Parents criticised our chosen baby name without knowing it was ours

[Bringbackbuffy]

We haven’t shared any of our baby name choices yet with any friends or family, but we don’t have any lists. We just have a boys name and a girls name.

My parents went on a complete rant the other day about one of our chosen names- they don’t know we’ve chosen it- a friend of theirs has just named their child that.

It was really quite hurtful to listen to, and to know they hate the name so much- but we still don’t want to change it.

I don’t really know what to do, I just wish they hadn’t been so awful

My parents are very opinionated, and we only have one name for a boy and one for a girl so we have kept the names to ourselves precisely because we didn’t want them coming up with “helpful” suggestions. There also aren’t lists to share.

Why are you hurt?
They haven't set out to hurt you.
They have a personal, differing opinion regarding a name.
Its not a personal attack

My ILs think you call firstborn boys after their father and first born girls after their grandmother or something, and there was also a set of rules for subsequent children, so you only get to actually choose a name freely if you have quite a large family.

My ils are similarly unimaginative.
DH names are PILs name and PILs brothers name.
Sil names are MIL mothers name and Mils name
Bil names are pils brothers name and pils middle name.

I think anyone would be hurt if they named their baby and their parents said the name was awful?

i had a similar situation with my mum! i found it kind of funny tbh.

with both my children it was clear she thought i had chosen badly, but i think that’s quite normal actually. Name popularity changes from generation to generation.

(for context, both my children have “normal” names which have been around since forever).

My DS has a similar vintage revival name and I think older people find it unusual because they associate it with people of their own age or older, not a baby.

This is true; people grow up in their own generation and can frame their thoughts within those limitations. I still find it weird that there are now young women (including a cool pop star!) and indeed new babies called Mabel, as to me, that's instinctively a grandma name... but none of those actual grandmas were born as grandmas; and most of the baby Mabels being born now will likely be grandmas one day. Not that it's a problem at all; names are just names and most of them are usually cyclical.

at least i was prepared for her reaction when my child was born

Come on, that's a girl's name.

But you haven't named your baby. I'm sure if you had told them they would have kept their thoughts to themselves.

My DS's partner was going to call their hypothetical first child Fawn. I didn't say anything 🤐 Thankfully they split up and never had a baby.

Is it Rupert? That name is popular right now but older people still think of the Bear.

This is the issue - your parents sound quite nasty and small minded. I would proceed as planned and if they comment you can [lie] say ‘we had never even considered this name until your 10minute rant on the subject and quite fell in love with it, so thank you so much for highlighting it as we are delighted with our choice’.

I think you just have to prepare yourselves and decide what the best way is, knowing what they are like .

E.g “just to warn you in advance, because you made it spectacularly clear you don’t like it xxxx is the name we will be using if the baby is a boy” “haha we know you hate the name but hope you will love your grandson”

Make it clear you aren’t opening a discussion.

How pregnant are you? Will you be finding out the sex of your baby before the birth? If so, don’t say anything until you know whether your baby is a boy.

And then decide whether to talk about their opinions before or after the birth.

One of the eye-rolley things about pregnancy is the number of unwanted forceful opinions foisted on you. Expect judgemental expounding about your preferred approach to labour, feeding, sleep patterns, weaning, whether raisins are too high in sugar blah blah…

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

You can’t possibly think in that your parents must like the name you’ve chosen, had they known the name they may not have voiced their dislike! But given they don’t know, you’ve no right to be “hurt”. Disappointed they don’t like it maybe, but that’s life!

Well some names are just really awful and that’s a fact. It’s not mean if it’s a truly awful name. However your suggestions don’t seem that unreasonable. I’ve also said to dh at times, why did they choose such a name sounds so awful. So people do judge. I’ve even thought this of an adult. Makes no difference if it’s a baby.

You can’t take it personally though as they have no idea you’ve chosen it!

OP I wouldn't worry at all about this. It's your baby. Don't take in outside opinions. My mum and MIL were very opinionated on our names calling one too popular and another 'an old lady name'. We used them and love them.

Ralph and Edward are not of the same ilk, Ralph is a bit out there imo, not that you need to change your name choice but it might now look like you have named the baby after, their friends kid's name

Hang fire.
Your parents have no idea of your name choice.
They are perfectly entitled to have personal opinions of their own.
They have not set out to hurt you.
You can CHOOSE to feel hurt or offended if you wish... but nobody has purposefully hurt you.

My daughter’s name isn’t out there but there’s not many around my area.
Our families weren’t keen on it tbh, we called her it anyway.
they now can’t imagine her called anything else.

name your baby what you love.

Some old man names are popular but spectacularly awful in the minds of people of my age. I’m thinking Stanley, Wilfred, Percy.

I don’t think that feeling hurt is reasonable because your parents have no idea that this is your chosen baby name. It would be different if you had said meet “ meet baby Sid” and they had told you how much they hated the name. I think it is fairly normal for grandparents to dislike baby name because fashions change.

Your parents have every right to not like a name! And you have every right to choose a name for your unborn little one. They are not saying your little one is awful.

OP you must realise asap that you are going to be ''burdening'' another human being with something they may hate all their lives - it is not all about you and your parents - choose something anyone can actually live with - do your kid this favour at least!!

It can feel hurtful to have a name you like criticised, especially by parents. I felt the same when I told my father my preferred name & he gave me a look as if to say you can't be serious. I stuck with it until my son was born then immediately thought what was I thinking & blamed my hormones. It made me realise to have a few honest opinions gives food for thought. I believe it was my hormones that took over & made me feel it was a name my son would be happy with. When he was old enough I told him the name he was almost given. He said thank god for deed poll 😂

Just because they don't like the name it doesn't mean that they are not going to like DGC. Go on OP, you've chosen Balonz haven't you?

Just ignore and enjoy the awkwardness when you announce the name. That's what I'd do.