AIBU to ‘steal’ a baby name

[peppapeeej]

My sister has always liked a particular name for her ‘future child’. I love the name as a middle name for my daughter due next month. I mentioned it to parents and they immediately said sister would be so so hurt etc etc. It’s the only middle name I like with the first name we’re using and I have racked my brain for months over this.

If it’s relevant I do not care if she uses it in the future but imo her ‘future child’ is a hypothetical thing especially as she has expressed she’s not even sure she wants children in the first place. Feel so silly posting this but would like to know if I’m being unreasonable here.

Also no I won’t be saying the name as it’s outing

I think it's a bit spiky to use it
Just because she doesn't have a baby atm doesn't mean she won't

Let her have that to avoid conflict, it's not cruel but it's not kind either to do it and it's a bit blasé about something you know is important to her

YABU to use the name choose another
What's your daughters first name maybe we can help names to go with it!

Just saw you're not talking as well

No don't do it it's mean I've read some more of your posts

You're making something that is important to her less precious!

For god's sake.

OP there are obviously a lot of family dynamics here and a lot of posters who clearly don't live in the real world.

I'm going to give you some sound advice - use the name you like.

Your sister does not own the name.

She doesn't even know if she wants children!

If you love the name and you don't want to use any other then don't.

A scenario for you which has never caused me or my family any problems. My only sister used the name I had always planned to used for my first son for her baby. It was our dead dad's name. I had decided if I had a boy I would call him that name. She never discussed it with me beforehand but I knew it didn't matter either way. I haven't had a boy, but if I did I would I still consider it - absolutely.

I can't stress how ridiculous it is to get so upset over picking the name you like.

The posters that are getting upset over this need to give themselves a a reality check and get out in the real world where there are REAL problems. Please don't listen to them! My god. Get a grip.

My SIL, knew my husband and I both wanted Isabelle, when she had illegitimate daughter she named her Isabelle. So we chose Amelia instead which we now prefer with a view to calling her Millie for short. Then SIL got a dog and named her Millie. Not surprised she copies most things off us and is an entitled spoiled twat in general 🙄

Poor illegitimate Isabelle. That’s a label I haven’t heard in a while.

In fact I admire your sister for naming her dog after your clearly superior legitimate child.

Honestly, we have one life, one crack at naming our kids and if yours is actually here, or about to be, you take first dibs

IF your sister ever decides to have kids, she can call her dd the name and literally nobody outside your immediate family will even know.

don’t put your life on hold for others, it’s her job to be resilient, not yours to be apologetic (you’re not even doing anything wrong)

Twattery clearly runs in the family…

My SIL, knew my husband and I both wanted Isabelle, when she had illegitimate daughter she named her Isabelle

I'm surprised you SIL didn't go for 'Bastardine' which I'm sure you'd have approved of. To be honest, I think she stole your name on purpose because she hated your attitude.

Not so, didn't have an "attitude" with her at all, tbf🤷‍♀️ was just stating facts. She wasn't in a relationship at the time each to their own and was very supportive at the time.

No one is using the term 'illegitimate daughter' in the year 2023 in a purely factual way.

I thought when I saw this thread had beeb resurrected that the OP had had the baby and had resolved the issue about the baby's name with her sister.

Instead it's a story about Isabelle who is Illegitimate.

Beeb? Been!

Tbh I don’t know why you posted. You sound like you are going to use the name anyway.

You also sound like you are going to use it to get one over on your sister.

I wouldn't do it. Why cause family dischord over a middle name?

I used the name my sister wanted to call her "future" son as my son's middle name. I wanted to use it to honour our grandad. After reading some of the comments I guess I was in the wrong to do so. I didn't think it was horrible in the slightest.

If you had a good relationship with your sister and/or the "name" was the only one on her list of possible names for future children, I'd say don't do it.
However as this doesn't seem to be the case and it's only a middle name, I'd say 1) make one last effort to look into other possible middle names with DH; 2) if you don't like any other name, go with the "name" and tell DM you really tried to choose something else, but it wasn't meant to be.

I disagree with the general trend here. She is not giving her DD the name as a first name. Why does it matter if her DD has a middle name, that a cousin later has as a first name? Particularly if OP is clear she is content with that. Wouldn't bother me in the least if anyone in the future used one my DCs middle names as a first name - I'm expecting DC3 atm and may well be doing that myself :).

I would have said YANBU until I came to the part where you specified this would be a middle name. Why create shit over a middle name? None of mine even have middle names as it was honestly hard enough coming up with the first names. I couldn’t care if their middle names were Beryl/John, it’s not like they would ever be used or spoken in their lifetime really. So why cause shit over it? If you wanted it for the first name my response would be different, as in just do it.

Ask her if she would be okay with you using it.