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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I just want to kill him today

784 replies

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 07:45

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

OP posts:

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Original poster

Fifyfomum · 29/03/2014 08:45

Husband has just come down, he has actually pissed twice on the sofa and when husband said 'can you tell us when you need a wee' he stuck his tongue around his teeth and did his baby voice. So just going to ignore him as suggested. Buttons are in place for when he does use the toilet

OP posts:

YoDiggity · 29/03/2014 08:50

This baby voice thing and reverting to babyish behaviour is pretty typical of a child feeling a bit out of sorts due to the arrival of a sibling. I know the sibling is 18 months old, but does he display obviously jealous or resentful behaviour around the younger one?

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 29/03/2014 08:54

No they have no resentment. To cut a very long sorry short I have an awful relationship with my siblings so made sure that the new babies arrival was a really pleasant experience for my son.

It worked, they are best of friends

OP posts:

ListenToTheLady · 29/03/2014 09:05

Doing great OP. When you ignore the behaviour you don't want, make that a time to get yourself a coffee / do something small for you, as you need it.

MissUumellmahaye · 29/03/2014 09:10

Is there anyway you can be on watch and get him on the toilet every 15 mins? Just thinking of your Febreze bill.

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 29/03/2014 09:11

My frebreeze bill will be a new charity shop sofa ASAP!

OP posts:

Brucietheshark · 29/03/2014 09:12

Great going so far - not making a big deal of accidents and ignoring baby talk.

The speech delay is no surprise at all. I recognise the anger you were showing yesterday and ime it comes from worry.

He sounds like a bright little character though ("two chocolate buttons"!)

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 29/03/2014 09:14

Today is a new day. Tomorrow will be another new day. Monday is the real killer I will be alone with them! But no treats until he's cracked it will help.

OP posts:

Brucietheshark · 29/03/2014 09:19

If he poos on the toilet, let him have 3 choc buttons and stick a sticker somewhere. Tell him if he gets 3 of those stickers, he also gets treat number 1, whatever that may be.

It's crucial (I think) to make sure the level of reinforcement stays high enough (and also a little unpredictable, i.e. he suddenly gets a big bit of cake or something for a success when he wasn't even expecting it) or he will lose interest and start trying to push your buttons again for a reaction.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 29/03/2014 09:21

I am surprised people are helping you when you ate he rudest poster I have seen on MN ever.

But..do your best. .but if he is still needing pullups at nursery then just send him in them..you often find it will totally click quickly at nursery with different people and other kids using toilet.

Seriously calm down though. Theres venting and theres being rude to people helping you.

My DD is 7.5 and still toilet training her. In no eay would shouting and being angry help.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 29/03/2014 09:22

Apols for typos.

Please try not to tell me to fuck off

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 29/03/2014 09:24

And yes I have RTFT

dollywobbles · 29/03/2014 09:26

Sorry if this has been mentioned, but have you shown him 'Poo goes to Poo Land'? Every bit as gross as it sounds, but it does seem to work.
My DS point blank refused to potty train up until the weekend before he began Foundation at school, so approximately 10 weeks before he turned 4. Like you, I waited till he was ready/interested and it didn't appear to happen!
The Thursday before the Monday he was due to start school, I explained (quite briefly, giving it as little significance as I could) that all the other children at school would be using the loo, but he mustn't worry about being the only boy in nappies because it didn't really matter.
And that was it. He's had 2 accidents - ever, and been dry at night ever since that first day. Very strange really. He was just ready (probably had been for ages, to be honest, I'd just never pushed him).
DS does have SN though (mild) and I never felt any pressure to get him trained and certainly didn't give a toss about what his peers were up to, but I think that's the thick, parent of an SN child, skin I've developed!
Best of luck to you and your boy, OP.

FunkyBoldRibena · 29/03/2014 09:39

Hi OP.

Sounds a complete nightmare.

Just a couple of things I picked up on in all that.

Firstly, has he ever seen his dad peeing in the loo?

Secondly, his reluctance to leave the family room, is the TV on all the time? I sense he feels he is missing out on stuff whilst he is having to go to the loo.

Ping pong ball in the loo - dad shows him how to pee and aim for it.

Half hourly, turn the tv off and make a big thing about 'toilet break', you and dad both say you need the toilet now, and don't turn the tv back on until he has also been in the toilet, preferably with his dad.

Also when changing the baby, make sure he has interactive time with you both so he doesn't feel left out.

rootypig · 29/03/2014 10:46

Ha Brucie this is war. Love it.

Out of interest, for people who have successfully potty trained with rewards, how / when do you stop with the buttons and dinosaurs?

hotcrosshunny · 29/03/2014 11:20

He has speech delays and you mock his baby voice?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 29/03/2014 11:23

Yes. If he has speech delays other things like toileting are probably delayed too.
Go easy on him . Please

ghostinthecanvas · 29/03/2014 11:30

I asked before because I think it is relevant to the advice you could get. How long have you been trying to potty train him?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 29/03/2014 11:44

You win the prize for being the angriest and sweary mnetter I've read on here in a while, it's ok I know you don't give a fuck. [smi?e].

I'd be talking to a health professional for advice about your concerns regarding his reluctance to 'let go' so to speak.

Your other threads suggest some stress in the house, perhaps he's picking up the tension.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 29/03/2014 11:49

rooty using the toilet became habitual and normal so we could easily phase out rewards ie you go from a chocolate button to every wee to, for example, a sticker for every wee and 5xstickers=chocolate button. Or a little prize for a day without accidents, then a week without accidents. Once it becomes commonplace, they stop expecting a reward and forget about it.

Brucietheshark · 29/03/2014 12:02

Yes, just fade rewards. Move to sticker chart or balls in a jar and chart gets gradually longer or jar gets sneakily bigger or balls smaller.

You have to keep a constant eye on whether the level of reinforcement is right, particularly if your DC does not seem to find social reward very reinforcing. No harm in going back to chocolate buttons if things slip.

Many kids are chuffed to bits that they are all grown up and like their peers or like mummy and daddy. They get all excited and stuff.

Some kids couldn't give a shit about this and it is confusing and upsetting initially for the parent. Then it feels wrong to 'bribe' them - they should want to do it shouldn't they? But no, chuck rule book out and figure out what works. And to hell with what anyone else thinks/did/says they did.

Brucietheshark · 29/03/2014 12:09

But don't forget the social approval entirely. If lots of excited praise and talking about being a grown up big boy is paired over time with chocolate buttons, then the association with 'good stuff' will take root.

I suspect I would enjoy ooh say weddings a lot more if I was handed a chocolate orange at the door

Eyelet · 29/03/2014 13:16

My child (you know the one thats PITA with PT) is currently having the most spectacular meltdown because she didn't get the promised sweetie.

She is trying so desperately not to poo she can barely speak - so one would have thought that encouraging her to use the toilet at this point would be a good thing, the tantrum is EPIC.

DH is dealing while I play with the baby.

Brucietheshark · 29/03/2014 13:19

You have to ride the storm I guess.

Can she have a sweet for just sitting on the toilet for 2 mins (with visible timer)? Then something even better for doing a wee/poo?

You probably feel too far down to road to go back to that but I would.

Original poster

Fifyfomum · 29/03/2014 13:37

If I was to give him sweeties for sitting on the toilet he would just sit on the toilet and do nothing. He doesn't mind sitting on the toilet/potty he just won't use them.

OP posts:

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