Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Can I register our baby without my husbands agreement?

223 replies

Floam6 · 10/12/2025 10:25

My husband and I have a new baby. However we aren’t in a great place and are likely to separate for various reasons. We cannot agree on the baby’s name and I would like to go ahead and register her but wondered if I am able to do this legally and what the repercussions are? Thank you

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
dontmalbeconme · 10/12/2025 12:28

Floam6 · 10/12/2025 12:24

I did wonder if we go with one of his names as first name, with Phoebe as her middle name and I just call her Phoebe/Bee still but I think that would be confusing for her and others and annoy my husband.

I don't think it's fair to say you'll go with one of his names, but actually intend to use your own name day to day instead.

Beentheredonethat98 · 10/12/2025 12:29

If you register the child with a name you know your husband objects to, without his knowledge or consent, it will be one of the building blocks taken into account when looking at issues around parental responsibility in the future. It will not make you look good.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/12/2025 12:29

Bearlionfalcon · 10/12/2025 12:26

I might be in the minority and am preparing to get flamed but I say stick to your guns and say her name is Pheobe Beatrice, which is a fair compromise, and you're happy to even call her Bea as a nickname, but that's it and the matter is closed. I do think the mum's view - having literally grown and birthed the child - counts for more than an unsupportive husband who is on the brink of leaving you when you have a tiny new baby. Call her Pheobe OP. And congrats on your new baby.

I would also do this. You dd would then be Bea. And I like the idea of having a 4.45pm appointment as a back up plan.

ClareVoiance · 10/12/2025 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Amonthinthecountry · 10/12/2025 12:31

Floam6 · 10/12/2025 12:19

Thanks all. I really don’t like Clarissa sadly. It feels much harsher and less pretty than Clara so that is out. I asked him if we could name her Phoebe but call her Bea/Bee as a compromise for Beatrice/Beatrix but he didn’t want to do that either. I do prefer Sophie to Sophia (and I think she looks much more like a Sophie), but I will suggest Sophia to him.

I don’t have an answer on what you should do but I totally agree that your names are much nicer!

Bluefloor · 10/12/2025 12:31

Some of those names you both like are similar, you both need to make a compromise here. There were some names that were a firm no from my partner, and some of his were names I wouldn’t even have considered, we just had to keep going until we settled on something we both liked.

dontmalbeconme · 10/12/2025 12:32

thepariscrimefiles · 10/12/2025 12:27

What a horrible man he is. He is deliberately upsetting you after you have just given birth and is insisting on choosing your baby's first name and surname. That simply isn't fair. If the babyhas his surname, you should be able to choose the first name. Go and register the baby yourself and do just that.

He's not?

He's given more suggestions than OP, she's vetoing everything but her 4 names!

They need a name they both agree on. If it's none of the names on their existing shortlists, they need to bin all of those and keep looking for one they agree on.

Septmum2023 · 10/12/2025 12:33

Floam6 · 10/12/2025 10:46

Thank you. I know deep down you are right but I just feel so sad and low (probably also hormones) as I suggested names for months and months, he knows it’s important to me but he wasn’t bothered and left it until days after she was born to agree to talk about it. Then he sent me a ChatGPT list of options (feels like no thought put into it), and is flat out refusing any of my favourites. My baby deserves a name and I want her to have one I love. I keep crying about it but I know I probably just need to go with one of his options as he isn’t budging.

Hey OP. I just stumbled on this thread and feel I have to comment. First of all I am really sorry, it sounds like you are going through a lot.
Please do not feel like you have to just give in and choose one of his names because he is being difficult!! Please don't do that.
How old is your little one? I think you have 6 weeks, is there time to have an honest and calm talk with him?
Do you have anyone you can talk to who may be able to help the situation? Grandparents etc?

Soontobe60 · 10/12/2025 12:33

Floam6 · 10/12/2025 10:35

thank you. It’s the first name. I had wanted to agree but I’m at the point where there are so many other marital issues and I feel like I grew her, birthed her and am solely feeding her and he isn’t open to any of my short list so I just feel like going and registering her myself. Although I don’t know if it would play on my conscious and if I have the guts.

Honestly, it’s an awful thing to do. It sounds like you’re trying to get one over on him. At least you should be upfront and tell him!

ClareVoiance · 10/12/2025 12:34

@Balloonhearts , Clarissa is a lengthened form of Clara.

