Parents criticised our chosen baby name without knowing it was ours

[Bringbackbuffy]

We haven’t shared any of our baby name choices yet with any friends or family, but we don’t have any lists. We just have a boys name and a girls name.

My parents went on a complete rant the other day about one of our chosen names- they don’t know we’ve chosen it- a friend of theirs has just named their child that.

It was really quite hurtful to listen to, and to know they hate the name so much- but we still don’t want to change it.

I don’t really know what to do, I just wish they hadn’t been so awful

Thinking about it, they might not even remember in a few months that they ranted about that name so enthusiastically. Some people just like ranting.

My 3 year old is called Rupert and though I have generally had a positive response to it, my mum actually pulled a face when she found out his name. Apparently she 'couldn't help it'. She has said since that it has grown on her and I imagine it will be the same with your parents.

So what, though? Their taste isn't yours. Would you let them choose your DH, your clothes, the way your house is decorated? Do you love the names they gave you and your siblings? If not, accept that their taste is not yours. They will adjust to your child.

(I mean, my own mother let a nursing nun who was working on the labour ward name me, for God's sake! (Particularly dreary saint's name.)

As far as I can judge, my mother, who is a timid people-pleaser, thought that she had to because the nun seemed to expect it. The killer is that this nun was remarkably unpleasant to her when she was in labour and kept telling her she wasn't in active labour yet when she was practically crowning.)

It's definitely a generational thing - I don't like those old man names either, or old lady names like Elsie, Esme, Olive, Ivy etc - but to generations who don't associate them with nonagenerian great-aunts and uncles, they're obviously quite attractive!

My dad did this after we had named our son! He screwed his face up with we told him and made a comment. I just said "well we like it, we think it's lovely name" and he never said another word. I don't really care if he likes it or not, it's not his child.

I think you're being a bit silly and sensitive.

People can like or dislike names for any reason, as you yourself obviously do, or you wouldn't have chosen the two names you have. Your parents happen not to like the particular name, that doesn't mean they're not going to love their grandchild!

Why are you hurt? It would be hurtful if you announced the name after the birth and they told you they hated it, but as they don't even know it's a name choice they're simply expressing an opinion, which they're entitled to do.

If you have a child with that name they'll get used to it. My siblings called their child a name that my parents and in fact the rest of the family did not like, it reminded them of someone plus it was just a horrible dull old fashioned name, not classic. But we got used to it, I still don't like it as a name but it's my nephew's name and years later no one thinks about it.

If you like the name use it; if you want your parents to like it then choose another one.

Ignore them. My paternal Grandmother (whose family tree had a fondness for nature and mythological names like Ocean and Neptune plus an entire garden of flower names) refused to call my youngest by her name, sticking with "that child".

We chose the name because we liked it and it had a lot of meaning for dh. It's rare to find a name that everyone likes and at least now, their reaction won't come as an upsetting suprise postnatally.

Dc1 shares a name with one of his paternal great grandfathers, who by all accounts was a rotten human being. Fil wasn't happy at first but accepts that dc1 has made the name his own so feelings can change re names.

They’re entitled to their opinion on a name and didn’t know you had that name in mind so they weren’t being nasty in expressing it. At least you know how they really feel! It’s entirely up to you if you keep the name. If you keep it and they are polite people, they’ll probably take the diplomatic route and pretend to like it - or at least warm to it. However you’ll always know they actually really hate it, so that’s something you’ll need to deal with if it bothers you.

But you have been considering names so presumably there are some you love, some you think are okay and some you think are awful.
They are adults with opinions so are allowed to dislike names too. It’s not like you had announced the name and they said they hated it.
I think you are looking to be offended, it’s probably the hormones making you sensitive op.

I think if your parents are very opinionated you need to develop thicker skin. They will comment on any name, any of your choices, any parenting approaches. It’s just them. Try to find how to refocus your way of thinking.

Also it might be that it was just a bad moment, they were tired/hungry/had a quarrel on the way there about something so everything looked bad : baby had wrong name, wrong facial expression, wrong clothes on etc etc

You’re overthinking it, people are allowed to not like names. I have no idea what you’re so “hurt” about. They will love their grandchild and just associate the name with him. They will probably feel rubbish that they slagged off the name if you end up picking it.

