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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

I just want to kill him today

784 replies

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 07:45

I am so annoyed with my son, he is 3.8 and has shown absolutely no sign of 'wanting to potty train' which EVERYBODY told me would 'happen naturally' when he turned three.

He is now sat on the potty, he has been there for around an hour and it looks like he will be there for an hour more. Every time he stands up he cries because he is busting for the loo and I sit him back down again but he refuses REFUSES to wee on the potty.

I need to potty train him before school it is getting RIDICULOUS and when I talk to him now he is putting on this 'baby' voice and sticking his tongue out around his teeth so he can't talk properly and I am SO ANGRY with him.

Why WHY won't he just use the potty? All his friends at nursery use the potty, he knows what to do because we have been going through this ridiculous process day after day trying to get him to bloody urinate out of a nappy.

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

OP posts:
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YoDiggity · 28/03/2014 14:20

oh give over Southern

Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:20

This reply has been deleted

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YoDiggity · 28/03/2014 14:21

He doesn't sound terrified to me, he sounds lazy and manipulative.

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 14:21

And no - I'm not telling the other children off for voicing something which tbh is truthful

She wears nappies like a baby
She smells bad (and we bath and wipe her very regularly which exacerbates her skin)

Only difference between her and a baby is that she can get to a toilet and she has used a toilet successfully.

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:22

He is the fucking OPPOSITE of terrified. He is running around, playing with his dad/brother/the dog not a care in the fucking world. Just holding his penis to stop himself from pissing everywhere because somehow that is better than fucking pissing in the toilet.

OP posts:
Brucietheshark · 28/03/2014 14:22

ime incentives have to be immediate and really, really brilliant, e.g. whole packet of sweets as saintlyjimjams said.

No negative stuff, e.g. you won't get to do this or that. And absolutely NO reaction to accidents, either positive or negative. Just matter of fact cleaning up and getting child to 'help'.

BUT I do not practise what I preach and do get THE RAGE after 15 months of poo and wee in all sorts of places. I do understand the anger.

Weliveinabeautifulworld · 28/03/2014 14:23

If this was my child:

I would have a fun relaxing weekend, then first thing Monday morning I would take him to see the GP and demand some help. Perhaps they can give him something to relax his muscles so he doesn't tense up.

Brucietheshark · 28/03/2014 14:24

To be honest fify, if you'd started at age 2, you could still be going now having given up and re-started a thousand times.

Not really much point looking for someone to blame

MissUumellmahaye · 28/03/2014 14:24

I agree Fify, I felt I had no instinct at all for potty training whereas all previous chapters up to that point I'd felt I'd be able to muddle through on instinct and common sense.

I raged and raged on here about DD's sleep, nothing wrong with that IMO.

Do you have a sink in your downstairs toilet? When we are trying to get DD to do a pee before bed she sometimes says she doesn't need to go but if we put the tap on she miraculously produces something.

Mintyy · 28/03/2014 14:24

I don't mind being told to fuck off at all but op you really need to stop ranting now. You started ranting more than 7 hours ago. It is bad for you to get so worked up and very likely to have an effect on your son's behaviour although you will insist on denying it. You are showing yourself in a bad light.

Weliveinabeautifulworld · 28/03/2014 14:24

When my DS went from a bottle to a cup, we could only get him to change once we bribed him- have you tried rewarding your DS?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/03/2014 14:24

Fifyfomum - no child will be toilet trained until they are physically and emotionally ready - I am sorry if you don't believe that, but what you are going through with your son now just proves that it is true.

If he can't do it now, what makes you think that he would have been more ready at 2 years old? That is completely illogical! If you had started at 2, you would just have had over 18 months of what you've been going through today - and worse!!

You have to learn that, just because some children are ready to do something at a particular age DOESN'T mean every child is ready to do it at that age - they are individuals!

How would you feel if, in a year's time, a teacher was getting as infuriated as you are now, because your child couldn't read as many words as the best readers in his class? If they were so cross because your child wasn't able to do something that another child the same age could do? Would you think the teacher was right to expect all their pupils to be able to achieve the same targets at the same time, or would you want them to see each pupil as an individual, with their own strengths and weaknesses, needs and gifts?

