I just want to kill him today

[Fifyfomum]

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Yep, you moving out will definitely solve his toileting issues

Don't be so daft OP.

fify, get it all out on here - that's fine. And lots of us understand why you're so pissed off.

But when you go back to your son - if not right away, then tomorrow or the next day - remember that he's a little kid who loves his mum and is probably really bewildered and a bit scared.

While you're feeling like this I wouldn't even ATTEMPT to get him trained. Put it completely out of your head for a month or so.

Then give it a go for a day or so - but with NO pressure and put him straight back in nappies if it doesn't work.

And get that paed referral just so you can put your mind at rest.

I think i've already been told I am a shit mother and I know it. I am here in tears its work.

You sound like a bigger child than your DS, so you are going to move out and leave him because he isn't getting the hang of potty training? FFS listen to yourself.
Leave it for a while and revisit, and for the love of all that os good go and have a few hours to yourself and you will realise the mountain is actually a molehill.

You sound like a desperate Mother and desperate people say desperate things.

Please be aware of saying things you might regret- that you cannot take back.

Time to step back from the toilet issues. Focus upon what he does that is lovely, funny, sweet.

What does he really love doing? What do you enjoy doing with him:?

And you're not a bloody shit mother either! !

Get a grip, fifyfomum. Strop ping off out of the house like a petulant toddler will not help.

You are going to have plenty more to deal with - years of stroppy teenage attitude, for example - and you cannot deal with every issue by threatening to abandon him.

Grow up.

Your reaction to this is totally OTT.
Can I ask - gently - if there is anything else going on at home ATM?
Do you have any rl support?

Listen, you can get help with this. And it's fine to get angry and let it out on here. Children drive everyone insane at times. But he's 3 years old. He is still little and in the grand scheme of things it isn't such a big deal even if it feels like it now. Go and give him a cuddle and just keep trying. It may not be this week or even this month but he will get there.

I hate the term 'wee wee', it puts my teeth on edge. Of course we are all adults, but I think the way we phrase things even to ourselves affects our perception of them - so calling it piss and shit reinforces a more aggressiveattitude towards it (I know you aren't being aggressive to your son, but the aggression is building up inside you and really damaging your perception of yourself and your mothering).

Don't move out. By all means, get out of the house and give yourself a break if that's feasible. Do nappies until you feel calmer. Relax in whatever way suits you tonight. Start again with a clear thought-through strategy when you are ready. He can start school in nappies if he has to, but I bet you that he won't.

I have read this whole thread, not in depth I admit I skimmed a lot. One question sprung to mind.. do you think he is still trying to remain the "baby" he was before your youngest was born?

I do feel your pain Fifyfomum, my youngest refused point blank to have a poo in anything but a nappy for quite a while before we cracked it. It used to drive me nuts.

Please forget about other childrens milestones in this. Your little boy is an individual and he will do it in his own time. I know this doesnt help you now ((hugs))

You haven't done anything you can't put right, fify.

I saw a parenting counsellor when I felt like this about my son. Only one session. Best £40 I ever spent.

She told me that DS wasn't trying to get one over on me; he was anxious and scared. And she was right.

Can you go out tonight with the girls and get rat-arsed?

Hey OP - I've just started eating the hot chocolate out of the tin without even bothering to put it in a mug with milk.

Some days suck.

I just have one suggestion, then I am leaving the thread because the amount of hatred and rage directed at this 3 year old is really shocking.

I cannot believe that the atmosphere around the child and the toileting is anything but terribly stressful for all concerned.

OP please look at the ERIC website and really study the information on there. All of it. Including all the physical and psychological causes of soiling, witholding, incontinence of urine and faeces.

Then see your GP and ask for a referral. If the first GP won't help see another, and keep asking. If necessary make a diary of what is happening and take it with you.

Whatever happens you will need support to remain calm and consistent with the training over a period of weeks and months, and all other adults involved need to do the same.

I've read most of this thread and I'm not sure why you are reacting to this like a toddler having a tantrum. Being a parent is tiring sometimes, infuriating sometimes. Your DS needs teaching and training, toilet or potty. He needs help. He needs praise. You've left it late IMO (I'm not a believer of when he's ready). But weeing and pooing on a potty is alien to him. Same as if I put a nappy on you right now and demanded you were to just sit there in the hallway on your own until you'd defecated yourself. Grow up.

Go and give him a sqeeze OP.. all little boys want to do is make their mums happy and he just doesn't know how to give you what you want atm. He's not trying to get one over on you.. you are his mother and he's tuned into how your face is looking.. if you look at him with growls in your eyes he's going to feel scared and anxious.

Go and give him a cuddle.

you need to get off this thread - delete it now, it is obviously not helping at all - you are getting angrier and angrier and more and more defensive, which is just not constructive at all. You are stuck in a cycle of negativity - I completely understand it, I've done the whole 'you'd be better off without me, I'm a shit mother' etc etc. Only DD wouldn't be better off, nor would DH, and your DC and DH wouldn't either. But your fury is pouring out if every post and your DC will be picking up on it - so step away, now. Please.

With ds2 it was a real battle of wills. He used to sit NEXT TO the potty and wee everywhere!!! Then smile at me .

It was after a few weeks of me trying every technique( nice, forceful etc) I realised he was just doing it for attention ( duuuhhhhhhh)

SOOOO, I completely ignored him. I put him in pants and said nothing more. I didn't ask if he needed a wee, I didn't comment when he weed on the floor, I didn't comment when he sat on the potty.

Finally, after a day of ignoring him, he weed in the potty and continued in the same way. I can't believe it took me so long to twig.

Try ignoring, it really worked for us.

Forget what nursery wants you to do. They should know different children need different approaches. And if the nursery really would exclude a child for weeing in the wr

Wrong place then wtf have you placed him there?

Of course - if he wee'd in the wrong place at nursery it would be a complete non event & they'd just clean it up.

Husband is just going out for chocolate buttons and rum.

Op, hey, Christ what a day. Look I get it. I argued with nursery for nearly a year as they said dd was ready. She had no clue at 18mths. But she did play with a potty. I was personally scared shitless about training. No knowledge. Very impressionable. I just took her out of nappies 3 day per month. Watched. Oct-July. At first she just wet no care no interest no knowledge of the reflex. Same every month. Played with it before bath but IF successful it was because I noticed the signs. Wasn't til nearly a year later I saw her stop and look. I nearly opened Cristal champagne. I was honestly beside myself. I followed gina ford five day approach. Well, sort of followed it, that and Jo frost (super nanny). Five solid days and it was cracked. Needed six mths practice but now at 3 she's accident free, almost.

Now I do parody crossness if she wets. She KNOWS it's wrong and knows not to. Fuck the namby pamby twats who hug a tree then speak. Herbal fruit loops. I don't sticker chart. I don't (in front of her) count. I do get cross or act it as she knows. There's a difference.

I'm so sorry it's shit now. I remember how bad I felt. It will be ok. No one gets to ten like this!!! Yeah.... Dunno helps.

Cheers! Am with you and yours. Good luck. X

It's good that you have a CAF meeting next week, you sound like you need some support. Good luck with it.

Thanks Minnie. We just told him if he does a wee on the potty/toilet he gets a chocolate button and he said... 'two chocolate buttons?'

little blagger!