Can I register our baby without my husbands agreement?

[Floam6]

My husband and I have a new baby. However we aren’t in a great place and are likely to separate for various reasons. We cannot agree on the baby’s name and I would like to go ahead and register her but wondered if I am able to do this legally and what the repercussions are? Thank you

Like hell would I go with one of his options if I didn’t like them.

We were able to agree on names, but if we hadn’t been able to, I would have registered my choice. It sounds to me like he is being awkward for the sake of it. You could send him 5or 6 options and tell him he can choose one of those.

I’m godparent to several DC baptised in the CofE, and I remember that in the service of baptism the mother is asked by the vicar to name the child. Not the father, but the mother.

I've no input except that he's a bit of a dick. Most men see what we go through and would go with any of your completely normal names.

Please, please double barrel the surname.

Have yous considered Beatrix?

Other 'Bea' sound names

Bianca
Ruby
Shelby
any name starting with 'B' could be called Bea too.

Long names with nicknames that end 'bee' sound

Abigail (Abby)
Gabrielle (Gabby)
Elisabeth (Libby)

I think this too op.

I LOVE Beatrice, and I think Bea is a far more natural nn for Beatrice than for Phoebe - which would become Feebs at school.

I think this really is an obvious compromise, and I was pleasantly surprised how similar some of your names were. I thought it was going to be a sort of Kylie or Kayleigh vs Persephone or Artemis pair of lists!

Also think Beatrice/Bea a beautiful name!

Congratulations on your baby. I was pleasantly surprised by his list! I actually preferred some of them to yours, I don’t think you are too far apart as quite a few of your names are quite classic and timeless. One solution would be for you to both pick your favourite from your list then do paper rock scissors to see which gets to be the first name. You could end up with something rather lovely I think.

I do think it is a mistake to get caught up in choosing a name because you like the way it can be made into a nickname, in my experience, the best nicknames or family names come about from the child’s personality, or a little quirk that appears as the child develops.

Focus on a name that will stand the baby in good stead for the next 80 years, as a child, an adult, a parent, a high court judge, a prime minister an Oscar winning actor.

What repercussions do you imagine there would be?

OP, do it before he does it.

I like all of those names except Danielle. I think you are broadly on the same page, not as far apart as you think.

Beatrice is a lovely name, and Bea is lovely too. So if you go with that it would be a good compromise.

You are feeling vulnerable and that's understandable. Maybe give it a week or so, start calling her Bea and see how it feels.

If you don't mind Beatrice and like Bea/bee can this be the compromise Beatrice nm Bea /Bee and your choice of middlename.

If not then back to drawing board for both of you. 5 new names you like.

In this situation, if my husband was a reasonable and otherwise normal, lovely human being and he just didn't like my choices, and I didn't like his, I'd have to agree we'd start over and both sit together and choose something completely new.

If he was playing games and simply not allowing the names I liked as some kind of power/control move, I'd separate from him, as it's clearly indicative of more problems/a wider issue. I'd save myself the bother of the inevitable down the line. Just get it done with now before she knows any different.

I am not the type to go behind somebody's back though, that would start WW3.

Why would you give her his surname? Give her yours, it makes more sense.

Does he absolutely hate all your name suggestions or is it power play?

"So it ends up being one of
Clarissa Phoebe
Clara Beatrice
Beatrice Clara
Phoebe Clarissa.
OP ends up winning either way tbh, as the obvious nick names will be Clara or Bea, both of which are on her shortlist."

Unless the daughter wants to be called Clarissa or Beatrice rather than Bea?

Are you scared of him?

No it’s not, but do it before he does!

When my DD was born none of the names on our list suited her, and we had to go back to the drawing board. We didn’t register her until nearly the end of the time you’re allowed because we just couldn’t decide.

I think your reasons for not liking Beatrice are weird and don’t make sense. Yes, it is spelt beat-rice but that’s not at how it’s pronounced and everybody knows how to pronounce it correctly so I can’t see the issue there honestly, if that’s all it is.

If you like Bee/Bea as a nickname, I think I would go with Beatrice Phoebe. That way you can still use the nickname you love knowing that it's actually short for Phoebe not Beatrice. It also gives your daughter the choice when she's older.
If you're unsure your marriage will last, make sure you double barrel her surname, ideally with your name first. If you compromise on her first name it will give you the chance to ask him to compromise on the surname too.

Oh wow he sounds awful OP. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine my dh ever refusing point blank over our baby names. I’m with you on this one, you carried her, you birthed her, it’s mostly your choice than his. He should be thinking more of you at this special precious time than point blank refusing anything. Curiously though, why do you feel you should budge on names when he won’t? It works both ways. Quite honestly, it this were me, I’d be registering her in my chosen name, with or without him, rightly or wrongly.

Could he be feeling very left out as you’re doing everything? Is it his way of having/doing something? Or is he just being a dick?

Like it or not, he’s as much her parent as you are and it sounds like he does care what name you both give her - that will be his DD’s name for the rest of his life most likely. So, I don’t think it’s fair to assume you care more than him or that you have more right because you’re her mum. It sounds like your other relationship issues are clouding your thinking here maybe (I’m sorry you’re having a hard time - it’s a stressful transition and I hope you can work through it).

Not that I want to fan the flames but why does he get the right to veto YOUR list, but you have to simply roll over and accept his?

It is completely unfair.

Imagine reading a post where someone said "my husband has gone and registered our child with his choice of name when I had expressly said I don't agree with it" - I doubt anyone would say that was a totally fine thing for him to do. If you want to have the best chance of an amicable co-parenting relationship (which will benefit your child immensely in the long run), do not do this!

How about just registering her as Bea with a middle name?

Sure let’s say they care about this equally, 50:50, and so in that situation who gets to decide?

At one stage he cared enough to have a baby with the op. in this one thing can’t he be the bigger person and let the op choose the name?

I know dads love their kids but there is no comparable experience to gestating and birthing your own baby. It’s a bond like no other.

I let my very lovely dh veto my list of names and to this very day I look at my dd and I think she has the wrong name. It has never felt right since we “agreed” on it.

Imagine reading a post where someone says “I told my baby’s dad I wanted to call her Phoebe and he said no. I suggested other names he said no to them too. He is insisting I use a name that he wants and he refuses to consider any of the names I want. He’s given me a list but none of them feel right, none of them suit my baby, I’d never have chosen any of them. He’s making life very uncomfortable and I feel bullied into giving in for a quiet life.”

how is that any better?

I wouldn't do it , I'm sure you wouldn't like it if he did that.

I totally agree. In an ideal world you’d both have a say and reach an agreement but if you can’t I think mum should get the final say. Can you give him a deadline? Does he know he can register the birth on his own too?