Can I register our baby without my husbands agreement?

[Floam6]

My husband and I have a new baby. However we aren’t in a great place and are likely to separate for various reasons. We cannot agree on the baby’s name and I would like to go ahead and register her but wondered if I am able to do this legally and what the repercussions are? Thank you

Why does he not have any option but to go with one of your options?

I'm very serious - why?

Why are you framing it as the other way around?

If he is not open to any form of compromise or discussion whatsoever then I think it's the case that he forfeits the right to input, not 'if he is not open to any form of compromise or discussion whatsoever, then he gets his absolute way'.

Ideally couples discuss and compromise on this sort of thing because they are a family and care for each other, but I do ultimately come down on the side of the person who has put in all the labour (that's you) gets the final say.

I would also think very seriously about giving her your last name if you're due to split. Women generally get left with the lion's share (or all) of childcare so it may be practically helpful, as well as reassuring for your daughter to share your name and matrilinial naming makes a lot more sense anyway!

I would be quite concerned in your position that your husband will sneak off to register her before you can (I have known men who have done this) so consider that too.

When he carries her for 9 months and births her then he can decide 😙 if he isn’t offering any real solutions or compromise it sounds like he’s just trying to make things difficult tbh - go with your name.

Not a good idea if he hates the name. It will be a lasting reminder of a very low point in your relationship.
I’m sorry you’re going through this though especially as a new mum. I hope you’re asking for lots of support - emotional and practical.

Absolutely, I’d get down there before he does!

Clearly there is a lot more going on here than just naming your baby. In the circumstances, I would be more concerned about the last name than the first. I do the lion's share of the parenting, and my DC has my ex's last name. A sore point.

It’s a horrible start in life to have parents who are already at war with each other.

If you register the name behind his back it will only serve to make things worse.

You do need to both grow up and act like adults for the best interests of your child and agree on a name.

I'd be slightly careful going down this argument.

If the baby is crying in middle of night and he turns around and say "you grew her, you birthed her, you can sort her out" how you going to feel about that.

As much as you may not be happy with your husband, the baby is just much his as it is yours. You cant really pick & choose the moments when the baby is "yours"

I think you'd be opening yourself up to difficulties. He could say you alienated him from the beginning- it would be very, very easy for him to frame this as you being the baddie, though I understand he's being an arse here.
I think that you haven't found the right name to compromise on. Do you absolutely hate every name he's mentioned? There is probably a name that you both like but neither of you love that will be right, and in a few months, you'll love it because it will be your DD.

If you think you're going to split, I'd consider registering her with your surname.

And as you are married - do you think he might register her in the names he wants, before you can? How would you feel about that? How would that affect your already-shaky marriage? If so think it could be the final nail in the coffin, I'd consider forestalling it and registering her in your preferred name and your surname.

Sorry, but it's not sounding good - and his refusal to engage or discuss/compromise smack of controlling behaviour.

I don't know how old baby is but if not registered within 42 days of birth you will receive a requisition from the register office asking you to attend.
Do call them and give a summary of the situation and let them know you are working to resolve it before registering. In reality you have up to 12 months I think it is so don't feel pressured by them or your husband. Obviously the sooner the better on all counts, though.
Do think carefully about baby's surname. Very difficult to change later as will need dad's permission to deed poll it to yours at a later date. So maybe a double-barrelled is advisable depending on the names/length/if it works or persuade him to go with yours/maiden name.

You do have a choice. Don't be bullied into having one of his choices. You can say no too.

Think about it...the baby will have his surname. I'd choose the first name and consider one of his choices as a middle name. From what you've said of him, I'd get down to the register office pronto and get it done.

Id get her registered before he does tbh.

Legally you can, and a wife can add their husband or vis versa withoutthem being there. My now ex husband was at work when I registered DD, no questions were asked.

However, I don't think you should do it without telling him. I also don't think you shouldlet him controlthe discourse. I would say something like "I have an appointment to register DD tomorrow and as you won't engage in discussing it, I will be giving her one of these names (list). If you tell me which of these you prefer by 9am, I'm happy to go with that, otherwise I will be choosing"

Yes, it's a shitty thing to do. You are going to co-parent for the rest of your lives, regardless of whether you're together or not. Do you really want to start out by doing something which is going to cause a lot of hurt, upset and resentment?

If you know you will separate then give the baby the name of your choice.

Have you got the paper from the hospital? (is that how they still do it?) Keep hold of it!!

But what choice does she have? Other than to give her baby a name she doesn't like?

Her H is not considering the years of co-parenting, he is refusing to compromise.

This. If he is insisting on his last name without double barrelling it then I would insist on a first name you like and a middle name that’s his choice. It doesn’t seem fair to me that you have to cave on both first name AND surname to keep the peace. She is your baby too and you are absolutely correct that, to date, you have made all the sacrifices for her.

Either of you can register the baby which means he could already have done so without your knowledge. However, if it becomes an area of dispute and he chooses to do so, he could go to court about getting it changed.

He chooses the first name (that you like a bit) and she has your surname?
Or put names in a jar and get the registrar to choose?
She will grow into her name and you’ll find nicknames you love but don’t let this pave the way of your co-parenting, it’s a life long commitment together and your baby will want you to be civil.

I would tell him you want to separate and then I would register the child with the name you like and your own surname.

He has already decided that as the baby is “his” she gets his last name and isn’t compromising on that.

You can. Be aware though that he can change it up until the deadline, for free.

I know someone who was in exactly the same situation except already separated (but not divorced). She booked the 4.45pm appointment on the very last day, so that no matter what her husband did, she could change it.

Just saying...

Yes. Really, really awful.

Thanks all. Sorry, just to be clear, I had suggested double-barrelling her first name so I could have my favourite in there, and then letting him choose middle name and his surname. He didn’t want to go for that option as he says he just doesn’t like my favourite and doesn’t want it included. He wont consider any of my top 3.

Also, I won’t register her without telling him. I don’t think I would dare and I know deep down it isn’t right. I’m just so upset about it that I guess I was thinking about it for 2 minutes and needing to rant and get advice from you lovely people.