Eleven yr old wants to change her name

[ErskineMay]

My 11 year old says she hates her name. She wants to change it this summer as she moves from primary to secondary. This is not a flash in the pan obsession, she has hated her name for a country or of years and has been fixated on one particular new name for about six months.

What would others do in this situation? Should we say she can do what she likes at 16 or should we support the change now?

I hated my 4-letter biblical name and changed to my equally ordinary middle name aged 10. I am eternally grateful to my mum for letting me. A couple of aunts and uncles disapproved, but they got used to it in the end. It's horrid being identified by a name that doesn't feel right. It's almost akin to being identified with the sporty kids, made to wear sportswear and treated as if sport is 'your thing' when really you're a piano player and couldn't hit a ball if your life depended on it.

When DD started secondary school she was asked on a form her name and what she preferred to be known as so perhaps do the same. New school, new name.

Her actual name can be made into any nickname she wants though so she could explore that a bit more.

If Sara then Sare- Bear (like care bear) or Ra-Ra
If Mary then shortened to Mi-Mi or lengthened to Mariah or slightly charged to Mara

If her middle name has a cool start letter then she could be MJ or if it's Sara East she could be Essie (literally Es for Sara and E for East). Only works with certain letters.
I wasn't keen on my name at school but it had alliteration so for a time I was known as CeCe.

Missing the point but...I actually really like the name Ruth! Definitely due a trendy revival.

If Sara then Sare- Bear (like care bear) or Ra-Ra

Or she could just change her bloody name, Anne...

Not that we are guessing but I think the name begins with L and ends in s.....

If so, I do think it’s a bit dated and she should be allowed to change it.

My friend is called Tracy and hates hates hates it. She is 48 and now asking us to call her something completely different. So far it’s working.

If she had a genuinely tease worthy name (eg Fanny) then I can see how she may prefer to change it.

However it sounds like she has a perfectly normal name. Names aren't fashion accessories that need to be 'trendy'. I think she should find other ways to express her desire for 'coolness'. Her name's purpose is to identify her.

So no, I wouldn't support an 11 year old's wish for a cooler name.

“Her actual name can be made into any nickname she wants though so she could explore that a bit more”

Or she could just change her name to the one she likes. Why on earth is this such a big deal?

There was a girl in my class with an old fashioned name like Helena or joan. She hates it so was called a flower like Rosie or daisy. Not her actual name but that was the preferred name so everyone in school called her that. When u apply you can tell them what the child prefers to be called

Everyone saying how this 11 year old shouldn’t be allowed to change her name should be thinking right now of whether they’d have been happy at age 11 had they been named the same way (I’d have been Edna Mansell surname). Delightful for a growing pre-teen.

I can't imagine any name to so bad, even if it's a little old fashioned, for 11 year olds to tease it. Kids are pretty accepting of most names!

My nieces and nephews were never teased for their unusual names. People usually quite liked them. But by the time they were 11 they were bored with the “ yes, it is unusual, isn’t it” “it’s because...” “yes, it’s spelled...” and so ad infinitude conversations. So they changed.

If it's difficult to spell, that might become a pain after a while. Is it though?

Either way, I really don't think an eleven year old should get to choose their own name

Wtf not?

My dd 12 has changed her name.

She went by known as for around 18 months and then we changed it legally for her, we could have waited till she was 16/18 but she was very unhappy with the name we gave her and we decided with her that it was important that she felt comfortable.

For me I wanted her to know that her feelings are important and respected

I hated my name as a child. Pre-primary school I shortened it e.g Catherine to Cathy (not my real name!) and always wanted a more modern name.

I bought a baby name book when I was 13 and spent hours trying to decide what name to choose.

I’m nearly 40 now and love my name. I use my full name at work and my teenage self would be shocked! It is suggested all the time as a classic on name threads. Name trends come and go.

You don't have to legally change her name, just put it down as a nickname or preferred name on her school forms. Let her pay for it herself when she's old enough.

My ds wanted to change his name for about a year when he was 8 or 9. He grew out of it, but I didn't mind the thought of him changing it. it's his life.

My sister in law begged her parents to let her change her name (Barbara) before going to secondary school. They refused. She never stopped hating it & changed it against their wishes before going to Uni...so all her new friends, my brother (who became her husband) and everyone else now calls her the new name (Cora) EXCEPT her parents, who still call her Barbara! Very confusing at family occasions...and for her 4 children! I'd say let her change it now & keep your mum's name as a middle name.

She's going to change it as soon as she can anyway. At least if it's changed early enough her GCSE certificates will be in the name she's going to use.

Speaking from experience if I'd been allowed to change mine going into secondary school there'd have been a lot less confusion in adulthood.

I was teased unmercifully for years for my old lady name. I find it bizarre that it's so popular nowadays and I still hate it

My parents didn't like me wanting to change my name so I had everyone else call me my chosen name and still had to use my birth name officially. I finally changed it by deed poll in order to be married as my new name, and then changed my official documents to my new name and married name.

It's been 15 years of being called two different names, and changing it officially has been a faff because everything has my old name on so I have to use my deed poll to prove anything. My family still call me my old name.

Let her use a 'known as' name and if it sticks let her change it officially in a couple of years because she'll do it anyway eventually and it'll save her the faff in the long run.

Is it possible to lengthen her name.

Given the name she wants is sensible I'd be inclined to agree. My 10 year old asks if she can change her name occasionally to something like Manga or game character or my little pony sounding names! But a compromise would be to add in the name she wants as another middle name, after checking with the school they will allow her to use her middle name as her known name. Then if she does change her mind later she can. Or keep her current name as her middle at least.

I'd also consider name changing and ask about her current name on the name topic, and gather a general opinion about her current name. Maybe it really is awful for her! Maybe it's lovely and she is over exaggerating the teasing.

You guys are making me laugh with your persistent name guessing.

I will write her christened name in a non googleable format to put you out of your misery. Her name is L. E. A. H.

It may not be fashionable but it’s classic and, I thought, timeless. The only nn we know of is L. e. e. and she hates that. She wants to be known by the name of a little girl genius that Roald Dahl wrote a book about.

Please don’t re-type her name and make it googleable!

L>E.A.H is not what I would think of as an old fashioned name at all, its classic but also fairly modern sounding imo. Although I can see that its difficult to make a nn out of it

I'd agree that that is a fairly popular name nowadays - ime anyway. Nothing especially wrong with it, but if she doesnt like it she doesnt like it. I'd let her be known as the other name.