I just want to kill him today

[Fifyfomum]

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

One for a wee, two for a poo, them's the rules!

Put that rum in a BIG glass, tomorrow's another day.

Oh and some of the posters here need to really fuck off with their comments against op. This is where she's ranting. Don't like it fuck the fuck off.

I know you don't need me to say that really. Ain't trying to patronise. Just reading. And here if helps x

Are you OK op? Because all of your rage reminds me of my outbursts when I was a sleep deprived mess and in the midst of pnd.

And my body language etc meant that the DC did pick up on the anger. It creates an atmosphere.

Love Miss rules. Heck try it! And that ignoring trick. Whatever works. ;)

OP has a good reason to throw fucks around. You Minnie however do not.

Rum + Chocolate Buttons = good plan.

OP. Grow up! Stop with the pity party. You are having a hard time of toilet training. This will pass. Nothing awful has happened. You have two kids, a partner, a roof over your head. You really need to get some perspective.

I will add choc buttons worked for us.

I'll say what the cunt I like when I bloody like.

:)

Cunty fucking bollocky bolloxing arse slapping bunting billowing in the breeze

I'd just like to agree with everything Badvoc and Kudzugirl are saying upthread, and also LongPieceofString above. No point me repeating what they have said so well.

IF you really think there is 'something wrong' with your child, seek help and advice from a HCP.
IF you think you are a 'bad mother' (whatever that is!) then seek help.
IF it is just a potty training problem then you need to get some perspective. There will be many many other 'difficulties' along the way and you need to keep calm and use strategies. If they don't work then see above. This too WILL pass.

This thread is unpleasant reading but it is about stress and the proliferation of the F-word is obviously OP's way of letting off steam. So having established that we can move on from being offended people to consider the issue that is described in detail here by this little guy's frazzled Mum!
It does seem to be about Power. Little Guy (LG) is exploring his power over the most powerful person in his life - no wonder it is thrilling and mesmerising for him. (And he obviously feels secure enough to do it too for all of you who picture him as a helpless babe).
Power play at any age is 500 times easier to deal with when you recognise and understand what is going on. Mum's mind is obviously awash with thoughts of nursery and peers and now all these replies on MN. Little guy simply sees a clear cut situation where he is able to exert an amazing influence over Mum - he only has to think of what to do next!
I hope to help you to devise your strategy to resolve this impasse and more importantly never go there again. That is only possible by outwitting the LG - who has much less experience of the world than Mum. And you will know when you have done it because laughter will return.
Only Mum can manoeuvre here so I merely offer a few ideas for her to consider.

1. Location Choosing the site gives Mum the initiative - if I call it the 'battle field' I mean it only in analogy! Moving and doing the unexpected and surprising in any context distracts the little person.

1. The LG is obviously intelligent and a keen observer of Mum's reactions. Make a point of not paying attention to him. One can even playact distractions. Once in a supermarket my 2 yr old was getting fractious in the trolley. I involved her 5 yr old brother (siblings are such an advantage - I assume LG is a first?) and pretended that one of the bottles on the soft drink shelves had spoken to us. We peered and listened and compared - took a large see-thru bottle off the shelf and quizzed it. Other shoppers (it is quite quiet on that isle) if they noticed at all were amused and realised what it was all about. Of course she was suddenly an observer and intrigued. Then she wanted to be involved so we consulted with the bottle and took 'him' over; then he 'said' something and little brother took him back and suddenly we had to go and visit another isle. But we were laughing and she was trying to make sense of it so what had gone before was forgotten! Oh and chocolate is always useful as was suggested above. How might this apply in LG's situation. When he is 'sitting' get distracted by some make believe and with his attention engaged his brain might just sneak the poo past him. If not it was fun.

1. Be kind to yourself - it is only a hill of beans as many here have said. Think of the terrible problems faced by mothers in Syria - the Save The Children video is pretty powerful. Have a bit of fun eg sit nearby and paint your toenails - with lots of exaggeration and playacting - and he will be fascinated. Suddenly beam him a smile and whistle a tune and then hop around shaking your toes to speed them dry - make him laugh! As others have said let it happen - he will probably conform anyway.

Yes my two think that I am a bit nutty in case you were wondering. They recall lots of funny moments from their childhoods such as when I absentmindedly dropped my car keys into the bin at the petrol station (instead of the paper towel I had used to keep fuel off my hands) - they watched on one side whilst I emptied the bin to find them whilst the queue of paying customers watched from the shop on the other side...
And when they were 8 and 11 we took our puppy to obedience class and I had just recognised another owner across the hall and was trying to remember her name when the trainer came up and brightly asked our puppy's name - and I could not remember. All three looked at me in growing amazement and I had to ask my son to tell her (and didn't that look good from the working mum...)

Duck, weave, laugh! Your little guy is quite a character.

