Eleven yr old wants to change her name

[ErskineMay]

My 11 year old says she hates her name. She wants to change it this summer as she moves from primary to secondary. This is not a flash in the pan obsession, she has hated her name for a country or of years and has been fixated on one particular new name for about six months.

What would others do in this situation? Should we say she can do what she likes at 16 or should we support the change now?

I'm known as a different name to the one on my birth certificate and it's no big deal really. A bit of faff sometimes but certainly less faff than officially changing it then changing it back.

(Mine wasn't my decision. My parents always called me a different name to the one on my birth certificate for reasons they have never fully explained.)

I taught a kid in a similar situation, kept their official name for all documents/registers etc but as teachers we were asked to call them by something else. It wasn't a problem. If it is a long term ongoing thing why not suggest this. It doesn't have to be permanent then if she changes her mind.

I had a friend named Ruth who despised her name at school and changed it when she was older - she moved abroad and took that as a good opportunity. Tbf to her I do think Ruth is godawful.

I think allowing her to choose a nickname to be known as at this age is a good option. I'd insist on her keeping her legal name until 18 but don't get upset when/if she then changes it. You can name a baby but you can't guarantee that the adult will appreciate your choice.

Hang on so if her name is your mum's name and then your maiden name with your husband's/family name as her surname then she doesn't really have any name of her own? That is quite a big thing for a young girl. I'd be tempted to add the Tabitha name between the Anne name and her middle name and then she can be "known as" the Tabitha name if she wants.

This is really tricky isn’t it and opinions are totally divided.
I HATED my name at 11, I was mocked about it and was the only person anyone knew with the name, it’s a unisex name with the shortening being the same for male and female I was constantly referred to as a boy - it actually isn’t unusual but very much was at that time.

I was desperate to change my name but my parents said no, I did change the spelling by one letter for about 7 years then changed back again.

Now I love my name, it’s classic and timeless and I’m very glad I didn’t change it to what I wanted!

My rambling point though, is that, it’s very individual I don’t think you will find the answer here you just have to judge it yourself. Having said that I would let her use the name of her choice whilst not formally changing anything whilst at school. What harm is there in her using another name which makes her feel comfortable at this time in her life?

I hadnt noticed the childs name is her maternal grandmothers full name.

Her first name AND her surname as a middle name. The OPs maiden name is the grandmothers surname too.

That's pretty crap for her.

I started using my nickname when I moved to secondary school. It is vaguely related to my legal name but not an obvious nickname - think "Isabella-Grace" became "Belle". I have never changed it legally, but I use my shortened name at work, at the drs, etc. I agree with others that she should use it as a known-as name for a few years before changing it legally.

Moving to secondary seems a good time to change, assuming she won't be with everyone from her primary school. The secondary where I teach takes more or less the entire cohort of Year 6s from a couple of local primaries, so I imagine a student from one of those schools would struggle with convincing all of their primary classmates of a sudden name change!

Just to clear two things up:
(1) her name is not Ruth or Anne
(2) my maiden name, her middle name, is my father’s surname not my mother’s so she is not named entirely after my mother

Ok but why werent any of your other children given a rehash of family names and surnames.

I think people are saying ruth and anne for the sake of example

No children don't get to pick their own names, that's ridiculous.

Agreed. She’s 11. If she still hates it when she’s old enough to change it she can do it then. In the meantime I wouldn’t be indulging her x

Sorry about the Ruth assumption OP :)

She is the eldest, born after my mum and dad died so it seemed natural and and right to honour them in her name. The others were born later. Obviously with hindsight, had I️ known I’d have more kids & she’d compare names, I️ would probably have done things differently.

Sorry that was in reply to NewYearNikki.

No offence taken at the Ruth assumption. It’s sort of the obvious four letter biblical name after Mary :-)

OP you don’t need to justify why you chose the names you did. Plenty of people choose meaningful family names esp for a first baby when as you say there’s no guarantee you’ll get to use them again x

Maybe when she’s older she’ll be honoured to be named after her grandmother x

No. She's a child. If she still hates her name at 18, then she can change it then. It's not an offensive or otherwise difficult name, going by what you said, so she just needs to live with it.

At the age of 11, I thought I'd make a fabulous Jennifer. At 30+, I'm now very happy with my given name, which is Elizabeth.

I'd let her add "Tabitha" as a new middle name and go with the Known As angle. Leaves scope for her to switch back to her original name with as little hassle as possible should she change her mind. I think her reasoning is sound- it's not like she's just suddenly "meh" about her name, she's made a decent choice in desired name and this is a good opportunity to change it before secondary/exams.

Slightly different but there was a girl I went to school with who changed her last name from Dick to Dickson in between primary and secondary. No better time to change it!

I would let her use a known as name, if when she's 14 she's still happy with it then I'd allow it to be legally changed then so her exam certificates will all be in her chosen name.
Struggling to think of 4 letter biblical names: Leah? Sara? Jael?

She’s too young. When I was 11 yrs old I bought a small pet with my pocket money and gave it a girls name that I thought was so cool at the time but it was actually pretty awful.

I was born in England and my parents gave me a popular American name which was very uncommon in England. When I moved to the states as a young adult I discovered it was not only a common name it WAS common. lol.

She is the eldest, born after my mum and dad died so it seemed natural and and right to honour them in her name. The others were born later. Obviously with hindsight, had I️ known I’d have more kids & she’d compare names, I️ would probably have done things differently.

I guess its so exciting with firstborn. You cant imagine having another. I was just curious btw, not questioning.

Attitudes change so much she may grow to love her name.

4 letter biblical name could be anything, Leah etc.

Add it in as her first middle as a pp has suggested. That way you can let the school know that she will be known as her first middle instead of her first name. They should accommodate that. The only time she'd have to write her full name would be on her exam sheets and stuff.

I used to know someone called Safiya (or something similary) who went by their middle name at school (think something like Miranda).

This way, if she decides she wants to keep her first name, she won't have to change it back again. It keeps her options open until such a time as she is older and more secure in the decision - because we all know how fickle adolescents can be. I would be worried she may regret it.

Is it Lois? Either way, I really don't think an eleven year old should get to choose their own name. If she feels this way at sixteen, it's up to her.

I desperately wanted to be called Sally when I was about at primary school. So instead, the family puppy was granted the name. I now love my classic name and it's increasingly popular.

I'd vote for the option of adding an additional middle name and using it as a "known as" name.

I agree with a known as name change.
Good luck OP