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Original poster

Eleven yr old wants to change her name

223 replies

ErskineMay · 14/01/2018 22:32

My 11 year old says she hates her name. She wants to change it this summer as she moves from primary to secondary. This is not a flash in the pan obsession, she has hated her name for a country or of years and has been fixated on one particular new name for about six months.

What would others do in this situation? Should we say she can do what she likes at 16 or should we support the change now?

OP posts:
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Hepzibar · 14/01/2018 23:10

Let her. I wish I had the confidence to change mine when I was her age.
I've lived with a name I loathe for 50 years.

PrincessScarlett · 14/01/2018 23:11

Don't all 11 year olds want to change their name? I remember at that age insisting everyone called me something else for a good year. Was a ridiculous name and I'd be mortified to be called it as an adult had I officially changed it.

Bowerbird5 · 14/01/2018 23:11

Ask the school if she could have it as her preferred name. We have some kids with known as ( for surnames) but not officially changed especially split families.
I can't see why she couldn't do this. As long as she wrote her full name on any official paperwork.
My daughter decide she didn't like her name and preferred her second name and when she filled in college forms put that. She came unstuck as she kept forgetting to answer to itGrin and after a week had to explain and went back to her original name. She now uses the two Christian names for her work.

TheweewitchRoz · 14/01/2018 23:11

Can she not have 2 middle names (so your mums name & your maiden name) & add the name she likes to the start?

My brother changed his name when he switched primary schools (after we'd moved to a totally new area) & he never regretted it & we all got used to it very quickly. [He was named after my DF & hated the name so came up with all kinds of excuses to diplomatically explain why he wanted to change. Think he was 8 or 9 at the time.]

Laine21 · 14/01/2018 23:13

let her change it or add her new name to the front so she has two (or three names if she already has two), if it really matter to her.
something to consider, do it legally as well, make a thing of it to show you support her, if you don't do it legally, her exam results will all have her legal name on, not the name she prefers.

Missingstreetlife · 14/01/2018 23:13

Lucky it's not her gender right now!
She can call herself what she wants. I would support this for a trial period but not do anything legal yet. Let her be known as name of choice, she can decide later to do deed poll, maybe at sixth form, or change back at will. Certificates etc can have all her names, she can use any.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 14/01/2018 23:15

No! She's 11 and she wants some fashionable name to fit in.

No.

If she was called Hildegaard or something I'd say yes...but she has a nice name from what you've described.

TheHolidayArmadillo · 14/01/2018 23:15

6 months really isn't a long time. Changing your name isn't like cutting your hair short or deciding to be a goth. And she's only 11. Yes, she should get to have an input on decisions that will impact her, but at 11 are we really meant to let children make big decisions?

I wanted to change my name at the same age, because my name was unusual amongst my year group. My parents told me not to be ridiculous. 17 years later I agree with them, it was a very "of it's time" name.

CremeFresh · 14/01/2018 23:15

I remember filling out a form for DD when she started secondary school, where there was a box for her official name and one that said 'prefers to be known as ....' . Is there similar at the new school?

EachandEveryone · 14/01/2018 23:17

I know peopke who have done it unofficially isnt that good enough?

I would be really upset if all three of my nieces changed their names wasnt that just a case of them all copying each other?

Original poster
ErskineMay · 14/01/2018 23:17

Her name is not at unfashionable as Barbara. It’s a four letter biblical name that I thought was timeless.

DH this now we should let her be known as the new name and that seems the consensus here so it’s probably what we will do. But maybe not a legal change yet, just a “known as” change and a legal change before GCSEs if she is still keen.

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 14/01/2018 23:19

Can she not have 2 middle names (so your mums name & your maiden name) & add the name she likes to the start?

I vote for this one too.

BertrandRussell · 14/01/2018 23:20

“would be really upset if all three of my nieces changed their names wasnt that just a case of them all copying each other?”

Possibly. But they all had very unusual names.

Mxyzptlk · 14/01/2018 23:21

That sounds sensible, May.

RidingWindhorses · 14/01/2018 23:22

If it's Anne, Mary or Ruth I can see her point.

