Parents criticised our chosen baby name without knowing it was ours

[Bringbackbuffy]

We haven’t shared any of our baby name choices yet with any friends or family, but we don’t have any lists. We just have a boys name and a girls name.

My parents went on a complete rant the other day about one of our chosen names- they don’t know we’ve chosen it- a friend of theirs has just named their child that.

It was really quite hurtful to listen to, and to know they hate the name so much- but we still don’t want to change it.

I don’t really know what to do, I just wish they hadn’t been so awful

If it’s Wilfred then yes, definitely a marmite name and has only recently become popular so can see why a parent wouldn’t like it. But if you like it, who cares? They’ll get used to it.

There would have been a time when say 'Mabel' would have been deemed 'awful' and 'old fashioned' etc. Now it's a name that is coming back into fashion. There's a trend to join two names together with a hyphen. Mai or May seems to be a popular choice for the second hyphenated name! Names tend to go in cycles and it's not unusual for different generations to dislike particular names.

Your parents weren't insulting your choice, because they don't know it's your choice. They've made their opinion know about a particular name. You don't have to take a blind bit of notice of their opinion. They aren't naming your baby, you and your husband are, and if they dislike your choice that's tough!

I actually think it's far crazier to duplicate names in a family than to choose less common ones (as long as they are actual names!).

There are two basic functions for a name: for it to identify you in particular in your family and for other people (at least in your country/culture) to be able to spell and pronounce. Therefore, it's just as unsuitable and a very poor choice to call your child Fefjshurykthieosaxfz as it is to call them John, when they already have a father, brother, uncle or grandfather called John.

You wouldn't use the same word to refer to very different things in your home - "I put some laundry in the television and then I sat down on the television to watch the television and spend a bit of time MNing on my television whilst I waited for the cycle to finish - it was raining outside, so I had to dry it in the television, but at least it was only underwear, so I didn't need to run the television over it afterwards" - so why on earth would you deliberately choose that confusion for actual human beings?!

When I was about to become a granny,I told ds and his (then) girlfriend to keep the name secret and only reveal it once the baby was born

They ignored me (which was fine) and started telling people-most where polite even if it wasnt to their taste

My mother who is a narcissist hit the roof-no great grandchild of hers was going to have such a chavvy name,it was a 'servant' name and they had to chose another from her approved list (I knew she'd do this as she'd pulled the same stunt on me with my dc, which i had explained to them)

They told her in no uncertain terms that this is their baby and if she carried on,she wouldn't get within 10 feet of their child

She did wind her neck in as she knows how stubborn ds can be

Didn't stop her slagging off the name to any sucker that would listen to her

Baby was born and the 'super awful,'chavvy' and horrid' name was suddenly the best name ever and that she'd helped choose it as she had the best taste in baby names

(I want to add that there is no name that is 'chavvy' or 'a servant name' both are an awful thing to say about any name)

The beautiful name that sparked 7 months of hell?

Maisie

My dad did - perhaps not awful but when we told him what we were calling our youngest he pulled a face and said he didn't like it.

To which I replied "I don't care whether you like it or not, we do!"

I wasn't hurt because his opinion on the name didn't really matter.

Just to add, it is also a perfectly normal, top 50, name, nothing weird!

But that isn’t what’s happened. They have no idea you are also intending on using the name.

People have opinions on names, you can’t stop that.

its YOUR opinion and not fact.

It's literally none of their business. It is your baby, not theirs. When born and the name is revealed, they will remember that you heard them say those nasty things. YANBU to be hurt by their comments, but it wouldn't deter me from giving my DS the name I've chosen for him.

Meh, my parents and sibling hated DC4’s name and DC1 thought combined with our surname it sounded like a reference from a popular series.
That’s why I like to discuss potential names. Surprising them doesn’t change people opinions, it just tends to hide them although I had to force my face into submission when I heard two of my niblings names. If you hadn’t heard the conversation they’d still be thinking it but you’d be none the wiser which is far worse IMO.

