I just want to kill him today

[Fifyfomum]

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

What does your DH think about it all? Has he got any suggestions?

He will be potty trained - but right now, putting him back in nappies is the right thing to do. It will break the cycle you and he are in now - his trashing the loo is probably a part of that. Taking a step back, taking some deep breaths, taking the heat out of the situation is the right thing to do for all of you right now.

Oh, and I promise you, over 6 years of wet beds and broken nights with a sub teenage and teenage boy is no damn fun at all, and saying it sounds like a dream is stupid. It was a nightmare - for dh and I, and for my poor ds.

But it sorted itself out (with some help from us and an enuresis alarm) - and your ds's current issues will resolve too - and they will resolve a WHOLE lot faster if everyone concerned is not stressed and frustrated.

To be honest the defiance you are experiencing is nothing compared to that which you will face in fifteen, ten, twelve, seventeen years time.

You will be no more able to enforce your will then than you can now.

New tactics. Butting heads will NOT work.

okay, leave him on the toilet for ages, Tell him he’s a baby, stress out, pull your hair out, get worked up. Make the toilet so absolutely unappealing for him. Then rant and wonder why he doesn’t like it.

The way you are training is utterly horrible and I have no idea why you posted here if you won't consider 99% of the advice.

Now you are saying your son is doing this because he hates you, this IS your fault, you have made the toilet a gruelling horrible thing and you expect your child to somehow comply with and use it.

I know you didn't start out like this, but honestly he's acting like a baby because you told him nappies are for babies, you've made the potty into some kind of torture. Of course he wouldn’t want to use the potty / toilet if you are sitting him on it for hours then stressing out.

Re my link to bright bots trainer pants, the mothercare ones are shite if I recall, although I forget why (last used for ds 2 who is now 5. Check reviews maybe?

DS2 can literally go 18 hours without peeing! I ignored it, as it can take him 30 minutes to go to the toilet, he literally forgets that he hasn't actually done the toilet, his attention is that bad.

One day I ignored it all day until he was doubled up in agony at 4pm! And that was his first pee that day.

Why did you leave him on his own in the toilet? You can't just bung him on there and leave him to it, no wonder he trashed everything. As hard as it is you need to stay with him for a short period of time, sound interested and excited and whether he does anything or not leave it and come away. And then try again.

I agree with Pirate.

it doesnt matter, he is back in nappies and he will stay there now for another year or whatever Fuck it, why does he need to go to school he can just stay at home and shit in his pants.

fifty, I think both you and your DS need a hug - with each other. Leave the whole sorry mess for today and just reaffirm that you love him. I'm worried that's getting lost right now.

Sympathy Fifyfomum
I just wanted to point out that little boys hold their willies a lot... not just because they need a piss but just cos it feels nice.
How about putting him back in a nappy tonight, then tomorrow try again when you feel calmer?
get up and put the big boy pats on him... time his liquid intake and start asking him if he needs the loo 20 mins after his drink until he has a wee.
Good lucki

^why does he need to go to school^
to get away from you?

Yes. I used to read stories to the dc when they were training.
It was tedious - but expecting a 3 year old to just sit on the loo and "get it" is completely unrealistic.

No matter how calm you think you are presenting as I can guarantee that your son is fully aware of your underlying feelings- the fury, resentment and self pity.

Reading through this thread we can see you escalating in your own temper and he is therefore escalating his own behaviour in reaction to this.

The pair of you are locked into a negative cycle and YOU the adult is the one who has an imperative to stop it now.

It may well be that you should not deal with him at all regarding potty training- that your husband and the nursery take over and you take a back seat.

You are kidding yourself if you think he is running around happy as Larry, oblivious to your (no doubt about it )poorly disguised feelings.

Well he can't go to school to 'get away from me' because he wont grow up like a normal child. There is obviously something wrong with him. Don't worry though I will pack a bag and move out. Probably best for everyone.

Man, you're taking this waaaaay too personally. He's not doing it to deliberately wind you up.

I think the way you're feeling, putting him back in nappies is the right thing to do for the minute.

He WILL not spend years still in nappies.. he will get it at some point.

OP, please don't swear at me but reading your posts, a lot of the language you use about your son is quite adult - urinate, penis, pissing and shitting - and I wonder if in your frustration, you are losing sight of the fact that he is still little? Old enough that most of his peers are toilet trained, yes, but still a little boy with perhaps less understanding than you attribute to him?

I'm sure there must be a lot of helpful strategies out there so maybe take a week or two as a break, then read up and decide on your method and approach it freshly. It sounds like a nightmare and I really sympathise but I think you need to give yourself some time off stressing about it.

At some point, he will actually want to do it. Whether it is influence from peers, a brilliant bribery system you set up or just something clicking in his head. But as long ad he is determined against it for whatever reason in his little head, I just don't think it will work.

Fify I'm not PT my child, I've refused. End of. DH has said he will do it.

I've done sleepless nights, breastfeeding, had a CS and dealt with weaning both children.

HE can deal with shit from now on.

he just wants to hurt and upset us, he wants to talk like a baby and behave like one too

For a reason! He is even more upset than you because he doesn't understand how to do what you want him to do, so he cannot make you happy. He has so little control over the situation, baby talk is often a sign of insecurity, he wants to feel safe and secure again like he used to.

You CANNOT force a child to toilet train.
It is NOT a competition. So what if your child is the last in the class? Someone has to be. He is still well within the normal age range.

September is months away. Put him back in nappies until you are in a better place. Get yourself some help, it really sounds like you need it, then try again when it is warmer and accidents are less of a problem in the garden.

You're getting way out of proportion. And I don't think there's any need for you to stay in the house constantly because you're potty training. It's just making it a massive issue. It's hard I know - when dd was doing it I went out to the park with her and she wet through 4 sets of clothes but I just changed her and got on with it including toilet stops where not much happened! She was a bit older than 3. She is 11 now and is dry trust me..

Get loads and loads of clothes so it doesn't matter if he wets. Just change and go. Put towels underneath him on sofas etc. Don't put your life or his life on hold because he can't wee in a toilet.

You're making it the sole reason for your unhappiness and trust me it isn't.

^Well he can't go to school to 'get away from me' because he wont grow up like a normal child. There is obviously something wrong with him. ^

Don’t you dare say that about your own child. It takes a nasty piece of work to blame their child for their own failings.
I'm sure he's please to know he is defective and you are perfect.

i have so been on that edge you're on. I don't know what to say really, all the 'it will pass' stuff doesn't really help at the low points, however true it is. It's shit. Literally.

Oh I'm not into this 'wee wee' shite we are all adults here. Of course I speak to him like he is a fucking child because he is one. Don't worry, I'm going to make sure I have somewhere else to live by the end of this month.

Ok.
Right.
If you think there is "something wrong" with your son (like I did) then perhaps you should concentrate on getting him some help rather than wallowing in self pity and blaming a child for something they cannot help?
Oh, and "normal" is a vast spectrum.

You appear to want to provoke somebody into saying-

'Yes you are a shit Mother'
'Yes you have failed'
'Yes he is a demon child>

Not going to work, that tactic on me.

You are acting out far worse than your child appears to be. Think about why that may be and what kind of behaviour he will learn from that. Because he will sense it.