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:25

Then why is every other fucker who started potty training at 2 mostly in dry clothes all the time? Why? Makes no fucking sense does it.

OP posts:
SouthernComforts · 28/03/2014 14:25

Seriously? Mumsnet is weird. People get absolutely flamed on here for referring to other peoples children as naughty or a little shit or using the wrong terminology..

This OP is so angry she wants to kill him, refers to him as a fucking animal, pissing and shitting himself etc.. I don't like it and I'm going to say so.

FWIW, I didn't potty train my dd till 3.5, I could possibly empathise with the OP if she wasn't so vile.

Eyelet · 28/03/2014 14:25

welive we have a team (yes a whole team) of professionals, all have agreed our child is able and ready and yet none have any suggestions on what else to try.

She
will
not
use
a
toilet
to
wee
and
poo

^ thats a difference perspective on stating the problem

gamerchick · 28/03/2014 14:25

I agree with Yo I had to do that with my second. Told him that only babies wee in nappies and big boys go to nursery. He did get it quick after that because he loved nursery.

Alternatively.. turn potty training over to dad.. put a ping pong ball in the toilet and have dad aim for it so youngling can watch. Apparently it's great fun to pee a ping pong ball around the loo.

Turning it into a battle is one you will lose.. we always lose them.

zoemaguire · 28/03/2014 14:26

My ds is older than yours, also starting school in September. No sign whatsoever of him getting it, it turned into a huge battle of wills with him point blank refusing to go anywhere near a loo or potty. I had to make a conscious effort to disengage and be the adult. I told him that from now on, he was wearing pants and I was up to him to tell me when he wanted to go. I would not ask him ever. After about 3 weeks of 5 accidents a day, suddenly, about 6 weeks ago, he announced he wanted a potty star chart. He has not had a single accident since. He might have been physically ready before, but emotionally he was not.

If you turn this into a battle of wills, you WILL lose. You cannot make him do this. Don't put him back in nappies, but do disengage. Make it his decision not yours to not have wet clothes. A bit of autonomy goes a long way. And fgs forget about potty v loo, nursery can do what they like, it is them changing his clothes. At home, give him the choice.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/03/2014 14:26

Because their children HAPPENED to be ready then!!

Children are individuals - let him develop at his own pace.

Brucietheshark · 28/03/2014 14:26

Other people lie about how dry their kids are, particularly the ones who started potty training super early imo.

The same ones that pretend they started sleeping through at 3 months.

PirateJones · 28/03/2014 14:27

What if you buy nappies you know are too small, and show him he no longer fits so he will have to use the potty?

Original poster
Fifyfomum · 28/03/2014 14:27

I tried the tap trick earlier.

I will be ranty on this thread

I will tell people who call me 'vile and evil' to fuck off.

If you dont like it... FUCK OFF

I couldn't give a shit if I am 'coming across in a bad light' it is fucking irrelevant to what is going on right now.

We are going out now, I have told him that he does a wee now or if he wets himself out he will have to stay wet for a bit.

he needs to learn that pissing himself is uncomfortable

OP posts:
Eyelet · 28/03/2014 14:27

She isn't vile - she is at the end of her tether
As am I

And no fecker will help - because for all the other children they seem to want to be clean

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/03/2014 14:27

That's in answer to the question about all the other children who trained quickly at age 2, btw.

firstchoice · 28/03/2014 14:27

OP,
If you look back at my posts you will see that I was trying to offer advice re 'potty training' (keeping nappies off, taking time to concentrate on it, using a child seat on an actual loo, not worrying about other parents / nursery). I was also trying to speak of my experiences in case that was of any use.
I have also expressed the opinion that you might seek support with your anger which seems disproportionate and may be counterproductive.
I am sorry if any of that has offended you.

Thumbwitch · 28/03/2014 14:28

Fify - but are they dry at night, all these other force-trained children who've been out of nappies since they were 2? Do their mothers tell you if they bed-wet? Forcing them too early can result in prolonged bed-wetting at night (another reason I left it and left it)