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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

I just want to kill him today

784 replies

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 07:45

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

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Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:28

He is fucking ready! He can hold a piss in all fucking DAY!

Of course he is ready!!!!!!

OP posts:
OrangeMochaFrappucino · 28/03/2014 14:29

I understand that you are sure that waiting was the wrong decision for you, but I don't agree that all kids should be made to do it age 2 - we waited til our sonwad ready, this happened at 3, we trained successfully. There isn't any adv exp that works for everyone - but it could easily have been the case that you had started with your son aged 2 and found it disastrous and then you might be venting on here about how trying to force it too early had messed it all up. You don't know whether or not that would have worked, the fact that you didn't do it then doesn't make you a bad mother and the fact that it isn't going well now is not your fault. All kids will encounter some particular stumbling block. You will get past this.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:29

Bed wet is fine at three and a lot. Wandering around in shit filled nappies because you cant be fucked to learn to use the toilet is NOT fine

OP posts:
Brucietheshark · 28/03/2014 14:29

Eyelet - many 'professionals' are a waste of time and space, particularly wrt toileting.

I'd recommend a behavioural analyst personally.

Paloma12 · 28/03/2014 14:29

I think I would have toileting issues if I lived with someone like you, and I am in my 30s. You sound truly awful.

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 14:31

But for how long do we clear up? How long do we keep going? I have another child, a baby, why should she have to be kept penned up in a playpen because I am dealing with yet more wee, yet more poo

And as I said above any attempt at even discussing leads to constipation - and then behaviour becomes a safeguarding issue for my younger child (I'm not exaggerating - several professional people have witnessed it and said its extreme)

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:31

Actually we did start at. 2 with a lot more success but were told to wait until he was ready.

Obviously it is always going to be hard but it didn't need to be this hard.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/03/2014 14:32

"He is fucking ready! He can hold a piss in all fucking DAY!

Of course he is ready!!!!!!"

So he is physically ready ^but NOT emotionally ready!!

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 14:32

Funnily enough we do have a referral to a behavioural expert after the last round of PT, it got that out of control with her taking all her anger out on baby

Paloma12 · 28/03/2014 14:33

Eyelet: How long do you keep going? Until they get there. That's called parenting. What else are you going to do, take them back to the shop?

Mintyy · 28/03/2014 14:34

Well, I'm going to do something I never do and that is report you for making personal attacks, op. Why on earth are you allowed to rage and swear at your fellow posters just because you are angry that your son isn't toilet trained? This is a vile thread.

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 14:34

Children can be manipulative though - they absolutely can - and I think this is why leaving it late (for us) was a mistake. Because although shes always been stubborn when she was younger (much much younger) she wanted to copy but physically wans't able to sit on the toilet - maybe in our case we shoudl have simply found equipment to get round that problem

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 14:35

It had crossed my mind to ask for a refund

Brucietheshark · 28/03/2014 14:36

Eyelet - make sure they're accredited by: www.bacb.com

There's a chance you'll be sent a pretendy 'behavioural expert' with about as much qualification for the job as a satsuma.

nochips · 28/03/2014 14:36

OP, my DS is about to turn 4. he is not potty trained. He has nothing wrong with him, he just refuses point blank. he has peed in the potty twice, and did a poo yesterday, so I thought we had cracked it. Nup. no way.

Stop comparing him to other people. Other people often lie, because they do not want to be judged. Seriously...... there are nappies available up to 7-8 years old and beyond. Why do you think that is? because everybody is different, and some children take longer than others.

Lollyheart · 28/03/2014 14:36

Totally agree Mintyy

Vile!

SouthernComforts · 28/03/2014 14:37

Eyelet - I understand, truly I do. You wrote earlier "She does - but no physical delay - she has been considered well and truly able to use a toilet by professionals. She just chooses not to" If you replace 'use a toilet' with 'eat' that is my dd. She will not eat. So I understand.

BUT I would never speak about her the way the OP has about her son. If my DD does one day stop eating completely, she will need an operation fit a tube into her stomach to keep her alive.

If the OPs son wont wee on the toilet he will go to nursery in nappies and she'll feel a bit inferior at the school gates. It doesn't - IMO - warrant the level of anger shown on this thread.

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 14:38

The question about clearing up is relevant - how long do we stop going out? How long do we avoid everything because "I'm so sorry my child has just wee'd on your carpet/chair/sofa" becomes old fast when around you children years younger get it in a week or over a weekend.

Ta Brucie I'll check them out once we have a name.

RiverTam · 28/03/2014 14:40

blaming all and sundry for this situation isn't helping - you or your DS.

sorry, Eyelet, but I would not allow my DD to be called a baby just because she wasn't yet potty trained - there is a whole lot more to being a baby than that, so it is most certainly not the 'truth' - there can be many reasons why DC are still in nappies at this age. Would you think it acceptable to refer to a pre-schooler who had speech delay and spoke 'like a baby' to be called a baby?

ASmidgeofMidge · 28/03/2014 14:42

Every other child wasn't/isn't clean/dry by now... This thread has proved that. Lots of pp with experience of early and 'late' PT.

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 14:43

I have actually been where the OP is - I think anger in a thread is far better than anger at a child - and although I would stop short of called my child an animal then I see what she is saying.

Southern I know of friends whose son won't eat - extremely upsetting and worrying, I hope things improve..

Its anger born of frustration - and as MN knows many HVs are simply not worth the space

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 14:45

Maybe not - but as she learns from her peers and I've had no success then maybe in this instance her peers can help educate her.

If she was upset by it I'd step in but at this stage she simply does not care

SolomanDaisy · 28/03/2014 14:49

Oh. I don't think I have ever seen a parent on here being so very angry, sweary and unpleasant about an issue related to their child. Is potty training really all that's going on here or have I missed something?

SouthernComforts · 28/03/2014 14:50

Thankyou eyelet - you too.

God, I know the sheer frustration when a child won't do something that comes naturally to every other child. It is soul destroying.

My issue was with the language and tone of the OP, which I've stated and explained so there's nothing more I can add.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:51

I would rather be angry here than be angry with him.

He doesn't deserve that because basically I should have been a better parent and dealt with this before I did. I honestly believed that if I waited it would be easier. It is not I am fucking ashamed of myself for taking that advice.

I have a feeling the next week is going to be horrific and upsetting and just make me not want to be a mum anymore.

OP posts: