Eleven yr old wants to change her name

[ErskineMay]

My 11 year old says she hates her name. She wants to change it this summer as she moves from primary to secondary. This is not a flash in the pan obsession, she has hated her name for a country or of years and has been fixated on one particular new name for about six months.

What would others do in this situation? Should we say she can do what she likes at 16 or should we support the change now?

WHAT ABOUT LETTING HER CALL HERSELF WHAT SHE WANTS TO CALL HERSELF???....

Calm down dear. There is no need to shout.

She's 11. Children are fickle

I hated my name and now I love it.

I think there probably is a need to shout, given post after post of nonsense that getting her to watch Star Wars is the answer, or that changing the spelling of the L name will make it "cooler", or that seeing a West End musical is necessary to settle the matter, or that the very popular M name will attract secondary school bullying....

The poor girl doesn't like her name. OP says this has been consistent for years.

There is a lot of emotional baggage to the L name in the family that outweighs all popular culture fluff.

She has liked the M alternative for 6 months.

Why is everyone twittering on about their own preferences?

That not a name I was imagining at all. That’s a lovely it name. Do you know why she hates it so much is she being bullied about it?

“She's 11. Children are fickle ”

Yep. And if she changes her mind she can go back to her old name. But she will have been heard, her feelings will have been achnowledged and her choices will have been respected. All things valuable beyond measure.

So what if the child uses the new name for a bit and then reverts, anyway? I really don't see how it makes a difference.

If she's hated the L name for years, I don't see how allowing her to use another name instead is harmful.

My husband hated his name(virtually made up 70s type name but nothing awful at all). He was also teased for it, as it was the same as a girls singing group at the time. He changed it when he was 10 to his middle name(which is a lovely classic). I find it so strange to think of him being anything other than his new name. The other name is still on his passport, and it got a good laugh at our wedding, but other than that it is never mentioned. He still says he hates it.
Only you know your daughter, but if the name she is proposing is not something totally outlandish, and this has been an on going thing, i think you should support her.

If the OP's dd doesn't like her name, it doesn't matter how "lovely" it is in the opinion of others....she should be allowed to control her own feelings (especially one as non-invasive to anyone else) as much as she wants and/or needs. I still resent my mother for constantly diminishing my feelings and thoughts. Throughout my childhood (and in adulthood) I was always cold (I am thin and have poor circulation). My mother's response was never to say "let me turn up the heat" or "that must be uncomfortable" or "how can I help?" Instead she constantly said "I'm not cold" as if her being cold was the only valid feeling. As a result of this and many other similar instances, I am only learning how to value my own emotions and feelings in my 50's and finally learning how to set boundaries (2 ex h's later).

How about just using the first letter of her name - which is a lovely name (Elle)?

Honestly- what’s the problem with her being allowed to use the name she wants?

I vote Elle also - lovely name & no need to change anything.

Any chance you can talk her into that?

Why can’t she have the name she wants?

But she doesn't want to be called Elle. She wants to be called M. She may or may not change her mind but where is the harm of giving her an extra name, legally or not, and letting her choose which one to use? It's not like she wants to be called Rainbow Pony or something. She's chosen herself a very nice name which is widely used, pretty and crucially is one she likes.

And Elle is a completely different kind of name from M anyway so I can't see why she would want to be called that.

Elle is very Stranger Things, which secondary school kids will know well.

But that doesn't matter. She wants to be called M. Naming a baby is very different to this, they can't voice their views.

I vote Elle also

It's not a vote

It's mum not wanting DD to change her name and DD wanting to be called M

I dispair

Someone I went to school with was known by his first name (a very American sounding name, very unfashionable at the time unlike now) at primary school, but when I met him at aged 11 he was known by an entirely different name (a very trendy one). I never knew of his 'real' name.... that is, until, I bumped into him last year and was shocked to see a different name on his lanyard. He had to explain the whole thing to me. Says he's so grateful he wasn't allowed to legally change his name.

Isn't it interesting how the consensus of the thread has changed now that we know the name and it has Mumsnet Approved status?

Despair, Tulips. You despair.

I don't think L sounds old-fashioned at all, but that's not the point.

I think I would go with the "known as" option and possibly add M as another middle name if she decides to stick with it. I wouldn't normally argue for having a child known by their middle name but I think L M flows much better than M L.

You could ask for the post that reveals the names in undisguised form to be deleted.

No-ones ever addressed by their first and middle names so how it flows is not important in this instance. How either flows with the surname is more of an issue tbh.

Dispair

I didn't like my name so I changed it. I'd been planning to do so since I was the same age as your DD.

I am sooooooooooo pleased I didn't do so when I was eleven though! I changed it informally in my early 20s and then by statutory declaration a few years later. As a result I do not have the name of the girl I wanted to be when I was in year 7