Tdcp · 10/12/2025 12:35

I think you do need to compromise a little. Hormones are high after you give birth which won't be helping matters and I'm sure neither is his unflinching attitude towards this. If he really doesn't like your name choices though and you don't like his then you need to make a new list. I'm not sure I would register her without him as this could start a long road of resentment. Dp and I couldn't agree on our eldest name at all, in the end I found one I liked that he was 'okay' with and we went with that, he ended up picking our other dds name. Parenting is all about give and take.

Soontobe60 · 10/12/2025 12:35

Floam6 · 10/12/2025 12:05

Thanks Belle. Happy to, although I have looked a lot and know my favourites but I know I will need to compromise.

my favourites:

Phoebe - (Bee/Bea) I have always loved it and think she looks like one
Clara
Sophie
Lucy

His favourites:

Clarissa
Fleur
Danielle
Beatrice (I don’t hate it and it could be Bea, but I see Beetroot/Beat-rice)
Madeleine
Grace
Robyn
Juliette
Delphine

I would put Clarissa / Clara / Phoebe and Beatrice in a hat and draw one out.
The shortened versions of those names are the same - Clara or Bea

alloutofcareunits · 10/12/2025 12:37

@Floam6 it was obvious around the time I gave birth to my daughter that my now exh had checked out of our marriage. I asked him several times to come and register her birth but he was too busy (shagging his girlfriend) so I registered her myself. I could have chosen any name I wanted and gave my maiden name as her middle name with no issue. We’d been married 10 years, I’d just register your baby yourself and name her whatever you want. Best of luck for both your futures

dontmalbeconme · 10/12/2025 12:40

Soontobe60 · 10/12/2025 12:35

I would put Clarissa / Clara / Phoebe and Beatrice in a hat and draw one out.
The shortened versions of those names are the same - Clara or Bea

Yes, this would work.

So it ends up being one of
Clarissa Phoebe
Clara Beatrice
Beatrice Clara
Phoebe Clarissa.

OP ends up winning either way tbh, as the obvious nick names will be Clara or Bea, both of which are on her shortlist.

MissDoubleU · 10/12/2025 12:41

Floam6 · 10/12/2025 10:38

Thank you. Is it a terrible thing of me to do?

If the child is getting his last name she can have your choice of first name. Register before he does.

morechaimama · 10/12/2025 12:42

Having been in a similar situation but later in our marriage, I'd be going for the name I wanted whilst appearing to be conciliatory...so I'd be calling her Bee or Bea with a full-name of Beatrix or Beatrice just to shut him up. I have a long name but have only ever been known by the short version (even as a child).

You get the short name you want, he thinks he's "won" (which is seemingly all he cares about) and you can get on with enjoying your lovely baby with no need to discuss it further with him.

mygrandchildrenrock · 10/12/2025 12:54

@Floam6 Your list of names are lovely, and not a million miles away from your DHs list.
Your beautiful baby will not remember being nameless for a few weeks, so don’t worry on that score. We couldn’t agree on a name for my last son and I remember crying saying he’d be known as baby boy when he went to school!
My OH is Scottish and really hates biblical names, and my favourite were biblical but not deliberately so. We decided to give him a Scottish name which helped narrow the names down, my OH and DDs came up with their favourite, and although it wasn’t mine, I quite liked it and have grown to love it.
Said baby boy is now 28 and I can’t imagine him being called anything else.
I hope you make a decision you are happy with, and enjoy your baby girl - whatever she is called!

AliceMcK · 10/12/2025 12:55

He sounds like a dick and being difficult because of the marriage. If my DH hadn’t not engaged in choosing names then just googled some random ones after the baby was born just to disagree with mine, then my DCs would have been registered as soon as I left the hospital with or without him and my name choices would be registered.

Dose he even care about the baby, if their are marriage problems and he’s not engaged with the pregnancy and baby is it because he didn’t want a baby.

At this point I wouldn’t care about any repercussions it sounds like things are bad anyway so just go register your baby girl and not even tell him, see how long it is till he brings it up then say I’ve already done it. I’d then look at either marriage counselling or a divorce solicitor. But make sure you point out he never gave a shit about her name and refused point blank to compromise, he was the one allowing your baby to go without a name out of spite not you.

Do it before he dose, because I guarantee he won’t feel as guilty if he dose it first.

