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Original poster

Eleven yr old wants to change her name

223 replies

ErskineMay · 14/01/2018 22:32

My 11 year old says she hates her name. She wants to change it this summer as she moves from primary to secondary. This is not a flash in the pan obsession, she has hated her name for a country or of years and has been fixated on one particular new name for about six months.

What would others do in this situation? Should we say she can do what she likes at 16 or should we support the change now?

OP posts:
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strangerhoesagain · 14/01/2018 22:32

It depends what the name is

Wow1234 · 14/01/2018 22:33

Could she use her middle name instead?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 14/01/2018 22:34

And what she wants to change it to...

calzone · 14/01/2018 22:34

Hmmmm

I would probably be upset but if she was desperate and it made her happy I would support it before high school.

What’s the name she hates?

BrutusMcDogface · 14/01/2018 22:34

Depends what the name is, yes, but also on how you and her dad feel about her changing it? If she's truly unhappy, then maybe you should just let her do it. If you think she'll change her mind again in a couple of years (because she's still so young!) then make her wait.

Sounds like a tough situation!

SingaSong12 · 14/01/2018 22:36

If she really doesn't like the name change now because otherwise she will have things like certificates in her current name, and although that's not that unusual it's a faffwhen you need to show them later.

If she has a middle name could she try using that for a bit?

Original poster
ErskineMay · 14/01/2018 22:36

I don’t want to identify her by giving the exact names. Her christened name was my mother’s name. It’s very classic but not currently fashionable, quite like the names Helen or Mary. The name she wants is also classic but sort of old lady chic and popular at the moment, quite like the names Tabitha or Edith.

OP posts:
sycamore54321 · 14/01/2018 22:36

Why does she hate it? How new will the new school be? If she hates it due to other pupils bothering about it, then it would, I imagine, take huge strength of character to suddenly present to secondary school with a new name if half the class have grown up with her as her old name.

RidingWindhorses · 14/01/2018 22:37

I think you should support the change now before she goes to secondary. She will have a whole new group of friends who won't know her by her old name. 16 is too late - you can't change name in the middle of school. She will have to wait then until she goes to uni. Unless of course she changes school in the middle - but you can't count on that.

theconstantinoplegardener · 14/01/2018 22:38

I think 11-year-old can be a bit fickle in this regard. Even if she has hated her given name for two years, she probably won't remain consistent in her preferred name/spelling of name for some time. I think I'd be inclined to suggest that she can be known by her current name of choice when she starts secondary school, but not change it officially until she's sixteen (or older) and hopefully more certain in her tastes.

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/01/2018 22:38

No children don't get to pick their own names, that's ridiculous.

LyraPotter · 14/01/2018 22:38

My best friend from primary school hated her name and changed it as soon as she was legally allowed to. If your DD is dead set on it and has a reasonably sensible name which she has been consistently keen on for a while I would let her - she probably will eventually anyway!

Georgeofthejungle · 14/01/2018 22:38

It would be helpful to know the names...

Not quite the same but I needed braces when I was younger but my mum said I said I didn’t want them so I didn’t get them. I ended up having to have them when I was Mid 20’s. It annoyed me that as my mother she didn’t over rule me and say ‘you are getting the bloody braces’. She was obviously trying to do right by me and effectively it was the wrong decision.

Have written that and not sure it’s even relevant to this situation but thought I’d post anyway.

BattleCuntGalactica · 14/01/2018 22:39

If she's really unhappy with her current name, then yes. I changed my name in 2014 to a shortened version of the name i was supposed to be given before my arsehole father vetoed it. I feel much better for it, so I'm definitely in the 'yes do it' camp.

BattleCuntGalactica · 14/01/2018 22:40

@MyDcAreMarvel what a horrible thing to say!

Georgeofthejungle · 14/01/2018 22:41

Sorry - cross post with yours with more info on names.

I’m unsure. I’d perhaps tell her she can change it when she’s old enough.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2018 22:42

Difficult one really. I can see the argument for not allowing her.

But

I hated my name as a child. And 30 years later I still hate it. My middle name is awful too so I couldn't even use that. My name has never felt like it was mine. I use a shortened version which I hate but o hate less than the full version and I can't near to hear people use my full name

If I could have changed my name when going to a new school where fewer people knew me I'd have been so happy.

Original poster
ErskineMay · 14/01/2018 22:43

Her middle name is my maiden name so she can’t use that.

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 14/01/2018 22:45

Doesn't every 11 year old want to change their mane to something more cool and special? I would tell her she has to wait to be honest, chances are she'll change her mind anyway.

OlafLovesAnna · 14/01/2018 22:46

I think that as she's set on the 'fashionable' name it might be more a a fad than anything else.

I'd be tempted to say she can think of a nickname to put in the 'known as' section of paperwork and use the new nickname day to day. Eg her name is Helen but she wants to be known as Nell from now on.

Or as a pp suggests let her become known as Tabitha and change it officially when she's 16.

LarkDescending · 14/01/2018 22:46

Could the new name perhaps be added as an additional middle name so that she retains all the options? It does sound as though she has been thinking about this for some time.

timshortfforthalia · 14/01/2018 22:46

I think support her. If she has been talking about this for a while, the move to secondary would seem an appropriate time. Sounds like her choice of name isn't off the wall, so yes, back her I think.

Ds(8) really doesn't like his slightly unusual name. I have said to him that he can change at secondary if he still wants to.

Popskipiekin · 14/01/2018 22:46

I hated my name (one of the ones you’ve mentioned, incidentally!) throughout school and university. I only ever considered changing to my middle name and good friends did call me by my middle name. Strangely I never did fully switch to my middle name and am now back with my first name.

I think I did upset my parents a lot by saying how much I’d hated the name they’d chosen so Flowers for you OP as it’s a bit gutting I’m sure!

She’s only 11, I’d be worried of making any permanent change so young. But can’t you embrace it at home and have her introduce herself as her new name - kind of like a nickname eg “hi I’m Tilly, my name’s actually Susan but I like to be known as Tilly” without making it official just yet.

k2p2k2tog · 14/01/2018 22:47

I hate my name too. But in my 40s it's too late to change it now. And I never had the option of a middle name as my parents didn't give me one.

From my experience I would encourage her to come up with something she;s comfortable with and that is still related to her proper name. So if for example she's Margaret, she could be Meg, Meggie, Megan, Mar, Mags or if she's Sandra she could be Essie, Dee, Andi.... I'm sure she could come up with something.

seven201 · 14/01/2018 22:47

Hmmm I don't know. I don't think I'd be any to be 11 and called Mary or Helen at the moment. But when I was her age I very nearly succeeded in getting my mum to change my name from a good solid name eg Kate to Diana. This was in the early 90's so there aren't many Diana's at my age and I actually love my name now. How long does the paperwork take to come through/how late can you leave it to make a decision? You definitely don't want to leave it until september as the school will be starting the paperwork soon so will need the correct name. At my school the register appears with the legal name so teachers will use what appears in front of them.