Can I register our baby without my husbands agreement?

[Floam6]

My husband and I have a new baby. However we aren’t in a great place and are likely to separate for various reasons. We cannot agree on the baby’s name and I would like to go ahead and register her but wondered if I am able to do this legally and what the repercussions are? Thank you

You will need to co-parent with your husband for a very long time. By registering your baby with a name of your choosing, without his knowledge, will set the tone for co-parenting going forward. I'm not suggesting you give in and pick a name he likes - if there's nothing on your list he likes, and nothing on his that you like, then you both start again - you both need to agree. You're both parents to your child, one doesn't get to trump the other! My husband and I went in circles with boys names, we disliked each others choices but eventually we settled on one we both liked.

Floam I don't have any advice better than previous wise OPs BUT if you have time (unlikely with a newborn), I think you would love The Names by Flora Knapp.

A book about a woman in a similar situation to you and the alternate life paths of the child dependent on what name she registered him.

Maybe you can listen on audible!

Sorry for derail :)

And good luck whatever you decide.

@YourWildAmberSloth er, yes women bloody should get brownie points for carrying children. It is no more a woman’s fault that men can’t children that it is a man’s yet a woman still has to do it and suffer the physiological risks and impacts of doing so (risks which include death btw) otherwise the human race would end. So yes, the very least a woman who has given birth should get is “brownie points”.

Beatrice/Beatrix always known as Bea is the obvious compromise here.

No. You do have a choice. There’s no reason that you have to be the one to give in, any more than that he should. You need to find a way to settle on a name you both like - there have been several good suggestions of ways to do it.

He surely can’t think that he alone should have the final choice, can he? If so does he have any family who could talk sense into him?

I’m sorry but no, I don’t think those do count for something. Was it physically possible for your husband to grow her, birth her and breastfeed her? Of course it isn’t so using that as a reason for him not to have a say just isn’t fair because he simply cannot do anything about it.

However, she needs a name and you shouldn’t have to give all your preferences up for him, when he isn’t willing to do the same. The only way in my eyes is to have a proper conversation, offer your compromises and if he still won’t budge and make any himself then register her. But you want to get skates on, because he could do the same!

My daughter is a Phoebe and absolutely hates Bee. She will tolerate Pheebz but on the whole will insist on Phoebe. And she’s done this almost from the moment she could talk - constantly correcting people. She also gets annoyed that people can’t spell it either. So just bare in mind that whilst you might want to shorten the name, she may not.

As others have said, the surname is very important if you might be splitting up - you should at the very least double barrell it, so that if you end up as a single parent you can share part of your surname with your child, and potentially drop his part of the surname for commom usage if he's not involved.

I registered my baby without the dad there (short term fling). It was a complicated situation because I was still married although separated for over a year and so they still wanted to name my XH on the birth certificate - it was a nightmare.

Anyway, they eventually caved and I registered her by myself and then when her Dad had kicked off and made a fuss I had to explain to a judge why I didn’t name him in the first place, and then he was added. She was then de-registered and re-registered which cost a fortune and was hugely embarrassing. I had no good reason to have not included him in the process.

My advice is don’t do anything that will cause legal problems down the line. The baby isn’t just yours, it’s his as well.

Well I like the DH's names on that list.

I wouldn't get too stressed about not having a name at this age, it's not as if they can remember. DD didn't have a name at that age either as we were indecisive. Then we called her "Baby" for months anyway.

I do think, as the mother, who went through pregnancy and birth then the final name choice should be yours.

Is he being deliberately obstructive not liking your choices and leaving it so late to discuss names? If it's a deliberate ploy by him to upset you then I'd say just tell him you're not going to agree, he's left it too late to come to an agreement and you'll be registering her yourself. First name your choice, middle name his.

If you feel there is a name you could both like but you just haven't found it yet both choose 3 more brand new names and see if that comes up with something.

Perhaps consider adding your maiden name in before your married surname. If you do split up and decide to revert to your maiden name then it's already there for your daughter.

Will just add some ideas that I think are similar in case something stands out

River
Maybe with bea as a middle name
River bea is lovely I think

Delilah

Louisa

He seems to like French names from fleur and Beatrice
Do you like
Eloise
Celine
Sylvie

For me, the fact that he waited until the baby was born shows he doesn’t care. Now it seems he is choosing names just so you don’t get one you like. He won’t compromise but expects you to???

