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Original poster

Can I register our baby without my husbands agreement?

223 replies

Floam6 · 10/12/2025 10:25

My husband and I have a new baby. However we aren’t in a great place and are likely to separate for various reasons. We cannot agree on the baby’s name and I would like to go ahead and register her but wondered if I am able to do this legally and what the repercussions are? Thank you

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CollsR · 10/12/2025 15:36

Your husband had months to talk about this. He's being controlling waiting until now. Be careful he doesn't register her birth without you. Congrats on your new baby and call her what you wish. Please don't just give in and pick one of his names. You grew her, birthed her and looks like you will be raising her without him. Even when parents stay together Dad's end up doing less. Wait to give her a name you love. Phoebe is a lovely name. Congrats on your daughter.

CollsR · 10/12/2025 15:39

Floam6 · 10/12/2025 10:38

Thank you. Is it a terrible thing of me to do?

No it's not. I love the name Phoebe Grace YOUR LAST NAME. But you choose xxx

SomeOtherUser · 10/12/2025 15:40

BellaBal · 10/12/2025 14:21

Imagine reading a post where someone says “I told my baby’s dad I wanted to call her Phoebe and he said no. I suggested other names he said no to them too. He is insisting I use a name that he wants and he refuses to consider any of the names I want. He’s given me a list but none of them feel right, none of them suit my baby, I’d never have chosen any of them. He’s making life very uncomfortable and I feel bullied into giving in for a quiet life.”

how is that any better?

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Are you not ad-libbing a bit? It sounds like they simply haven't been able to agree.

TrippingOverMyAssets · 10/12/2025 15:41

Floam6 · 10/12/2025 10:35

thank you. It’s the first name. I had wanted to agree but I’m at the point where there are so many other marital issues and I feel like I grew her, birthed her and am solely feeding her and he isn’t open to any of my short list so I just feel like going and registering her myself. Although I don’t know if it would play on my conscious and if I have the guts.

Did you provide the sperm as well?

CollsR · 10/12/2025 15:42

thepariscrimefiles · 10/12/2025 12:27

What a horrible man he is. He is deliberately upsetting you after you have just given birth and is insisting on choosing your baby's first name and surname. That simply isn't fair. If the babyhas his surname, you should be able to choose the first name. Go and register the baby yourself and do just that.

Exactly this. Plus if you a separating anyway, why care what he thinks. He's had months to talk about this. Forget his controlling games and pick what you want & register her birth yourself. He'll likely find many reasons to berate you. Stand up for yourself and you can show your daughter how to stop a man stealing her light. You deserve to shine bright mumma xx

TonyHallintheTardis · 10/12/2025 15:42

Floam6 · 10/12/2025 12:24

I did wonder if we go with one of his names as first name, with Phoebe as her middle name and I just call her Phoebe/Bee still but I think that would be confusing for her and others and annoy my husband.

I don't know if this helps, OP, but we couldn't agree on a name for our DS. We ended up with something we both sort of liked and whilst I was pregnant, we agreed he would be known as a particular diminutive. When DS was born, I just didn't like the diminutive we agreed on. DS has always, in effect, been called 2 different names by me and my side of the family and DH and his side - (think Alexander and Alex v Xand, but not that). DS seems entirely unaffected and quite likes the 'options' it gives him - he's late teens now.

I think Sophia is lovely, and Beatrice shortened to Bea might be a good solution, though ofc your husband is getting his way more.

Sorry you're in this position at this point in your life. I hope things pick up for you and congratulations on your little daughter. Flowers

SomeOtherUser · 10/12/2025 15:43

For fun, I plugged your lists into AI. Here are some suggestions it provided as a possible compromise between the two lists:

Iris
Margot / Margaux
Cora
Eloise (nn: Ellie, Lou)
Rosalie / Rosalyn (nn: Rosie)
Amelie
Violet
Josephine (nn: Josie, Posy)
Celeste

I think your lists definitely have a certain vibe in common so maybe you can find one you both love, if you try and meet each other where you're at. :)

Bringingthesnacks · 10/12/2025 15:46

Yes you can register her yourself and since you’re married you can add your husband as the father without him being present. Or not add a father to the birth certificate at all. This is a pretty nuclear option though and he will be able to get himself added by going through the courts.
Honestly I’d just go and register her at this point. You could maybe use his choice of name as a middle name.
Think about what surname you want to use. If you’re going to be divorcing will you want to go back to your maiden name?
You could perhaps use both surnames.
Good luck. Try not to let your husband ruin your time with your baby.

Dutchhouse14 · 10/12/2025 15:55

Tbh, in your situation I would be seriously tempted !
Why cannot he not agree to any of your short listed names?
Unless they are completely out there.
Is he using this as a form of control?
I also believe that youve done the hard physical work of pregnancy,labour,delivery,breast feeding and disturbed sleep and most likely you will be doing the lions share of parenting in the future so you should get to chose the name.

Blizzardofleaves · 10/12/2025 16:01

The issue here is bigger than the baby’s name, he is using this as a way to bully and control you. He is exercising control by refusing a compromise.

I would try one last time to agree, and then register her using both surnames (yours first) and look to divorce asap. I think you are saying the baby is the least of your marital issues.

blackpooolrock · 10/12/2025 16:04

put both your top 3 names in a hat and draw one out.

