I just want to kill him today

[Fifyfomum]

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

SolomanDaisy I've seen some fairly ugly sleep deprived threads

I can understand why the OP is so angry, it must be hard :(

Fifyfomum feel free to pm anytime - because I can understand it all.

At your sons age when they do decide it's time it's all done and dusted in a day or two, IME. So there is still lots if time, even though I know you feel like there isn't.

My DS's were both late to potty train. Eldest was 3y 5m and I was convinced my youngest would be earlier as he had his big brother to model himself on. Well that was very wrong - he was 3y 11m before he potty trained!

I fretted about it taking so long but decided to back off and barely mention it (though had the potty available at all times and made a positive fuss if it was simply sat on) until they were 4. Took the pressure off both of us.

You say your DS is physically ready - so, honestly, when he wants to do it he'll be sorted that day (with perhaps a couple of accidents) and school is months away.

I know it seems like every child but yours is trained but your DS is still well within a normal potty training timescale age. Good luck.

Thanks eyelet you've been a great help I really appreciate it.

Also thanks to many others who have just let me vent and given me positive glimmers of hope.

burden he is quite happy to sit on the potty or loo, no issues at all. It's the using them we can't get across to him

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B001JD4QH0/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1396018362&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165

These training pants are great, towelling inside, so he can feel he is wet, plastic inner layer to protect sofa, then cotton outside. About to dust them off for DS3. I didn't get my elder 2 trained until about 3.5 years old.

I would have been happy with 3.5 I really would. It's the pushing 4yrs old that is breaking me.

I have some pants very similar to those I bought from mothercare. I hope they work!

fify, won't help you but all my children were very late potty-training. They just didn't seem to have any really control over those muscles until they're knocking on 6.

DS and DDs 1 & 2 usually came home from school every day smelling of pee and with sore bottoms, until year 2. DD3 (4.5) still poos in her pants occasionally, even at school, and routinely pees in them. Luckily she's in a school where they're pretty laid back about cleaning her up, but most schools aren't and I can so understand your frustration.

The one thing you do need to bear in mind is that he's not doing it deliberately. One thing that worked well for us in general was bribery- one very small sweet (ie a smartie) for every trip to the potty, at first, kind of broke the ice with the potty. Later, it was every trip to the potty with still dry pants. Then we shifted to bribery only for "successful" trips with dry pants. She still has bad days, but many are fine.

I know no amount of saying he will get it helps you right now but he really will. Think about the boy he was 5 months ago. He's not that same boy, think about what he's learnt in that 5 months. The skills he's developed, his speech, his physical and emotional development. And he's still got 5 months before school to learn this 1 thing. I know it's a big thing he needs to learn but he's managed all the other massive things just fine so this one will be okay too. Please believe that and stop kicking yourself and calling yourself a bad mum.

As an old gimmer with children now in their 20s can I say I think you are doing the right thing. Of course you don't want to do this before a child is ready but some children need a push rather than being self-motivated.

It's not called training for nothing, the word itself implies a system of rewards and consequences. My DM insists that in the 1960s children were clean and dry much earlier as the combination of terry nappies, lack of changing facilities and it not being the done thing to change nappies when out led to consequences of general discomfort and sore bums. MIL held her babies over a potty after a feed from 6 months on and provided chocolate button rewards for results.

I am shocked at how rude some people have been to you on here OP although you have given as good as you've got. It never ceases to amaze me how horrid women can be to other women who don't do exactly as they do on feeding, sleeping, potty training, discipline, smacking and more.

I don't blame people for being rude. They can crack on.

Thank you for your post, it was really comforting!

Please forget this notion that because SOME children potty train easily at age 2, they all will - that is just plain WRONG!

Do all children learn to walk at the same age? Or talk at the same age? Do they all learn to read, or write, or subtract, or ride a bike at the same age? Of course they don't - so why should potty training be any different?

Stop comparing your child to other children - that way madness lies. Let him do things in his own time - it will be far less stressful for you and for him.

Not read it all because by page 11 I've lost patience with the OP (which I'm sure she will tell me to fuck off about).

But I wanted to say most parents have got to the end of their teather about something and will have a rant and a swear. This is not a rant this is someone being really insulting and vile. Like others have said above I do not believe for one but that some of your anger is not being directed at your son.

Now I'm going to hide this thread before told to fuck off.

Children should start potty traing at two, before the defiance begins.

I would have been happy with 3.5 I really would. It's the pushing 4yrs old that is breaking me.

Amen to that

OP I just wanted to say- it Will get better. I have been through appalling toilet training. DS (outing myself here to anyone who knows me) was fully trained at home at 3.10 BUT, would not use any other toilet. Or potty. Anywhere. No matter what. He just wet/soiled himself. FOR A YEAR.
He would not sit on any other loo. He just wouldn't. If we suggested it we had tantrums, screaming, kicking aggression.
No helpful advice from anyone professional. Lots of. 'Oh he'll train when ready' and I know that NO-one believed he was trained at home (it had taken weeks and weeks). He was. But something about not being at home was a problem

I got Sooo angry. Because I KNEW he could do it. But wouldn't. So angry- and yes, so sometimes angry with him too.

It took some bribery, (chocs) lots of cuddles (for 6 months I had to cuddle him while he weed on strange loos) and quite a bit if pressure.

He used to have to wee outside in the garden at my parents house. and outside church, preschool, shops, by the car, anywhere else you can think of

Training my son to use the toilet anywhere was the hardest patenting thing I've done.

But now, he's fine. It WILL be better.
And you & eyelet and all those others who have more problems than most- I know that it's not as easy as some people think.
I know how frustrating normal potty training is (also have 3 other DCs) and when it's extreme it's a whole different ball game.
IT WILL GET BETTER!

Bollocks. Sorry, but that is total bollocks. Children learn different things at different times.

Trying to start him potty training at 2 would just have meant years more of this stress.

Are you going to be this frustrated and controlling if he doesn't learn to read as fast as your friends' children? Or if he doesn't get as good exam results as them? Or if he doesn't pass his driving test when they do?

HE IS AN INDIVIDUAL - for god's sake let him BE an individual!

Also - I've asked some honest questions on this thread, questions I have no answer to and yet I've been told that I should just wipe up mess ad infinitum because thats called parenting.

EVERY CHILD IS NOT READY TO POTTY TRAIN AT AGE 2

No - SDTG - No I won't because those things don't smell of shit - they don't need constantly clearing up, my frustration comes from having to buy and change nappies, my house smelling constantly of poo, and biggest issue (for us) is the state of my childs skin, nappies make her sweat, her skin despite many different steroids and moisturisers is raw and bleeding.

*BUT BY VERY NEARLY FOUR THEY SHOULD HAVE WOKEN UP AND SMELT THE FUCKING COFFEE NO?

pm sent

fify I am sorry if I missed it on the thread but how long have you been trying to potty train him?

Hear hear eyelet

If he's holding in all day are you sure his bladder isn't going into spasm, making it then very hard to go. This is what happened to my son several times during toilet training. As I said above the hospital told us to give pain killers to release the spasm and wait half an hour.

Once he got the hang of not holding on obsessively then obviously she stopped going into spasms