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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

I just want to kill him today

784 replies

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 07:45

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

OP posts:
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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/03/2014 15:38

Many of them will have got it by 4, yes - but not all of them.

I was the parent changing wet beds almost every night, sometimes twice a night - I get why you are frustrated, believe me, I do - but the OP saying starting at 2 would have changed things for her is wrong. It is pretty obvious her son is not emotionally ready for potty training - so starting earlier would just have meant more stress, for longer.

Am I wrong to say that children are individuals, who learn different skills at different times and paces? Do people on here really believe that all children are ready to,potty train at age 2? If so, what is the exact age when they will learn to read or write or ride a bike? If you can't put an exact figure on when every child WILL be able to learn those skills, why can you put such an exact figure on when every child is ready to,potty train?

PirateJones · 28/03/2014 15:39

ill re-post this now things have calmed down:

Could it be that he's having trouble "getting started" when he pees? you could try getting him to lightly press his tummy above his groin / under his belly button and see if that starts the stream off when he is bursting.

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 15:39

saintly I think the OP said as soon as he gets off the potty/toilet then he wees everywhere? Thats the same as my child

DH is having another go over Easter - baby and I are going out to enjoy ourselves free from the carnage that is PTing in our house

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 15:42

Children should START being potty trained at 2, not expected to BE FULLY potty trained at 2.
Washing bedding? I am no where near him having anything to do with evening potty traIning. He has wet himself today while out, we will have to shower him, he will hate it.

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 28/03/2014 15:42

Does that mean he's peeing standing up? Maybe it's the squatting on a potty that makes him think eek& hold and it all comes out in a relief on standing?

A friend toilet trained her dd by sitting her on the potty in a nappy. Then gradually cutting the nappy off iyswim - she she had a smaller & smaller nappy then eventually none at all.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 15:44

Tried sitting, standing the lot

Just won't do it.

OP posts:
Eyelet · 28/03/2014 15:48

A friend suggested that I showered DC after any accident.

No improvement.

chickpeastew · 28/03/2014 15:48

Hi OP - it sounds like your ds has full daytime bladder and bowel control but doesn't want to cooperate with potty training. I have had a ds like this. There is a really very good book which helped me called "constipation, withholding and your child" that I got off amazon. Is it possible your ds is a bit constipated? This can lead to refusal to potty train, as kids associate bowel movements with pain and discomfort, and get themselves into the habit of holding it in.

If you think your ds may be constipated then the gp can prescribe a mild laxative which will make it impossible for your ds to hold in his bowel movements and also get rid of any pain caused by constipation. This then has a knock on effect on the bladder withholding.

It is a stressful situation but by ensuring that there isn't an underlying medical cause you will minimise any stress for your child.

saintlyjimjams · 28/03/2014 15:49

I would back off for 2 weeks - month then start again. TBH. It all sounds a bit of a head on battle at the moment.

Or get some incontinence pants things. I used those with ds1 - they look like normal pants but prevent everything getting soaked - and the child can feel the wee unlike a disposable.

Or try the cuttting off thing my friend used (although it sounds in your case that your son isn't fussed about having to go in a nappy particularly, just not the potty).

What about those ping pong balls you can get boys to try and hit with their wee? Make weeing itself fun?

BeanAboutTown · 28/03/2014 15:54

Haven't read the whole thread but as someone who's been there and done that I'd just like to offer a and Brew and probably lots and lots of Wine to any parent going through this

It is frustrating and upsetting beyond belief when it's you who has to clean up all the faeces endlessly, and all the other kids you know of the same age are trained up.

The fact that some people are letting off steam on this thread is a GOOD thing if it means they're able to express their frustration safely and then return to their kids feeling less angry and upset. They shouldn't be told they're awful people for doing that, IMO

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 15:58

saintly how often should backing off be done - genuinely - when we try again at Easter then Dd will be 3.10, and thats the fourth attempt.

BeanAboutTown · 28/03/2014 15:58

And yes, agree with Saintly - once you've established it's not a medical issue of some sort, the only way forwards it to take a deep breath, back down, and take the pressure off the child. I know it's really hard to do though when you're just desperate not to have to change nappies any more - but one of my few bits of sterling parenting wisdom is: don't get into a battle of wills with a three year old. You will lose, and you'll hate yourself for having got into the battle!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/03/2014 15:58

I can tell youcatagorically that NONE of my dses was ready even to start potty training at age 2 - all three neuro typical, bright, coordinated, no physical disabilities or sensory issues - just not ready to start.

