Can I register our baby without my husbands agreement?

[Floam6]

My husband and I have a new baby. However we aren’t in a great place and are likely to separate for various reasons. We cannot agree on the baby’s name and I would like to go ahead and register her but wondered if I am able to do this legally and what the repercussions are? Thank you

Yes

Absolutety do not go with one of his options that you don’t love that’s he’s just pulled from Chat GPT.

Honestly, I agree with you. Especially if you’re giving her his surname. I think that Mums should get the final say over names, like you say, we grow them, birth them, do the majority of their care. I feel like it’s our right as mothers.

Go with you choice and you don’t have to have him there

Is both parents signing the BC a new thing?

My husband registered both of ours.

If you're not married you both need to be there if you are both to be on the certificate.

Yes I know.

A pp asked a poster who said that her husband registered the children-how did she also sign the BC?

If you’re planning to separate then it would be a good idea to give the baby your surname or a least both surnames putting yours last.

He’s not willing to compromise, so why should you? I would go ahead and register her, OP.

I know I will need to compromise.

HE will also need to comprise, it's not his way or the highway! If he's being a twat and refusing to engage about it I'd be wary of him registering her without you. Just because you wouldn't do it to him, doesn't mean he won't do it to you.

Especially as you've said it's not about the name as such to him as it is about making sure you don't get a say.

Haven't read the whole thread but I would absolutely go and name her by yourself and give her the exact name you want her to have, think about choosing your maiden name for her surname especially if you will want to return to that name after a divorce.

You take as long as it takes to agree. It's really important you both agree - I think registering is by about 6 weeks, don't just give in to him. Tell him you're serious about getting this right and get a couple of name books to go through. Horrible for you I appreciate.

The names you both like are pretty similar - it's not like one of you want River Moonbeam and the other wants Mary. I would keep going and be prepared to compromise a bit. I suggest pooling all your suggestions, both ranking them and coming to the one with the highest joint rank.

There's a website I've just remembered called Named Together. You can look at name lists and tick names you like, hide the list and get him to do the same then it will tell you your matches, without vetoing for the sake of it. You might need to watch him though, it has to be done on the same phone and you can unhide lists with a click.

If he is refusing to compromise then maybe you both need to go to marriage guidance counselling/mediation to discuss it rationally. At least then somebody independent will be able to challenge his lousy attitude. He might even let you have your choice so he doesn't look bad in front of the counsellor. He doesn't care about the name, he's just using it as a means of control and to grind you down. You will have to go to mediation to divorce so you might as well start now and be rid of him asap. I'm sorry the early days with your baby are so blighted by your unpleasant husband.

I think you should go and register little Phoebe by yourself and then don't mention it unless he does.

OP, what do you mean by him "not compromising"? Do you simply mean just not agreeing to one of the only four options you're prepared to consider?

Because, on the face of it, I'd say suggesting Clarissa as an alternative to your suggestion of Clara, and suggesting Beatrice instead of Phoebe but using your preferred nickname of Bea are actually him compromising/trying to meet you half way.

Your tastes seem fairly aligned. Just ditch all the names on your current lists, and start again, looking for a name you both can agree on.

I have a Beatrix, aged 3. Most people love her name. We mostly call her Bea, Bebe or on occasion Beastie-trix. I gave her softer middle names to balance it out.

I think that a Phoebe Beatrice is a shoe in for being a Bibi. Though I think that is cute.

This is a good idea.

You need a name you can both call her. None of this thing of you calling her one name and him another - it would cause endless sniping. Agree one name that you both use. Otherwise one day she will have to choose between mummy s preference and daddy s preference, and that is not her job.

Apart from Clara and Clarissa I think all your names and all his names are lovely.

Your idea of using Phoebe for her second name is a good one.
Clare Phoebe
Clarissa Phoebe.

I also like Phoebe but be prepared to have your DD called 'Foib'. Bea/Bee are not deminutives of it, though ok. Clara, Sophie and Lucy are nice.
Not quite sure what your objection to Beatrice is - and the diminutive of this name is Bea (and also Trix, Trixie).
Can't stand Delphine, makes me think of Belle de Jour. All the other names listed are fine.
But I think it's not disagreement about a name, it's your marriage?

Why is he so against Phoebe?
Do you and your dh have the same surname? Apologies if I’ve missed this but if you have the same surname then use that one.
Be very careful here op. You cannot change her surname on the birth certificate once registered. Also you cannot legally change her name without your dh’s permission.
If you think you will separate then make sure it is a name you want. After all, you will be her primary carer.
You can register her without your dh but he can also do the same!
I would try and speak to him calmly. If you have different surnames then I absolutely would say you either choose her surname or first name, don’t let him choose both. Incidentally, it was standard for children to take their mother’s surname and not the fathers. It is only now due to lots of mothers being unmarried that the trend for giving a child their father’s surname has arisen. Trust me when I say many, many women come to regret it, hence the issue of children having their name changed when the mother meets a new partner. This in itself can lead to problems when the child is an adult and does not want to be known by some random man’s name.
In short you register her without him if he won’t compromise.