AIBU to ‘steal’ a baby name

[peppapeeej]

My sister has always liked a particular name for her ‘future child’. I love the name as a middle name for my daughter due next month. I mentioned it to parents and they immediately said sister would be so so hurt etc etc. It’s the only middle name I like with the first name we’re using and I have racked my brain for months over this.

If it’s relevant I do not care if she uses it in the future but imo her ‘future child’ is a hypothetical thing especially as she has expressed she’s not even sure she wants children in the first place. Feel so silly posting this but would like to know if I’m being unreasonable here.

Also no I won’t be saying the name as it’s outing

Don’t use it. Honour your mother or grandmother or the baby’s dad’s mother or grandmother with the middle name choice. To me there is really no point to having a middle name unless it’s a family name in this way. No one ever uses their middle name in conversation so it doesn’t have to sound nice but it’s a special way of honouring someone.

It seems unnecessary to use a name you know she likes and has on her short hypothetical list. It will cause ill-feeling not only with your sister, who you’ve fallen out with anyway, but with your mum, by the sound of it. It will also make it look like you did it on purpose to get at your sister. That would taint the name for me anyway - “Peppa’s called her Emily Rose. Can you believe she did that - Rose? She knew it was on my list. I mean Rose when their are thousands of other names, Mum/Granny/Auntie June” etc.

If you want a short name starting with a consonant, there are so many to choose from.

I understand this but this is also just down to preference - honouring a family name is nice and i did use a family name for one of dd’s middle names but I actually really enjoy giving my children names that I just like and that includes a middle name. they may be pointless to some people but i personally don’t see it that way

Is it Rose?

Don't do it. It's not kind. Just because you have got there first, it's selfish to step on her dreams, even if they were part of her youthful fantasies. She shared her thoughts with her family in an open way all those years ago, so to snatch it now, seems pretty horrid.

But see, for me, i see this as if i welcome a baby into the world and the biggest thing she/my mum take from it is that she has a middle name from my sisters hypothetical baby name list then are they really worth having around anyway? if they care more about the middle name than enjoying their new family member?

she also makes zero effort to see her first niece anyway so don’t think it will make much difference to her life regardless

no but it’s a similar sort of vibe

Just use it. It’s nuts not to use a name because someone else likes it. Your sister may never have a child, could have the opposite sex child or just change her mind anyway.

100% pick something else.

My DSis coincidentally named her DS something I wanted for my DS. She had no idea. I was a bit upset we lost out.

I would ask her but my immediate thought is that it is really unreasonable, since it’s “only a middle name” pick something else that won’t upset your sister you can’t be that set on it else it would be first name surely!

I would 100% choose another middle name or not use one at all!

I don't see the point coming on here and ignoring everyone that's saying not to use it. Why ask for our opinion if it's not going to make a difference. I think it's a really Twatty thing to do.

this comment keeps coming up about if you like it so much it would be first name etc etc it makes no sense? i like the first name best and the middle name second best, is that not how most people would choose a first/middle name order?

No way, it isn't something I would even consider, besides there are so many names out there surely you can find another name you love especially if it's just being used as the middle name.

Nah don't do that. Absolutely no need to cause this sort of hassle for the sake of a middle name. Congrats on the little one btw 😄

Don't give baby a middle name if literally nothing else will go with it. If your sister has said that is the name she loves why would you jump in and steal it, your words, unless you hate her?

I’m not someone who believes that you can “own” a name. One of my choices if we’d had a boy was Jack which is also what my best friend named her son. I know my friend also doesn’t believe you can own a name so it wouldn’t have been an issue. If I knew she did think like that, I would have to give it serious thought because I’d it worth ruining a relationship for? In most cases, probably not.

From your replies it genuinely just feels that because you’re not on speaking terms with her and because she put a dampener on your first baby, that you want to hurt her. I’m not saying you can’t be pissed off with how she was when your first was born - I still harbour resentment towards my BIL for what a self centred twat he was when DD was born and I doubt that will ever go away. However, this is your daughter’s name. She’s going to live with it forever, even if she doesn’t use her middle name much. I don’t think your daughter’s name should be something you make a stand on. If your parents have already said that it will upset your sister, then doing so is pretty much a relationship ender. It doesn’t matter if you wouldn’t get upset about that, your sister clearly would. Let the nail in the coffin be how she acts rather than how you act.

YABU

Can't you talk to your sister? I would say something like, "Hey sis. We've been thinking about names for our baby and were really taken with a name you said you liked. We won't use it if you're not happy about it but we wondered if you'd be okay if we used * for baby's middle name?"

No reason she couldn't still use it as a first name for a child that may or may not come to be in future.

Dress it up however you want OP, but it's obvious you don't like your sister and are basically using an ear marked name to wind your sister up. God knows I'd be tempted too if my sister was rambling on about her boss if I'd just given birth. But, in the long run that middle name will bug you so suggest you get out the book of names and find another

i would talk to her if we were on talking terms but we’re not, and considering how we are at the minute i know she will say not to use it even if it’s just to spite me so talking to her right now isn’t an option

Literally a million different names available to use

but you want to deliberately use one you know she likes.

Are you trying to be a bitch?

Find a new name.

But see, for me, i see this as if i welcome a baby into the world and the biggest thing she/my mum take from it is that she has a middle name from my sisters hypothetical baby name list then are they really worth having around anyway? if they care more about the middle name than enjoying their new family member?
This sounds very self centered.

Nobody owns a name, but you'd happily question whether to have your family around if they object to you being a bit of an arse and doing something you know is likely to upset your sister?

To turn this post on its head, how would you respond if your mum and sister decided peppapeeej knew doing something would probably upset her sister, but she did it anyway and then got stroppy with us for pointing it out. Maybe it's not worth spending that much time around someone who seems to actively seek family conflict and goes out of their way to upset their sister?

Regardless of your sister's current reproductive aspirations, you want to use one of her two "chosen" names, despite you regarding this name as a mere "filler" name. If it's just a filler, there are dozens of short names which start with a constanant.
I think you just want to be difficult

i don’t want to be difficult, i just want to use a name i like?