AIBU to ‘steal’ a baby name

[peppapeeej]

My sister has always liked a particular name for her ‘future child’. I love the name as a middle name for my daughter due next month. I mentioned it to parents and they immediately said sister would be so so hurt etc etc. It’s the only middle name I like with the first name we’re using and I have racked my brain for months over this.

If it’s relevant I do not care if she uses it in the future but imo her ‘future child’ is a hypothetical thing especially as she has expressed she’s not even sure she wants children in the first place. Feel so silly posting this but would like to know if I’m being unreasonable here.

Also no I won’t be saying the name as it’s outing

Drip, Drip, Drip.

You asked, the majority say YABU, yet you're still trying to defend your shitty decision.

no because we’re not even talking at the minute anyway

It's a bonkers situation but it's not worth the fallout for a middle name.

However much you like the name, do you like it enough to hurt your sister?

So let me get this straight. Your sister doesn't really want kids, but if sometime in the future she changes her mind, she has earmarked a name for a yet to be conceived daughter, which you want to call your actual real daughter.
What if she has a son?
What if she changes her mind and decides on a totally different name?
If you like the name, use it and sod what anyone else thinks!!

You sound uncaring

this is how i feel. her end is entirely hypothetical

That's just cruel.
Unless it's a name that has significant meaning to you, a relatives name that you want to honour for example, why can't you just pick a different name? Knowing it'll hurt your sister and doing it anyway is just horrible and mean.

YABU and you know it. It's a middle name - pick another one.

One of my kids has the same name as a cousin has for their middle one, not remotely an issue.

Why on earth would she be "so so hurt"?

It's a bloody name. Loads of people share the same one, sometimes even within families and I really can't see what is so dreadful about using a name someone else likes as a middle name. I'm clearly in a minority but I cannot see what is cruel or hurtful about this.

Avoid the hassle and dont use it as middle name unless she agrees with it especially if you are not on talking term. What is the name? We could try to figure alternative if it helpz

I wouldn't op it just seems a pointless way to upset someone

Of course you can use it! She doesn't own the name. And it's for a middle name anyway, surely no one apart from the parents are interested in or remember the middle name?

Pick a different name. If I knew someone who used a name that their sibling had always wanted to use, I would assume they did it intentionally to piss off the sibling. People would probably judge you, including your parents. It makes you seem bitter and mean, and your sister might end up distancing herself from you.

Is this middle name really worth the potential agro? If you're still set on it, be prepared for some fallout. It might put a dampener on what should be a special time in your life.

my cousin gave her daughter the same middle name as my first daughter and i couldn’t care less - this is how i feel. i don’t get the uproar but i seem to be in the minority

I didn't understand why people did this, until I found out I was having a boy and names are so HARD. Then my DB told me the name he's saving for if he has a boy... And I loved it. Ultimately it wouldn't have been worth the aggro or potential hurt, so I didn't use it.

I really don't think it's worth it for a middle name. In fact that's even more offensive

Do you really think a woman who never wants children would have a longstanding list of very specific names she wants to use for children in case she randomly gives birth at some point?

She hates the idea of children so much, yet all the family know exactly what she would call her unwanted offspring.

Nobody owns a name, but sometimes using specific ones is still a twatty thing to do.

I don’t think I actually know the middle names of my nieces and nephews so not sure this is such a big issue?

Thousands of names you could pick especially for a middle. Choose one is those.

i sound entirely salty here but she put a dampener on my first already so if it happens again it happens again - day she was born she visited in hospital and sat on the bed sobbing about her ’dickhead boss’ to me while i was hours past major surgery with a newborn that she was only interested in enough to take pics of her with filters on.

again, i know that sounds salty but point is i’m half expecting her to put a dampener on next baby anyway because she doesn’t seem to know boundaries but 🤷🏻‍♀️

This makes it sound like you've fallen out and want to hurt her tbh.

There are loads of short and sweet filler middle names. Rose, May, Grace, Louise, Faye, Jane.

I’d either speak to my sister now and see if she’d be happy for me to use it or I would find another name. It sounds a bit like you’d quite enjoy pissing her off if you’re not currently talking and you don’t seem that bothered either by your parent’s view that she’d be incredibly hurt.

I think this would be mean.

I disagree. I think that OP sounds entirely reasonable! We are talking about a hypothetical situation in which her sister might use a name should she at some point have a daughter. And if she did have a daughter, and assuming her partner also liked the name, she could still bloody use it. Not a big deal at all!