CatHairEveryWhereNow · 10/12/2025 16:05

Beatrice/Beatrix always known as Bea is the obvious compromise here.

I'd have thought this - other option come up with a completey new list and see how he reacts to that - is it one of his or nothing or does he really not like your list?

I would try and find something you both like - but worse case I'd make an appoitment and tell him and say we decide now or I'll register what I think and we then have 12 months to change (think that's right). There is a time limit to get in done in - so I'd point out it can't take forever.

DH and I had a choice for boy/girl from about 20 weeks onwards but that neiter of us was stonewalling the other.

Glamba · 10/12/2025 16:11

It is pretty nuclear to register her without him but I think it's one of those situations where what's best legally is at loggerheads with what is best socially.

Absolutely gutted for you, your names are all so lovely. I don't think Beatrice is a good compromise. She deserves a given name you at least like, and Murphy's Law says if you go for an official name you don't like, she'll be adamant she uses it in full from as soon as she learns to talk. FWIW I prefer Beatrix. There must be other Greek names that have a "be" ending, though off hand I can only think of Thisbe and Hebe off the top of my head.

You might need to take both shortlists off the table and each come up with a new set. Both of you agree to come together and focus on the best outcome for her, not scoring points. But I can see why you want to get her registered before he does it especially when you are so vulnerable so soon after the birth. It might be worth ringing up your local registry office and see if they can advise - they must come across these situations.

Wouldhavebeenproficient · 10/12/2025 16:23

Is it your first baby? If you do it and don't tell him it probably won't even occur to him.

Grammarnut · 10/12/2025 16:23

Yes, you can. The father only needs to be present if you are not married in the UK.
The husband of the mother can also register a child - mother need not be present.

Boeufsurletoit · 10/12/2025 16:30

Beatrice Phoebe and call her Bea?

Nightlight8 · 10/12/2025 16:36

Enterthedawn · 10/12/2025 10:30

DH registered our DD2's baby as it was easier than me having to come after an elcs. No issues at all.

How did you sign to be on the birth certificate?

Nightlight8 · 10/12/2025 16:37

Bringingthesnacks · 10/12/2025 15:46

Yes you can register her yourself and since you’re married you can add your husband as the father without him being present. Or not add a father to the birth certificate at all. This is a pretty nuclear option though and he will be able to get himself added by going through the courts.
Honestly I’d just go and register her at this point. You could maybe use his choice of name as a middle name.
Think about what surname you want to use. If you’re going to be divorcing will you want to go back to your maiden name?
You could perhaps use both surnames.
Good luck. Try not to let your husband ruin your time with your baby.

You can't just add another person as they need to sign the BC themselves.

user1471538283 · 10/12/2025 16:42

If it's any comfort you can legally change a baby's name up to 12 months old and it gets added to the birth certificate. I did this with my DS. Whilst we had agreed in a name I was in the post birth fog and allowed my ex to detail the nickname of the name we'd chosen. I then changed it when my DS was 6 months old.

ChateauMargaux · 10/12/2025 16:56

If you don't think you will remain married to this man, think about giving her your surname or at least both of your surnames.

Bearlionfalcon · 10/12/2025 16:58

TrippingOverMyAssets · 10/12/2025 15:41

Did you provide the sperm as well?

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Because we all know what a challenge that is 🤦‍♀️

CharlieEffie · 10/12/2025 17:03

I was going to say you are Unreasonable but than i read about your husband and i 100% take it back his disinterest in compromising after you just grew and birthed a whole human is mind-blowing not to mention your list of names are lovely and his are all absolutely not (my opinion). I dont have a solution but 100% DO NOT give in and name your child something you dont like. Maybe shelf both your lists and make new ones to see if you can find any middle ground (tell him to stop being an Ass and leave Chat Out of it). And i would suggest double barrelling her surname based on the state of your current relationship, will make things much easier for you legally down the line

hitmewithatottie · 10/12/2025 17:07

Balloonhearts · 10/12/2025 12:19

What about using Clarissa but known as Clara. Its a shortening of Clarissa anyway.

This is just what I was about to say. (I think Clarissa is actually prettier but there really isn’t IMO enough between them to be at loggerheads)

Nearlyamumoftwo · 10/12/2025 17:07

Yes you can but it doesn't mean you should. How old is she? You have until she's 6 weeks old. It's not a very "nice" thing to do, though I can understand how frustrating it is. Speaking kindly, all mums grow; birth and feed their baby and the dads can't do that even if they tried so he'll never be able to win if that's the attitude. I would try and agree..

inickedthisname · 10/12/2025 17:14

BellaBal · 10/12/2025 14:18

Sure let’s say they care about this equally, 50:50, and so in that situation who gets to decide?

At one stage he cared enough to have a baby with the op. in this one thing can’t he be the bigger person and let the op choose the name?

I know dads love their kids but there is no comparable experience to gestating and birthing your own baby. It’s a bond like no other.

I let my very lovely dh veto my list of names and to this very day I look at my dd and I think she has the wrong name. It has never felt right since we “agreed” on it.

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Right, well I have a DD too so not sure why you think I need telling that the mother-daughter relationship is special. I think it’s important both parents be happy ideally, and I’m sorry that’s not the case for you.

That doesn’t mean I have to agree that OP should discount his feelings. My DH vetoed a few names because they were the names of people who abused him. Maybe I should have put my foot down because I grew the baby so what I want matters more.