I think it needs to either be one of your names (since you have actually been thinking about it) or a completely different name.

I know you said you are thinking you might divorce. So depending on how he has been with you with massively change my opinion.

Part of me thinks just do it. You will be the one raising this baby by yourself and he’ll be a weekend dad at best.

@YourWildAmberSloth But the baby is getting his surname remember. He is demanding he gets choice of last name and first name. And he is refusing to compromise on the first name, even though it matters so so much to his wife, and even though he showed no interest in names the whole pregnancy then got his lift off ChatGpt. From this, it sounds to me like he is using it as a means to control things and get his way because he's an unpleasant and unsupportive husband, not because the baby's name is something he feels deeply and cares about. That's why I think OP should register the name she loves, but include his choice as a second name and use the compromise of 'Bea' which is an appropriate nickname for both names. I really don't think this would look bad on her in divorce proceedings, it would look like she was reasonable and compromised.

You could register her with your choice. No law says he has to use it.
Seems like crunch time for your marriage imo.

Think how your daughter would fell if she knew she was named in such an acrimonious way. It’s unfair on her. She isn’t anyone’s property and you don’t have any more right to name her than he does. You need to find a way to agree. Your name styles are very similar. The Phoebe but Bea as a nickname sounds like it might be possible.

First of all congratulations on your new baby!

Second of all I'm sorry to hear that she's only barely arrived in this world and her parents are about to break up. That's really too bad.

Thirdly, you say that you have been thinking of names for months, you suggested them, you've had a list, that he refuses any of your suggestions, refuses any of your compromises, and it's less that he wants to pick a name that he likes for your child's life and more that he just wants to block your favorite choices. This is probably one of the many many reasons why you guys are facing divorce.

Is it fair to say that you grew the baby, you gave birth to the baby, your nursing the baby and caring for the baby so you should get to choose the baby's name? Well, who cares? What in life is fair?

The naming issue sounds like it's probably just one on a very very long list of grievances as to why your marriage should not continue. If you were able to choose hair or eye color, I'm sure that he would be blocking your choices on that as well. It sounds like he's just being argumentative for the sake of it, and the sooner you begin divorce proceedings which I am very very sorry especially because it has to happen at this time when you have a newborn, probably the better.

If you're probably going to be the main parent, hell, you get to pick the name. It's not that he's got his heart set on a particular name that means so much to him, you said he's lazily used chat GTP for a list, and his main motivation seems to be in preventing you from picking your favorites. F that noise. He's an a*.

Of course, if OP does decide to divorce, she may choose to revert back to her maiden name in which case, her daughter also can possibly have the maiden name...
Boy wouldn't that be a kick for hubby?

You could go with Beatrice, call her Bee.
Also use your surname..

If you are married only one of you needs to be there to register the birth, however this could be him or you.

DH registered all three of our DC without me there, I have to admit I was a little stressed that he would forget the spelling or add something in, but he didn't.

Personally, if your relationship has any chance of working, I think the name is something you both need to like. I would never have forgiven DH if he had named our DC something we hadn't agreed to. This meant that some names I like weren't considered and some he liked were taken off the table.

Yes, but be aware if you are married he can do the same.

If you were not married only you can register the baby, however in a marriage either partner can (even if they are not the biological parent).

My father registered me and randomly give me the feminine form of his name (he is a massive 'main character' egotist so not a surprise, so basically his name with an 'a' on the end, think Carl Andrew and Carla Andi etc...).

I went by a different 'nick name' (basically just a different name) all through childhood until I could legally change it. Due to the divorce he had to 'agree' to let me legally change it and wouldn't so I had to wait until I no longer needed parental permission.

Really the system is stupid.

Registering a birth is time sensitive so you might not have choice but to just do it, and there's always the possibility he will do it (although as you think he's not particularly invested and he just sounds obstructive maybe not). Its all very well saying things you will need to co-parent but so will he and you don't have to endlessly bend to his will.

Try not to start her life with your marital disagreement. There are many beautiful names which are similar to both of your lists and you will find one jointly to agree on. Youtube is a good place for ideas.

edited as see you have posted the lists. Will look now and revert!

If you both like the nickname Bea, can you just call her that? I’ve never understood people naming this child one thing and calling them another. People say it gives them options, but it doesn’t really as they could hate both names. It’s just confusing for everyone.