Very best wishes

I think the fact that posters like Protego have taken the time to write a thoughtful and lengthy post should tell you all you need to know about Mumsnet- whether you agree with advice or not, whether it suits you or not, there are posters that can see beneath the fury and frustration.

We may still say to you 'enough- you do need to take a breath' but it comes from a place of wanting to help.

I hope the Rum helps. And tomorrow is another day as Scarlett said and boy, could she throw furies too .

I tried to toilet train at 2 as ds was dry at night and knew when he was going. I gave up as he would wee/poo himself if he was wearing anything on his bottom half (but was fine when naked.

I decided to have another go when he was 2.10 as he would be starting nursery soon. I realised he would have to be in pants from the start and have dressed him mainly on jogging bottoms as they absorb the most wee.

I tried sweetie bribes, sticker charts etc and nothing helped. He was okish in the house as I could tell when he needed to go not so good out and about.

I refused to let him downstairs in the morning till he tries to go on the toilet. He sits on the toilet before we go out 1 sweet for trying 1 sweet for going. And he sits on the toilet before bathtime (while I run the bath)

We have finally cracked peeing. It has taken 10 weeks. Poos are another story. Until this week ds has pooped in his pants every day. 2 weeks ago I bought him 3 plastic dinosaurs I told him when he pooed on the toilet he could have the dinosaurs and if he had any missed (poo or pee) the dinosaurs went back on the shelf. After 1 week he got the dinosaurs for 30 minutes. He has had them for 3 days but lost them again today as pooed while at toddlers.

Interestingly while at his grandparents yesterday he got to pee in a ditch and was very excited about it so I wondered if letting him pee in a 500ml coke bottle might help him (this was suggested to me by another mum and I am yet to try it)

Good luck!

My DS was a toilet training refusnik. Which came as a complete shock to me as DD took to it immediately and was dry night and day by 18 months.

I battled for ages. Then one day DS said he would stop wearing nappies when he moved up to the big class at nursery. So I stopped trying. Sure enough, 5 months later at the start of September, he donned his pants and never wore a daytime nappy again!
I would suggest trying one of three things.
A) giving up for another month and give yourself a chance to relax about it all before trying again.
B) try potty training both your DCs at once, it probably won't click with the younger one but it might just get your eldest feeling a little competitive (especially if he is acting like a baby at the moment due to a bit of Sibling rivalry)
C) get a job lot of ping pong balls from the pound shop. Put one down the toilet and see if he can use it for target practice, it might entertain him.

Good luck.

Mine was 33 lines long on my phone. No idea on a PC. What length does a post have to be to be considered helpful useful or worthy?

EltsiT

I don't think your Ds sounds ready at all! 10 weeks to with poo in his pants everyday!

Frankly if op had a drink she might sound better.

My DS was a toilet training refusnik. Which came as a complete shock to me as DD took to it immediately and was dry night and day by 18 months.

I battled for ages. Then one day DS said he would stop wearing nappies when he moved up to the big class at nursery. So I stopped trying. Sure enough, 5 months later at the start of September, he donned his pants and never wore a daytime nappy again!
I would suggest trying one of three things.
A) giving up for another month and give yourself a chance to relax about it all before trying again.
B) try potty training both your DCs at once, it probably won't click with the younger one but it might just get your eldest feeling a little competitive (especially if he is acting like a baby at the moment due to a bit of Sibling rivalry)
C) get a job lot of ping pong balls from the pound shop. Put one down the toilet and see if he can use it for target practice, it might entertain him.

Good luck.

Fifyfomum I really feel for you.
You have not done anything wrong really you haven't.
I don't want to upset you further but how is your general mood at the moment not related to potty training?
Is there a new baby in the house?
Are you getting enough sleep?

Hello, I've 'offered' to make dinner so I can start drinking rum.

minnie you are amazing, please cunt about my threads as much as you like :)

Will respond to the recent excellent advice soon, right now it's rum o clock

All three of my DC toilet trained when they were ready for it. Ds2 was nearly 4 when it happened.

Can I ask op, does your DS have any sensory issues? I ask as you said he hates baths and showers,goes on like it is a form of torture. Perhaps he doesn't like the feeling of the potty/toilet against his skin? Might be worth mentioning at the CAF. Maybe get him a referral to an OT for a sensory profile. My ds2 has sensory issues (he also has autism) and used to go on like he was being murdered at the very mention of a bath.

I have no useful advice but just wanted to say if I were in your shoes I'd be going ape too, stop telling yourself you're a shit mum, because in all probability you aren't. Beating yourself up will not change anything or make it better.
Good luck op I really hope he cracks it soon.

I hope this thread never comes back to bite you on the ass!! I can swear like a good'un but I don't know of anyone who would talk about their children like this. Imagine if he read this when he was older!