Can I register our baby without my husbands agreement?

[Floam6]

My husband and I have a new baby. However we aren’t in a great place and are likely to separate for various reasons. We cannot agree on the baby’s name and I would like to go ahead and register her but wondered if I am able to do this legally and what the repercussions are? Thank you

If he is that disengaged about names, how likely is it that he will be an engaged father when you split? If he is going to be nowhere on the scene, and you will effectively be the only parent, I'd go with what you want, Or if its possible to change the forename in the first 12 months, you could if he is going to be around, go with one of his choices and if he doesn't shape up as a parent you can change it in the first year. Maybe have one of his choices as second name or one of yours and vice versa. Then you can choose what name you actually call DD day to day. This is not advice based on anything legal, just from the heart as I feel for you. 💕

I love Beatrice Clara.

Really pretty, elegant and adaptable.

How is this even vaguely relevant? the opinion here that matters is the OP’s.

I am having friends to dinner on Saturday one of them dislikes chocolate. I’m not going to force feed my friend chocolate pudding just because “everyone else thinks chocolate pudding is great, you should just get over not liking it.”

It could be the most beautiful name in the world but if OP doesn’t really like it for HER baby, who is her dh to insist?

I definitely think op should give her dh a deadline to decide between her preferred names, then let him pick middle name, and double-barrel the surname. Job done.

Bea is the obvious choice here. Say to your husband that as you both can’t decide between Beatrice and Phoebe you are going to register her as Beatrice Phoebe Surnane and she will go by the moniker Bea. Sorted.

He is insisting on the baby having his surname so that isn't even up for debate apparently. He is also vetoing all her favourite first names.

Surely if he is insisting that the baby has his last name, OP should be able to choose the first name to make it fair. She would be happy to give the baby her last name and let him choose the first name but he wants his own way in both and will bully her until she agrees. She is obviously scared of him.

Close but I’d say to dh, I’m registering her as Phoebe Beatrice Jones-Smith. You can call her Bea and I’ll call her Phoebe. That’s fine.

Well, none of those names are anything to get upset about. I think you should just choose one from your list, and one from his.
I’m biased because Phoebe is one of my favourite names. It’s a lovely classic name, with links to Greek mythology and astronomy. It’s also the name of my beautiful Burmese cat!
I like Clara and Lucy as well.
Not so keen on his choices. Clarissa immediately makes me think of the 90s teen sitcom, Clarissa Explains It All😂
Phoebe Grace sounds pretty. I actually like Phoebe Danielle, too. Haven’t come across any baby Danielles, in recent times.

At least that would open the conversation again and hopefully show the OP plans to register the birth soon so they need to find a compromise.

My DP was strongly against anything I came up with until one day I met a new colleague from out of town who had a name we hadn’t considered. Went home, DP liked it and that was the name we went with.

As in bad feelings between them if it’s a name he doesn’t want

That's not a compromise. That's him getting what he wants, despite putting so little effort in he used Chat GPT. And she gets his last name too. What does OP get?

If personally ask his favourite from his list and go with your first choice on your list, his choice as first middle and his surname as second middle and your own surname

That's right. My grandparents couldn't agree on my mother's name and my granddad went and registered his choice while granny was still in hospital.

I agree! Bea can be short for Pheobe, why does the OP's treasured name pheobe get relegated to a middle name just because he's being utterly pig-headed?

@BellaBal had it right - register her as Pheobe Beatrice jones-smith.

He can call her Bea and you can call her Pheobe.

I would bet money he doesn't actually care that much about the name.

He sounds a nightmare and Phoebe/Bea sounds a good compromise. Will he try to register her without you though? Good luck with everything YANBU.

Ps I would definitely double barrel your surnames btw

Make sure this doesn’t happen!

They're married, so presumably (most likely) the baby is having the same surname as BOTH of them. If OP kept her maiden name, I agree they should double barrel the surname, otherwise, its pretty obvious that the baby should have the same name as the rest of her family.

It's not OK for OP to veto everything except her favourite four names.

If they can't agree on anything on their two lists (sad, since there's a lot of common ground), then they need to bin everything on both the lists, and keep looking for a name they both agree on.

How is it relevant? It’s relevant because the OP said one of her preferred names is Bea, and that one of her husband’s preferred names is Beatrice. I’d say that’s directly relevant to their mutual decision on naming their baby. I simply added to the previous poster’s comment that I also think those names are nice.

Maybe RTFT before being so rude.

She gets to call her child Bea, which is what she wants? God some people on MN could start an argument in an empty room.

@Floam6 do you know that as a married couple he can also register the baby without you. You need to make the registration appointment ASAP and keep the red book somewhere he can't access it. You also really need to consider what surname you want the baby to have. If you divorce will you keep your married name or revert to your maiden name? It might be better to double barrel the surname.

I think first name wise it's best to find a compromise. I think Beatrice is nice.

Can't you choose the first name and he choose the middle name, then you each have a name you like.

Bea is just a shortening of Beatrice, the child can use whichever they like, hardly a compromise they both get what they want really.

Yeah but the child gets an actual name, not a nick name but her legal name she'll have forever, which OP doesn't like.

Beatrice and Phoebe are not the same. I would hate to be called Beatrice, whatever the nickname options.

Yes, I'd check with someone legally qualified, as if you are giving a name he's not in agreement with, maybe there will be issues, especially if you're trying to work out custody/finances etc later, and he says you weren't willing to compromise and picked a name he didn't want. A qualified lawyer could tell you whether something like this would even be taken into account as evidence of you disregarding him as a parent-the only case I read about like this was in another country, and the husband (registering alone as is legal for a married couple) put a spelling of the middle name his wife didn't like, and chaos ensued.

OP I think you have to come up with another list and agree - he can't force his set of names on you either.

I had to do it with my H when he refused any of my names - and we actually ended up with a Phoebe (I'm team Phoebe, clearly!)

I'm not quite clear why everyone's telling you to agree to one of his names when you don't like them. You have to reach agreement on a name that both of you agree. And yes if he's being this arsey, it's entirely predictable that he goes and registers your baby without your consent.