GreenTulips · 14/01/2018 23:22

No children don't get to pick their own names, that's ridiculous.

Why? Why should thy be saddled with a name they dislike?

I hate my name - as a small child I told my mother 100 times that I hated my name - and I still do!! And I still tell her.

If your mothers name means so much why not change your name?

Let her be known as whatever, see how she feels at the start of secondary school

NewYearNiki · 14/01/2018 23:23

Hell no.

I hated my name as a child and wished I could be called a variety of names that mu heart was set on and kept changing my mindevery so often.

Now I love my name. So glad I never ever tinkered with it.

She is 11. She has been set on a name for 6 months only. How often do children change their minds about what they like.

SnorkFavour · 14/01/2018 23:23

I think thats the best idea, a school will usually ask what your name is and then what you like to be known by.

Maybe you could let her try her new name, using your mums name as another middle name?

If its Ruth, while I really understand that you want to honour your mum and the circumstances do sound so sad, I can see that the name isn't something a young girl would particularly see as 'cool'. It's a classic as you say but I can see it might be a little unpopular. Perhaps if your daughter kept the name in the middle it might make her feel more accepted perhaps.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 14/01/2018 23:26

I’ll go against the grain and ask if she’s the only one of the siblings who didn’t get an ‘original’ name all of her own?

From what you’ve said she has your Mum’s name as a memorial, and your maiden name as a middle name - what have her siblings got in comparison? Names are the one thing we have that are truly OURS - we carry them for life and have to bear the weight of any hearing them spoken numerous times a day, signing them, any judgments they may bring (just read the baby name threads here).

If she has honestly disliked it for many years then I would support her informally changing it about the house and at her current primary school and see if it drifts away before she moves to secondary.

Italiangreyhound · 14/01/2018 23:26

@ErskineMay I think a 'known as' solution seems to work well.

But ultimately if she wants to change it in the long run she will. And if so I'd get it legal before she gets certificates from school.

Althout my degree etc are in my maiden name so it's hardly a big deal.

Re "I probably shouldn’t have named her after my mum, it’s a lot to bare being named in memorial of someone."

I agree. I gave my dd my mum's middle name as a middle name. But then my mum died quite elderly and I feel sure her dying young is a very big thing for you.

The maybe part of the thing seems a bit of pressure on your dd, to be carrying the name of someone else and for this name to be special, not because it is your name, but because it was your mum's name. Although I am not sure this is the reason she wants to change it.

Good luck.

windygallows · 14/01/2018 23:28

oP there are lots of girls at DDs school with very different names than their birth names but that's mostly because they have posh nicknames like Minty and Bibi! So it's very common for girls to go by something different than on their application.

I don't think your daughter is too young to go by a different name although it would be easier if she had a nickname already.

I am reminded of the actress Sigourney Weaver who changed her name from Susan when she was 13! Not too young!

Bellamuerte · 14/01/2018 23:32

Children can be fickle. A few years ago my niece had an obsession with being called Katniss. Prior to that she had wanted to be called Hermione. And when she was very little she wanted to be called Belle like a Disney princess.

Your DD can be called anything she wants and it doesn't have to be her legal name. As a teenager I had friends who went by Melons and Tink! I'd insist on keeping her legal name until at least the age of 18 and permit her to use an informal nickname in the meantime.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 14/01/2018 23:35

I think that’s the best option OP, let her use the name she wants as a nickname while keeping the official one.

Having said that... if she keeps her official name now, changes it at 16 or 18, then gets married, so many name changes may become a bit of an issue when it comes to GCSE/Alevels certificates, etc. Just to avoid all that mix up and having to give explanations, send copies of the document that proves she changed her name by deed poll, is such a life long hassle it may be better to change it now.

LittleLights · 14/01/2018 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SimonBridges · 14/01/2018 23:37

From what you’ve said she has your Mum’s name as a memorial, and your maiden name as a middle name

I agree. She hasn’t really got a name of her own.

Could she get friends to use the name that she wants to use as a nickname? Starting secondary school is a good time to change something about yourself.
Did not change it legally but just a nickname.

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