Do you like all names, OP?

There's none at all you don’t think are nice?

If you love the name stay with it.

If they have any grace they won't say anything about hating it.

If it is something like John, was it just that it is a bit 'boring' but nothing actually 'wrong' with the name

I'm admitting there are names I really hate. Wilfred is one, to me it's an old man's name. A man wearing baggy trousers, belt and braces. Why? Because when I was a kid there were men called Wilf who looked just like that. Younger people don't have that association with the name. I suspect that some people, and I'm one, hear a name and think of people they have known with that name. So names like Ethel, Gladys, William, Mildred, Fred are from a certain time for me. I would never gave had the as a choice. Possibly your parents feel the same.
There are people, younger than me, who comment on the names of people who I went to school with and find the name hideous. So Gary, Jeremy, Elaine, Lynne, etc are probably not considered now, because it's your mum or dad's name.
When you are older you will think names used then are possibly awful. It's fashion as much as anything.
As an aside I loved my dad to bits, but no way on earth would I have called any child I had by his name. Or FIL for that matter. Both awful names.

Absolutely this. There's a current thread on 'names that will not come back into fashion', but virtually every name mentioned is either (a) already back in fashion and being used or (b) simply not from long enough ago to have come back into fashion, because there are a lot of adults still alive with those names, so they have too many associations with living people for the generation who are naming their babies.

But once enough time has passed, Sharon, Mark, Tracy, Gary, Keith, Linda, Carol, Gemma, Bernard, Paul, Derek etc will absolutely be back in fashion for people who don't have memories of living people with those names and who will reclaim them as enthusiastically as Maisie, Millie, Edith, Mabel, Arthur, Freddie, Alfie etc, because they will seem charmingly vintage rather than terribly naff.

My MIL made it clear that she doesn’t like my DDs name. Now she makes it clear she doesn’t like the pet name/abbreviation we use and occasionally corrects me when I use it! For example, if her name was Daisy, and I call her Day, she’d correct it to Days, which she prefers.

She came up with all manner of problems with the name - won’t people call her X or Y or tease her about Z. None of this has transpired. At one point she told me the woman who ran the post office in her village in the 80s had this name and she “wasn’t all that friendly.”

We just ignored all this. At one point I said quite firmly that it was decided now so she’d be best to get on board with it. Mostly she has and it rarely comes up.

Use the name you like.

Ralph and Edward are odd example choices! Edward is a popular name. I would say Ralph is much less so, and probably wouldn’t be chosen by anyone of a certain age that read Forever at school!

Choose the name you like, but think if the things your parents say about the name are going to bother you. Are they the sort of thing other people might say as well?

My mum did the same - only after i told her the baby’s name!

She’d been named by both me and DH and it had been announced!

Deep breath and carry on! They’ll come to look like their name and your parents will just have to lump it!

And that’s a choice you’re making. Being preemptively hurt when nobody’s done anything to you is a bit mad.

OP, when I named my DD, my MIL hated the diminutive we used - but she soon got used to it and my DD became that name. I don’t care for my DGD’s name, but I wouldn’t dream of saying so - and now she really is that name and couldn’t be anything else and it suits her, so whatever you call your DC, there will be someone who doesn’t like it, but they really will come round!

This happened to us, with a friend rather than family so it was quite amusing to announce the name and watch the backtracking and apologies.

Don't overthink it. You love the name and that's it. They'll get used to it and it will be a beloved grandchild very soon and their negative associations with the name will vanish. You may have to nip any nicknames you don't like in the bud though.

Is it Ralph or Edward?
Seriously. We can probably assure you that they were VVU.

It'll be fine. They'll just get used to it. It's your child and your choice.

Percy? I’ve heard of a couple of little Percys lately, and quite frankly if dd had chosen that for Gds I’d have died inside - but would probably have pretended to be more or less OK with it.

The first grandchild of someone I know was named Otis, poor little bugger,

She put a very brave face on it!

If they didn’t know you were choosing it then how would they know it was hurtful to you?

people are allowed to have opinions on names. I would never say it to a parents face, but I have definitely said to my DH/friends/family that I dislike a name or it’s stupid.

also you have said haven’t thought about when he is an adult. There is so many names now that are cute but will be ridiculous for an adult.

one tip I was given name the adult not the baby