A good friend of mine berated the name I gave to my dd before she knew that we’d had it on our list. Months later we were talking about names and I brought up what she’d said, she said “I was hoping you wouldn’t remember that” and we laughed and moved on. I have no regrets and DD is 20 now. Obviously it would have been more hurtful from a grandparent but I still would’ve picked it.

You must have led a very sheltered life. Or have very little to worry about.

When you pick a name I think you have to accept that not everyone will like it. One person’s ’classic and timeless’ is another person’s ’dull as dishwater’.

You will not find a name everyone loves. So focus on the fact YOU love it and use this as practice for all the opinions you will get on all aspects of parenting when the baby arrives ..

I do understand, my FIL said ‘you can’t saddle a baby with THAT’ about my favourite name a couple of years before I was pregnant, but we used the name anyway.

We picked beautiful, old but unusual names for our DC. Unusual means not everyone will like them, and that’s fine. DC love their names!

This - You might like the name now but when Baby is born might change your mind
Think of the friends episode of Rachel naming Emma
You can name your child what ever you want though
You cant change what people think of it
My nephew is named a god awful name 😫an old fashioned name that has come back in fashion - even nearly 20 years later i still cant say it without getting shudders - detest it - but sure its not my child 😶

I met a toddler called Stanley. He was the cutest baby & I now love the name. I would have to hold my laugh in if I heard the other 2 names but agree it's just an opinion & personal taste.

If they were being rude about the name you had given your baby then that would be hurtful, but I think YABVU to be upset about them having an opinion on a name they don’t know you’ve chosen. That’s just ridiculous.

But when I give the baby that name I will know all these nasty thoughts they have.

My MIL actually said to my face she couldn’t believe what we called our DD - very old lady name but it was my grandmas name and that’s where we got it from. 21 years later she’s over it 😂. She’s normally lovely so I’m not sure why she was so blunt about this. I think she was miffed we didn’t tell her I was in labour until after I had her (which is just as well because it went very wrong and we were both lucky to get out of it alive - maybe that’s why I didn’t give a shit).

When you name your baby the name will become associated with your baby and they will love it because they love your baby no matter what they previously thought about the name.

I appreciate it's disappointing to hear they are not fond of the name but no one likes every name and I'm sure there's plenty of names you don't like. In future I'm sure if your child happened to choose one of those for their child you'd still love you grandchild.

And?
Then they will also know that you know that they don't like the name.
What do you want to do? Force them to lie and say they like it to make you happy?
Not sure what you want, or expect TBH.
Its your baby- your name choice.

My mum doesn’t like my daughters name, it’s never mentioned 5 years later and I didn’t care then and don’t care now. My mum remains a fantastic grandmother and loves my daughter. Don’t think on it to much.

Well that’s it, you’re prepared! Honestly, this is going round in circles, you know they don’t like the name, you can say, I know you’re not keen but we love it, or you change it.

They cannot help not liking a name! It’s personal preference.

but so will they and they will know that you know......perfect revenge!!

The actual name is irrelevant- it obviously isn't XY12!sss, as that wouldn't come to mind of two couples in one area in the same time.

Ignore, announce when you decide, they will get used to it

My stepmum really hates the name George. Always has done! When I said I was having a boy she said 'you won't call him George, will you?' and we had a laugh about that. I'm not especially fond of the name George either, so it was never on my list, but if I had wanted to call him that, I'd have done it anyway. People can be funny about names but they'll get used to it - just call him what you want (unless it's something weird or misspelt, in which case, don't).

They don’t know you’ve chosen it though so it’s not like they were criticising you personally. If I said I didn’t like a name, not realising that person was planning on using it, I’d hope it doesn’t make me a mean person. I did mention to a colleague a name I found really dull once and they told me that was their DD’s name. I laughed as I thought they were joking, they weren’t 🫣😳