If we had tried to start too early for them, we'd have had many more accidents and lots more stress - why would I want that?

I do get why people are frustrated - believe me, I do, but insisting all children are ready to potty train at age 2 is only going to make for more frustrated parents, not fewer.

YoDiggity · 28/03/2014 16:00

but how do you know they are not ready to start if you don't start them? There are not always obvious signs.

BeanAboutTown · 28/03/2014 16:05

Completely agree that not all kids are ready at 2. But it is ruddy annoying when it's your kid who isn't ready Grin

Eyelet - just keep trying but in a really low-key way. Take the nappies off for a day or so, see if you're getting a cooperative response. If you're not, plaster on your best 'don't worry darling' face, put the nappy on again and try again in another month or so. Rinse and repeat. Do your damnedest not to let the child see you're pissed off.

Once the child learns that it's not a battle of wills any more they'll be much more willing to have a go.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 28/03/2014 16:06

Agreed SDTG mine was miles off aged 2. It would have been totally pointless. I knew loads of 2yo boys who were trained but it didn't bother me that my son wasn't and we didn't start til 3. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to deal with such total refusal from a nearly 4yo but imposing blanket rules and expectations on small children just isn't all that helpful. I'm worried OP is blaming herself for this and that a lot of this anger is aimed at herself and I just keep wanting to say that it isn't her fault for not starting earlier, it's just an incredibly frustrating thing. We will all have something like this to deal with in parenting whether it's sleep, diet, toilet training or something else. It's not a result of bad parenting, just one of those things that o be day will just be a horrible memory.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/03/2014 16:10

Yes, of course it is annoying - after 6 years+ of wet beds, believe me, I get how annoying it is.

I had two boys who were dry, when their brother (2 and 4 years their elder) wasn't. That's how I know that you can't make hard and fast rules about when a child is ready to potty train.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 16:11

There is a big difference between a child being ready at age 2 (and by that I mean between being 23 months and being 35 months and STARTING a child on potty training at that time. No lots of children WONT be ready, but they aren't all ready to start reading at 3 or 4 but we still START them doing these things, introduce it into their lives.

When they get to 3 the defiance starts, the 'i know what you want me to do but you can get fucked' and it is the WORST thing for potty training

I have just showered him because he pissed himself while we took the dog for a walk, didnt give a fuck that he was soaking wet, didnt care at all. Hated HATED the shower but we didn't prolong it (why would you) and is now in the lounge, clutching his penis AGAIN because he probably needs a piss AGAIN but won't go to the fucking toilet and use it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 16:12

Wet beds sounds like a DREAM!

When you can do NOTHING with your child because they piss and shit EVERYWHERE during the day it is a different story!!!

OP posts:
PirateJones · 28/03/2014 16:13

would he find peeing the the garden more fun? The novelty of going like the dog does might have an effect.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 16:15

I dont want him to piss in the garden. I want him to piss in the toilet.

OP posts:
PirateJones · 28/03/2014 16:16

no you want him to piss somewhere that isn't the house.
If you are not going to have any give and take you will not get him trained.

PirateJones · 28/03/2014 16:18

if you are that desperate, you will try getting him to pee anywhere that isn't his pants. the first stage here is to get him peeing somewhere that isn't a nappy.

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 16:19

When you can do NOTHING with your child because they piss and shit EVERYWHERE during the day it is a different story

^this - a thousand times this - I go nowhere, I get our shopping delivered, baby doesn't get to go to playgroups or play sessions because the looks I get when older girl is in tow make me feel worse than useless at parenting - which you know is all about clearing up endless amounts of shit.

When its warmer she can run around outside with no clothes on or with clothes on. Nursery won't stand for the naked bit but at least that way I can get the washing dry outside.

Its singularly depressing tbh

chickpeastew · 28/03/2014 16:20

Op please check out the possibility there is a medical explanation. Constipation is horrible for children. My ds took 4 years to potty train because of it. It was very stressful for both of us and really affected everything he did.