AIBU to ‘steal’ a baby name

[peppapeeej]

My sister has always liked a particular name for her ‘future child’. I love the name as a middle name for my daughter due next month. I mentioned it to parents and they immediately said sister would be so so hurt etc etc. It’s the only middle name I like with the first name we’re using and I have racked my brain for months over this.

If it’s relevant I do not care if she uses it in the future but imo her ‘future child’ is a hypothetical thing especially as she has expressed she’s not even sure she wants children in the first place. Feel so silly posting this but would like to know if I’m being unreasonable here.

Also no I won’t be saying the name as it’s outing

Still not a nice thing to do. I have two girls and tell everyone who asks that I'm done but obviously before I knew the sex of both I had "a boys name" that is still and always will be my favourite. I'd be absolutely gutted if my brothers / sisters used it for their kids middle name when it's the name I'll 100% use if I ever have an accidental boy or find myself broody when mine are grown up.

She wouldn't use it in the future because it won't feel new or exciting anymore. Out of allllllll the names in the world you had to choose the one your sister likes, really?! That is annoying, be creative and get your own name

Just choose another name. Middle names very seldom get used, just pick something else you can live with or go with no middle name at all.

I know names my sister would want for both her hypothetical children and dogs and there's no way I'd ever use one of them!

YABVVU.

You don’t even want it as a first name! Using the name she’s always told you she wants for her DC would be spiteful, petty and competitive. Bollocks is it the only name you can find that goes with your chosen first name. If you have any self-awareness at all, you’ll realise this is not about the name at all, but about you trying to get one over on your sister.

Suggest you go chat with a therapist about why you’re competitive with your sister and why you’re so keen to do something you know would hurt her and distress your parents.

I wouldn't. Plus I don't think it's really worth the family fall out. She may never forgive you or always resent you for it.

No-one owns a name so you can use it if you want. What you can’t control though it how other people feel about your choice. Only you can decide if it’s worth upsetting your sister and causing bad feeling with your parents over.

No-one owns a name.

No, I wouldn't do it, a middle name isn't worth the conflict. How about no middle name at all, in my family no one has a middle name, and I never felt like I missed anything in my life/name.

This would be ok if it had a special meaning to your partner

Eg. I know you love the name but it was the name of DH's aunt so it would mean a lot etc.

Otherwise I don't believe you that there isn't a single other name as a middle name. It just sounds like a mean thing to do.

I didn't have girls, but if I had, my sister's names would be their middle names.

No one owns a name.

I had a friend who told all her friends not to use a certain girls name, fast forward many years and she hasn’t had any children…

I wouldn’t use it as a first name but I’d use it as a middle name, does it have a family meaning behind it or is it just a random name?

What a ridiculous situation. She's not even pregnant! Use the name. Don't feel bad. She'll sulk but she'll get over it.

Also YABU for not telling us the name.

You’d have to be such a twat to do this.

That’s really mean, OP. I used to say I didn’t want kids and now I have one. I could never do that to my sister.

Have you asked your sister?
Frame it as “you say you don’t intend to have kids, would you like me to use it as a middle name as a tribute to you. Then there’s still the option for you to use the name as a first name if you change your mind”

Obviously, if she says no then you don’t use it. Not worth the fallout.

You are being a bitch and you know it, or else you wouldn't need excuses such as "she doesn't even know if she wants kids". Maybe she's desperate for them but for a whole host of reasons it might not happen for her. If you do this then I would expect your relationship to sour and even disappear.

@peppapeeej - if you don’t want to give the middle name, could you tell us the first name you’ve chosen, and maybe the collective wisdom of MN can come up with some middle name suggestions?

Personally I think it's something you shouldn't do, she's clearly had it picked out a long time, there are so many names out there, just leave that name for her and pick another x

You only want to use it as a middle name. Ask her how she'd feel. She can still use it as a first name if she wants to.

Not quite the same I appreciate, but I used a certain name as my youngest DS's middle name, then SIL used it for her DS's first name. Neither of us minded a bit.

She’s your sister, can’t you just tell her that she’s made you love the name too and that you’d really like to use it for her niece?

Sorry should’ve clarified to above poster yes I put it’s the name she likes but basically she has a list of 4 - 2 girls names 2 boys names and it’s one of the girls names so not the absolute only one but one on this list.

Im not going to say the name because I know my mum is on here and it’s outing, I think that’s fair enough. The problem I have is first name and surname begin with vowels and first name is a bit of a unique name which, for me, cuts out any middle name starting with a vowel and any unique middle names because then the whole name just sounds too much. The middle name I like is short and sweet and a typical ‘filler’ name which is why I like it. Not having a middle name is not an option as I love middle names and my first daughter has two so I’m not giving the next baby nothing at all.

Also I have suggested other names to DH but he doesn’t like any other suggestions I have

this is jumping to assumptions. she takes the pill religiously and told me if she ever got pregnant she’d ‘kill the little alien’ so no, she’s not secretly trying and struggling i am absolutely certain about that one

Did you ask your sister if you could it as middle name?