@Growlybear83 My DF did this with me, he was also drunk but I much prefer his choice over my mother’s choices. I think he was so excited, he never got to choose my older brothers name and he wasn’t registered on his birth certificate, my older db was essentially given my uncles ( mums brothers) full name out of spite by my grandparents. At the time my mother was a minor 17 not married so my grandparents had full control, my mother did agree with them though. So when it came to me df and his brother ( my favourite uncle) made sure my name was his choice and had a cultural significance my grandparents didn’t want. He did oblige with giving me 3 middle names on my mother’s list. I love this story as it was one of the few times in his life he stood up to my narcissistic mother.

Babynamehelp8 · 10/12/2025 12:55

If it makes you feel any better about her not having a name at 10 days old, my baby didn’t have a name for 2 months. Names are important and it’s crucial you love it so you can instil in her a love of her name. If it were me I’d take a short hiatus from picking a name and try to work together to find one you both love but if it’s not possible I’d go with your preference but calling her Bea/Bee for short. It seems the only compromise.

SouthLondonMum22 · 10/12/2025 12:57

Floam6 · 10/12/2025 12:05

Thanks Belle. Happy to, although I have looked a lot and know my favourites but I know I will need to compromise.

my favourites:

Phoebe - (Bee/Bea) I have always loved it and think she looks like one
Clara
Sophie
Lucy

His favourites:

Clarissa
Fleur
Danielle
Beatrice (I don’t hate it and it could be Bea, but I see Beetroot/Beat-rice)
Madeleine
Grace
Robyn
Juliette
Delphine

I think you BOTH need to accept that those names need to be dismissed because none of those names are names you both like and come up with a fresh list together.

Some suggestions that maybe both of you will like.

Beatrix
Chloe
Daisy
Felicity
Hope
Isabel/Isabella
Matilda
Lucia
Violet
Wren

MelOfTheRoses · 10/12/2025 12:58

NCfor24 · 10/12/2025 11:35

I don't know how old baby is but if not registered within 42 days of birth you will receive a requisition from the register office asking you to attend.
Do call them and give a summary of the situation and let them know you are working to resolve it before registering. In reality you have up to 12 months I think it is so don't feel pressured by them or your husband. Obviously the sooner the better on all counts, though.
Do think carefully about baby's surname. Very difficult to change later as will need dad's permission to deed poll it to yours at a later date. So maybe a double-barrelled is advisable depending on the names/length/if it works or persuade him to go with yours/maiden name.

I think this is good advice and leaves more options open, and gives time for the situation to be resolved.

It may also prevent a situation where he is registering the baby without your knowledge.

Carycach4 · 10/12/2025 12:59

Floam6 · 10/12/2025 10:38

Thank you. Is it a terrible thing of me to do?

You know it is, and that's why you are trying to get people to back you. The baby isnt more yours than his as you seem to be suggesting.

YourWildAmberSloth · 10/12/2025 13:03

Bearlionfalcon · 10/12/2025 12:26

I might be in the minority and am preparing to get flamed but I say stick to your guns and say her name is Pheobe Beatrice, which is a fair compromise, and you're happy to even call her Bea as a nickname, but that's it and the matter is closed. I do think the mum's view - having literally grown and birthed the child - counts for more than an unsupportive husband who is on the brink of leaving you when you have a tiny new baby. Call her Pheobe OP. And congrats on your new baby.

OP said they might separate, not that 'he is on the brink of leaving her with a tiny baby'. There's a difference. I also don't think we get brownie points for the fact that we are the ones that carry the child, it's not as if he has a choice to do it instead. I think your solution @Floam6 of having Phoebe a a middle name and calling her Bea, is a good one. It won't confuse her - its not uncommon for children to be called different names by different people - my son goes by 3 names.

Iliketulips · 10/12/2025 13:05

As said, only one of you can be present when registering. However, I'd think very careful about doing it without his knowledge, as it'll be something that could be thrown at you during the divorce/parental responsibility.

Could she be registered as Clarissa, but generally known as Clara - many do this, ie Samuel becomes came, Catherine becomes Kate? If not, looking at totally different names.

Could both of you come up with other suggestions over night? I had a list of girls names which DH didn't like, but had excluded one as it had became very popular (top girls name that year), but as soon as I mentioned it to DH, he was totally happy with it.

Nearly50omg · 10/12/2025 13:06

Make sure you think about the surname too - if you are going to get divorced give your baby your maiden name and also choose the name YOU like!! You grew her and no doubt are the main/only parent actually parenting her so it’s up to you what you call her imo

Swipe left for the next trending thread