toilet.

Thumbwitch · 29/03/2014 14:27

I have a friend who has 3 DC, the older one and one of the twins are diagnosed autistic, the other twin hasn't been. However, it's the non-diagnosed one who has poo issues and prefers to do them pretty much anywhere other than the loo. He's 4.

The latest escapade was to do it in the school gardens while waiting for his older sibling to come out after school - his poor mortified mum just had to do her best to cover it up with leaves, as she had nothing with her to pick it up. She now carries "poo bags", like you would for dogs, in case he does it again.

As he has no formal diagnosis, and is supposedly the NT one, they can only assume he's doing it for attention, as the other 2 get quite a lot of extra help for being autistic.

I don't know if that story is of any benefit to you whatsoever, except to let you know that you're not alone and I hope you find a way forwards.

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 29/03/2014 14:31

He has had speech delays but is within normal now. He has no issues been signed off by the speech therapist etc

He understands. he just sat down and pissed on his father who is now about where I was yesterday. Still doing the baby voice at any opportunity and being an absolute little shit. Had to shower him because he pissed in his clothes (didnt even mention it) and stank of piss.

OP posts:

saintlyjimjams · 29/03/2014 14:34

Well there's lots of good advice on this thread so if you take it on board & stop being so angry I'm sure it will be cracked in a few weeks.

philomenascat · 29/03/2014 14:35

"If I was to give him sweeties for sitting on the toilet he would just sit on the toilet and do nothing. He doesn't mind sitting on the toilet/potty he just won't use them."

This isn't quite true though, is it. Yesterday he had a complete fit when you left him on the toilet: turned the taps on, ruined the loo rolls.

nochips · 29/03/2014 14:36

Actually, I find this quite interesting. I mentioned up thread my DS is very nearly 4 and is at a pretty similar stage as yours. He also had speech delays, but is catching up.

And, I have just realised.... we started pushing the potty training thing about 2 weeks ago and he started reverting to baby voices, and wanting to sit in his highchair 'like a baby' He himself SAYS 'I want to be like a baby'.

Sounds to me like you are just pushing a bit too much. is your DS having nightmares as well? mine has been. We backed right off for a few weeks then started again last week with the potty training. This morning he went absolutely hysterical when we put him in big boy pants. Complete meltdown. Maybe they just still are not quite ready?

Doingthedo · 29/03/2014 14:44

Just don't buy nappies, they can't 'refuse to stop wearing them' if there isn't any there to put on

YouStayClassySanDiego · 29/03/2014 15:03

he just sat down and pissed on his father who is now about where I was yesterday. Still doing the baby voice at any opportunity and being an absolute little shit

You are writing with such aggression and anger towards your boy.

Get a professional opinion , either see the GP or get in touch with your HV. The atmosphere in your house must be toxic, your ds knows his behaviour is winding you up and he isn't going to change any day soon by the sound of it.

gamerchick · 29/03/2014 15:19

I'm hiding this thread because I'm feeling total anxiety and fearing for this little boy.

I hope you're just being like this on the internet OP. Do your kid a favour and sack off the toilet training for a few weeks... christ.

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 29/03/2014 15:32

HE DID A WEE AND A POO ON THE POTTY!!! Not the toilet training seat thing, the actual potty :) We are THRILLED with him :) lots of excitement, lots of smiles and a positive HANDFUL of choccy buttons :) I came down from the upstairs declutter and we had a big excited time all together, was great :)

The energy in our house is actually fine, obviously when he asks for sweeties we tell him that he can't have a sweetie until he used the potty, but other than that we aren't being harsh to him. He hates having a shower so that feels a bit mean but we just tell him that we have to do it because he smells like wee and we wouldn't have to do it if he would wee in the potty.

But he IS getting it :) That is a HUGE improvement on yesterday and we are thrilled :)

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 29/03/2014 16:13

That's excellent - and I don't wish to piss on your parade, but don't get too carried away just yet! Or too disappointed if he doesn't manage it next time.

Hurrah for this one though!

Eyelet · 29/03/2014 16:26

Fecking awesome!

I'll share our post nap scenario. She decides not to do a poo before nap (tantrum epic proportions), bribed with bubbles to stay on the loo a little longer after nap, taken every 10minutes since by DH (I am meant to be working but keep having baby dumped on my lap!).

DH realises we're out of milk. Says to her we'll go to the shop but just try for a wee/poo before we go - nada - while he was dealing with putting baby in buggy she did a truly humungeous shit in her pull up which went everywhere.

Doesn't care.

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 29/03/2014 16:34

I told husband that he is likely to still have accidents but he clearly understands the process now which is great.

I actually told husband that we HAVE to ignore the negative and only give him attention when he does the good thing. We refuse to talk to him when he puts on a baby voice and just wait for him to talk to us properly and it is working today... Thank fuck!

Eyelet :( that sounds shocking, so sorry she has been so awful for you.

I don't know what to suggest, no pull ups ever but then she will just shit in her pants I suppose...

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 29/03/2014 16:47

Eyelet - :(
That's terrible, no idea what to say even.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 29/03/2014 16:58

Eyelet, I'm sorry. Awful. Have you tried no clothes at all? Heating right up? One room only? I expect so... So frustrating....

Op marvellous news. Hopefully the start of something. He will still have accidents but promise in five days if you keep going it should be there. Best o luck :)

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 29/03/2014 17:10

Well he is supposed to be back at nursery on Tuesday but I am hoping that goes well.

Going to pack a shit load of clothes for him and hope for the best! I think it will make him feel grown up and included so that will be good

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 29/03/2014 17:20

Even if you say the energy in house is fine..and I am glad he did wee and poo on potty..calling a 3 year old a little shit on here for talking in a baby voice and being late to toilet train is disgusting.

Fifyfomum · 29/03/2014 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 29/03/2014 17:27

Yes I expected nothing less from you.

Am glad I am the person I am thanks.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 29/03/2014 17:28

I truly do hope you are different to your son IRL than you have talked about him here

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 29/03/2014 17:36

You quite finished?

Good.

OP posts:

SolomanDaisy · 29/03/2014 17:38

Would you be happy to print out this thread and take it to the CAF meeting you have next week, or do you think the professionals might judge you a bit negatively on that basis? Assuming the latter, you shouldn't be surprised that other readers of the thread are also getting a negative impression.

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 29/03/2014 17:49

I think professionals might judge me based on more than this thread. Like the other times I have spent time with them, or the fact that I have two healthy, happy kids who literally scream with delight when I pick them up from nursery, or the fact that despite having gone through some really awful stuff I have always kept them fed, waters, clothed and happy.

This thread, really doesn't come into it. It is a place for me to VENT about what is a really REALLY fucking stressful time in our lives because I WILL NOT let that stress impact on him right now.

So no, I DONT think that the professionals I am meeting next week would give a rats arsehole about a thread on Mumsnet despite mumsnet clearly being the center of the world for many

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 29/03/2014 17:53

Yes clearly the centre of my world since I have posted twice on this thread.

And did so out of concern for your son.

But keep posting in the manner of a bitchy fishwife if you wish.

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