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Original poster

Eleven yr old wants to change her name

223 replies

ErskineMay · 14/01/2018 22:32

My 11 year old says she hates her name. She wants to change it this summer as she moves from primary to secondary. This is not a flash in the pan obsession, she has hated her name for a country or of years and has been fixated on one particular new name for about six months.

What would others do in this situation? Should we say she can do what she likes at 16 or should we support the change now?

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Standardpubquizname · 15/01/2018 12:11

I think L will probably age better than M as there seem to be quite a lot of Ms around atm, both lovely names though

Battleax · 15/01/2018 12:14

Both nice names.

But it's her opinion that matters, not yours and certainly not ours.

Alittleconcerned1980 · 15/01/2018 12:19

If she was saying “any name but my name” I’d be more inclined to go with it.

Fact that she’s set on one name makes me think flash in the pan.

I’d revisit in a year.

Cracklesfire · 15/01/2018 12:20

I’d either let her change it or she can insist the new name is now what she wants to be known as and everyone has to get on board.

I know a woman called Gordon who never changed her name but is only ever known by a very modern, feminine name except on legal documents.

NewYearNiki · 15/01/2018 12:26

L is a nice name.

She may well like it as she grows up.

I also like the name she wants to change it to.

Would she respond to the new name though?

RavenLG · 15/01/2018 12:35

L is a perfectly nice name.
M reminds me of one of the house robots from robot wars but that's my warped brain
I'd also suggest the known as option for the next few years and encourage family members etc. to address her as so, and if she still legally wants to change her name when she is old enough to then she can.

FeralBeryl · 15/01/2018 12:38

Oh I think (that name) is lovely. There are a couple of baby/toddlers floating around with the same name do it's definitely on the way back.
I hated my name as a child, there were no others, then once I got to about 11, whoosh - a huge wave of the buggers, it's stayed very popular since and I'm now quite affronted that I'm not rare Grin
Would lengthening and changing it please her? Eg: Leanna, Leander, or change her spelling and slight sound to make it Leia so it's 'cool' ?

Wallofglass · 15/01/2018 12:47

I think the L name is lovely and quite modern. I thought it was going to be something like Mary. I wonder why she feels so strongly about it. I don't know anyone middle aged with that name.

BakedBeans47 · 15/01/2018 12:52

I know a number of people with various ages with that name, including younger than your daughter, and am surprised it’s viewed as old fashioned or subject to teasing at all. It’s a lovely name.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/01/2018 12:54

Oh. L is a lovely name. Not what I was thinking it was going to be at all!

BakedBeans47 · 15/01/2018 12:57

I also like the name she prefers but given your explanation about the name, if that’s also why she likes it, I’d be reluctant to let her as her view may change as she grows up. And if it doesn’t she can change it then.

NinonDeLenclos · 15/01/2018 13:00

There are quite a lot of Ls around I don't think of it as old-fashioned. But perhaps its very popularity is what she dislikes - she's probably met other Ls.

I have to say I much prefer M. However I do think it's a name that 11 year old girls like and perhaps not 20somethings so much.

Wallofglass · 15/01/2018 13:03

Now I know what the name is, I feel differently. It's not as if it's old fashioned or embarrassing or even that distinctive. I think I would encourage her to wait until she is 18 then she can do it if she likes, by which time she will probably not want to be called the M name.

NewYearNiki · 15/01/2018 13:03

Is she into Star Wars?

If not can you introduce her?

It is spelt differently but the name appears in them.

llangennith · 15/01/2018 13:05

Hmm I’d never have guessed at those two names! Nothing wrong with either.
I still say let her change it though. She’s obviously determined to be M.

SaturnUranus · 15/01/2018 13:17

My DD started secondary school in September. She knows of at least three Yr7s who have changed their names to something else since the end of primary school. They've done it by getting a form from the school office and having the "Known As" section of their school records amended.

I would let her try it out on that kind of basis to start with and see how she gets on with it. If it 'sticks', then look at making it a more official change.

EachandEveryone · 15/01/2018 13:20

I think her name is lovely and kick ass. I would start calling her M but do nothing about it officially until she’s older. I thing M is a flash in the pan I reckon loads of 11 year olds like it. Has she been to the show? Read the book?

LemonMuffin837 · 15/01/2018 13:21

I hated my name growing up as it was very common, i wanted to change mine too. The older I got the less I cared and now I'm glad I wasn't named anything strange.

YellowPrimula · 15/01/2018 13:22

What about changing it ( informally) to a more modern spelling , I know a couple of L. I. A s and it definitely feels a bit more modern and less biblical .

MrsTiggyWinkle3 · 15/01/2018 13:22

I've read the first three pages of your posts.

Personally, I would try and find a nickname for her name now that she likes. It doesn't have to be the usual nickname for her name, for example if her name was Anna (which I think it could be but you don't have to clarify), she could be Annie or Annys. Or could use a longer version like Anabelle, Anastasia, Adrianna. This way, she would still have the same name but could feel like she was choosing a new name to fit her identity.

I wouldn't personally allow her to change her name to this new name that she likes. A lot of children go through phases of loving someone else's name and hating theirs.

Cloudhopping · 15/01/2018 13:23

Oh gosh, L is a beautiful name, I'm surprised anyone would want to change it to M. But I get that it's not about what anyone else thinks.

Will she regret it if done officially though? Like many on this thread, I hated my name when I was young and would have changed it if I knew I had the choice (I wasn't given the choice!) But I like it now and so glad I didn't change it. The name I wanted to change it to was very much on trend for that era and is now very dated.

I think there is a lot to be said for getting kids to accept that there are some things they don't get to choose. I don't mean to be harsh but having a name you don't like as a child shouldn't be a biggy, it's just the norm isn't it?

MrsTiggyWinkle3 · 15/01/2018 13:24

Wow, I've just seen what her name is and I love that name.

I think it's much nicer than what she wants to change it to.

Badgoushk · 15/01/2018 13:27

How will it affect your relationship if you block this? I would let her change. M is a nice name and you could switch to M L Surname.

blackberryfairy · 15/01/2018 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuDeNimm · 15/01/2018 13:31

My dd changed her name but just used her middle name from year 7 onwards. She's 17 and still uses it. Her new name is a classic (not at all fashionable ) name - so she went the opposite way to your dd

I'd let her go the 'known as' route for now, and then maybe just add the new name to her given names in a few years. I've used different variants of my name over the years, now using the long version that I absolutely hated at 11.