AIBU to ‘steal’ a baby name

[peppapeeej]

My sister has always liked a particular name for her ‘future child’. I love the name as a middle name for my daughter due next month. I mentioned it to parents and they immediately said sister would be so so hurt etc etc. It’s the only middle name I like with the first name we’re using and I have racked my brain for months over this.

If it’s relevant I do not care if she uses it in the future but imo her ‘future child’ is a hypothetical thing especially as she has expressed she’s not even sure she wants children in the first place. Feel so silly posting this but would like to know if I’m being unreasonable here.

Also no I won’t be saying the name as it’s outing

I wouldn’t. I don’t think there’s an issue with, for instance, cousins or friends sharing a name - lots of people like similar names.

But suddenly deciding that the name your sister has ‘always loved’ Is the ‘only one you like’ sounds a bit selfish.

Yes. No one needs a middle name, so I think it would be an unnecessary cruelty to use it.

I know no one owns a name etc but it’s so not worth the family upset for a middle name that will almost never get said. Find another name, literally anything goes as a middle name as long the initials don’t spell something rude and if you really can’t then don’t have one at all, they’re not a requirement.

It's really not worth upsetting your sister over a middle name.. It will be did at her wedding and that's about it. Choose something else. Tell us your first name and we can help. Or find a name you like the meaning of.

Unless you REALLY dislike her and want to stick the boot in, don't.

I think the whole nobody owns a name thing is very very true, but if you know it'll upset someone (and your parents have said it will too) then is it worth it for a middle name? Not everyone even has a middle name, so potentially upsetting your sister over an unnecessary middle name doesn't seem like the best choice imo.

Is it worth falling out with her over a middle name? If you love it that much why is it not the first name? Seems odd and a bit spiteful.

I wouldn't.

Talk to your sister?
Explain that you know she loves it, but you really like the sound of it with your chosen first name, would she mind hypothetical future child sharing a name with her cousin?
If she says she’d hate it then don’t do it, but she might not mind, or might think it’s a lovely idea.

People don’t need middle names though. I don’t have one and it’s never been an issue for me.

Nobody owns a name. It’s not like you’re saying you want it to be DD’s first name so why should it matter if you use it as a middle name (which often don’t get used day-to-day anyway)

You say "it's o my a middle name" like a middle name has little importance so why don't you just chose something else?

"Nobody owns a name" bla bla bla, but it's a bit of a shitty thing to do IMO.

I wouldn't do it. Find another one.

Yabu especially as a middle name isn't necessary and you know it's important to your sister

I get that it’s one of the name she likes but my main premise is she’s told me countless times she doesn’t even really want kids?

Still twatty.

I haven't got a middle name and I had to invent one at work for my work email address because someone else had the same incredibly dull first name and (married) surname as me!

1. I would ask her. "We love Emily for a middle name but I know it's always been your favourite name. How would you feel if we used it? If you'd rather we didn't then we won't". And then don't if she says she doesn't want you to.
2. Tell us the name and we can suggest alternatives. Eg if it really was Emily then Emmeline or Elodie are similar but different enough.

Sorry - cross posted with the poster suggesting the same thing!

I mean, I am the first to say no one owns a name.

But I would be really, really upset if my sister used the name I had said I planned to use, not as a first name but as a middle name. Like, a spare part. There are so many names, why go out of your way to hurt someone like that?

Plenty of people say they don't want children. Sometimes what they actually mean is I would really love children but it hasn't happened yet, and I want others to stop asking me.

Your child doesn't need a middle name, and if you're insistent they must have one then choose one of the many millions of other options.

No I think that would be very unkind. Do you not like your sister? A middle name is hardly ever used so you'd be basically taking her favourite name and wasting it.

I would be very upset with you and I agree with your parents.

Don’t do it. Choose another.

So did I. Had a baby in my late 30s and yes, used the name I always said I would.

If my sibling had nicked it I would have been pissed off.

You said in your original post that it was the name she liked for her future child. In your next post you say it is one of the names she likes so you are trying to lessen the impact to justify you using it.
What a twatty thing to do to your sister, whether she ever has children or not.
But I bet you are going to do it anyway aren't you? Anyone with a conscience would not even consider it, let alone ask random strangers whether it was acceptable.

It would be a really bitchy thing to do, and you know it.