AIBU to ‘steal’ a baby name

[peppapeeej]

My sister has always liked a particular name for her ‘future child’. I love the name as a middle name for my daughter due next month. I mentioned it to parents and they immediately said sister would be so so hurt etc etc. It’s the only middle name I like with the first name we’re using and I have racked my brain for months over this.

If it’s relevant I do not care if she uses it in the future but imo her ‘future child’ is a hypothetical thing especially as she has expressed she’s not even sure she wants children in the first place. Feel so silly posting this but would like to know if I’m being unreasonable here.

Also no I won’t be saying the name as it’s outing

Since it is a middle name I don't see the problem. If the sister names her future child the name these cousins will have a special connection with each other.

it is along those lines and i did actually like grace but dh hates it. i don’t want to hurt her because in all honesty i just don’t get why she’d care - it’s my mum who thinks she will - but i simply just like the name

Why do that to her? She's made it clear she wants to use that name hypothetically there's hundreds of thousands of names!

How would you feel if it was the other way round?

You know it is a name she has always loved and means a lot to her.
Yes, she may never be blessed with a daughter, but to give your daughter that name as a middle name just seems like you are doing it to deliberately spark a reaction in her.

I'd usually say "People don't own a name", but in this instance it just seems cruel.

yeah but mine is a real baby and hers is a figment of her imagination that may never fabricate into an actual person?

With the context that you don't seem to like her much and aren't even talking right now, I'd assume you were doing it on purpose to annoy her - she will certainly think that!

You say you don't want her to put a dampener on the birth of your new child, but you're literally handing her the perfect opportunity to do just that. Don't do it. Just choose something else. It's only a middle name!

Then whatever she does next, you can hold your head high knowing you've done nothing to provoke her actions.

if she used my favourite name as a middle name i wouldn’t care, i’d still use it as a first name if i loved it that much

OP I’m so sorry you’ve had such horrid comments all over a name, I actually found myself laughing at a few because I think it’s just mad that some PPs have got so wound up over something so simple as a name. YOU are the one that is pregnant and if you like the name use it. Like I said before, nobody owns a name! Your sister has said some horrible things to you about “killing the little alien” so it doesn’t seem that she wants or will, in fact, ever be a mother so why should you miss out on a name just incase she may decide to change her mind years down the line? She might not. If she does she might have boys and then you’ve missed out for no reason! I really can’t work out why so many people think yabu… it’s not like you are both pregnant right now and both want the name etc etc. It’s literally a case that she might never even have a child. How can you possibly be being unreasonable? Unless I’ve completely missed something here 🤷🏼‍♀️

I agree, I don't see what's cruel about it or why it warrants the OP being called a bitch who is doing a twatty thing. I wonder what names people would call my grandparents and great aunt and uncle. Both couples gave their eldest child the exact same first name. It was a family name which meant a lot to all of them. Nobody was upset, nobody was hurt, nobody fell out with anyone about it, the cousins were both known by their middle names, and were close friends all their lives.

OP it's becoming clearer with every post that you're going to use the name, regardless of what your family or strangers on the internet say. So i'm not quite sure why you started the thread. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ask her what she thinks? If she's no keen don't do it.

Ask her what she thinks it not us.

It's a middle name, tell her it's in her honour and move on.

Just don’t. You know it wouldn’t be a kind thing to do or you wouldn’t have asked. Nobody needs a middle name anyway so if you can’t think of another that you like, just don’t have a middle name.

Unreasonable. If you can't think of an alternative middle name for your child, just don't have a middle name. They are just there on a passport anyway, serve very little other purpose.
Not worth upsetting your sister and family for.

this is jumping to assumptions. she takes the pill religiously and told me if she ever got pregnant she’d ‘kill the little alien’ so no, she’s not secretly trying and struggling i am absolutely certain about that one

That's a jump from "she isn't even sure she wants children" in your OP

thanks so much. i know i’m getting a bit on the defence here but i feel like all the comments about it being twatty and bitchy are so uncalled for i didn’t think it would be such a controversial thread 😅

It sounds as though I’ve made up your mind and you’re here to try and justify it to yourself 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think that if you need the justification you think it will hurt your sister.

I think it would be a spiteful thing to do, especially considering it’s just a middle name. You have chosen a first name, don’t be greedy

well i just think it’s a bit intense to talk about the subject of abortion on a first post when it’s not really relevant to the thread but if people are going to jump to conclusions that she’s desperately trying when i know that’s not the case then i may as well be transparent

No problem at all! We aren’t all here to jump down your throat. I wish you the best with the rest of your pregnancy and whatever name you chose to use! x

If you know she will be hurt, don't do it. If you think she'll be ok, do it. It's that simple. But tell us the name and then we might be able to find alternatives.

Don't do it, So many lovely names to choose from.

And maybe she's saying she doesn't but want children as a defence and she is worried she won't be able to have them for any reason (opportunity, health etc). Sometimes that's easier than saying I can't or didn't meet anybody.

And yes I agree! Totally uncalled for. If they truly think yabu there are other ways to articulate that without name calling!

I'd actually be delighted at this. I think it's sweet?