Can I register our baby without my husbands agreement?

[Floam6]

My husband and I have a new baby. However we aren’t in a great place and are likely to separate for various reasons. We cannot agree on the baby’s name and I would like to go ahead and register her but wondered if I am able to do this legally and what the repercussions are? Thank you

Either of you can register without the other I believe, if you're married.

As you are married I think legally either (or both) parent can register the birth but it would likely have repercussions if you do it with out him.

Is it the first name or surname you cannot agree on?

DH registered our DD2's baby as it was easier than me having to come after an elcs. No issues at all.

It’s a bit dodgy though isn’t it op? I wouldn’t want the other person deciding the name, especially if we were in a bad place (obviously if any dv involved I’m sorry for commenting and you can do what you want x)

I wouldn’t - couldn’t he potentially re-register the baby’s name?

Don’t play games over your child. Tell him when you’re going to register the birth and try to do this for your child together.

thank you. It’s the first name. I had wanted to agree but I’m at the point where there are so many other marital issues and I feel like I grew her, birthed her and am solely feeding her and he isn’t open to any of my short list so I just feel like going and registering her myself. Although I don’t know if it would play on my conscious and if I have the guts.

As you are married either of you can register the birth.

Is it the first name or surname that you cannot agree on? The first name can be changed within the first 12 months relatively easily, the surname cannot be changed in the same way (it's done differently).

Thank you. Is it a terrible thing of me to do?

Congratulations on your new arrival. ❤️ I think you have 18 years of co-parenting ahead of you, it might be considering if this starts it off on the right foot.

I would also consider last names, if you're 100% set on divorce.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. You’d be setting the tone for how your future coparenting relationship will be - one person going ahead and doing something significant without acknowledging the other.
Far better to have a conversation along the lines of ‘look I know we are not getting on but we do need to agree a name, here’s a list of ten names I like, are you open to any of them, let’s register her together so that when she’s older she knows we are both committed to her best interests’.

Personally, in your situation I’d just do it, because realistically, what is the alternative? Your child needs a name. Legally there will be no repercussions because when married, either parent can legitimately register the birth by themselves.

Yes.

Thank you. I know deep down you are right but I just feel so sad and low (probably also hormones) as I suggested names for months and months, he knows it’s important to me but he wasn’t bothered and left it until days after she was born to agree to talk about it. Then he sent me a ChatGPT list of options (feels like no thought put into it), and is flat out refusing any of my favourites. My baby deserves a name and I want her to have one I love. I keep crying about it but I know I probably just need to go with one of his options as he isn’t budging.

How will this affect your child’s relationship with its father if you choose a name he doesn’t like?

You cannot say that so categorically without a full understanding of OP and OP's partner's relationship.
@Floam6 it may or may not be a terrible thing for you to do but that you're thinking of it is obviously a reflection of how you are feeling. Any chance of booking a couple of couples counselling sessions so that the two of you can hear each other better?
It's a difficult time and you sound very upset and low. Hugs. 🫂
And congratulations on the birth of your lovely baby. 💞

You both like different sets of names. Your solutions so far are a) pick and register without his agreement or b) agree to one of his that presumably you don’t like.

What is his suggestion for finding a way out of the stalemate? How have you navigated conflict n the past?

I’d suggest agreeing the method before the actual name. So, you could agree to keep looking until you find one that you both rate 7+ out of 10 even if not your favourite. You could agree to post your top 5 each on Mumsnet and see if anyone can help come up with one you can both accept. Or you could agree that one of you will choose out of the other persons top 5, plus get free rein on the middle name. Etc etc.

Agree your method first then pin down the bar using that method.

Can you give his favourite as a middle name? And both last names, like:

Charlotte Azaria Smith Brown

thanks @Velvian. I hoped he’d agree to choosing her middle name and having his last name but he won’t sadly. I also suggested we double barrel her first name (even though I’m not a fan of double barrel names), but he won’t agree to that either.

I can’t help feel it must count for something that I grew her, gave birth to her and am feeding her so I should love her name really but I don’t think I have a choice but to go with one of his options.

My husband wasn’t keen on the name I chose for our third baby. I’m a firm believer that she who grew the baby names the baby so it stayed anyway

The name suits him perfectly.

It sounds like your husband is using this naming issue just as another form of control over you. For him it’s not about having a name he likes but more about not having a name you like.

If it’s likely that you’ll separate anyway then yes, go and register the name you want. But it does seem like that’ll be the final nail in the coffin of your marriage (but that’s probably a good thing anyway)

It sounds like you feel completely defeated by him and I can see why you are considering leaving. I would not agree to anything, in particular I wouldn't agree to give the baby his surname. It might be that when you come towards the deadline for registering he sees that compromise is necessary. Or you might need some sort of mediation. But he has to compromise too.

It does count and you have compromised and he hasn't, so you are absolutely fine to go with name you like, name he likes, both last names.

Going with his choice only is not remotely fair.

@LoveSandbanksthank you. That’s exactly how I feel and I have tried to say to him….I feel like he doesn’t have anywhere near as much of an emotional tie to names like I do, and deep down he’s not so bothered about having a name he likes, but more about not having a name I like. I know we have time officially, but she is 10 days old and it’s breaking my heart she still doesn’t have a name.

Either of you can, so I'd bear that in mind OP.