Unjust custody situation

[Helloworldz87]

What would you do? Long story short. Move in with husband and his family. Naive. Didn't know how controlling they were going to get. Get pregnant early on in the relationship. My father promises to sell his vintage car if we ever need it. Later renegs it. Won't explain why. Gaslights me. After the baby is born. Get Post natal depression. Husband's parents kick us out. Husband loses his job xand I couldn't get work. My parents go overseas for months. My parents eventually get back. My in laws use the legal system against me and file for custody of my daughter. Husband begs me back. Many empty promises of getting custody of my daughter back. Move in with him (without in laws) Many empty promises of getting our daughter back. Marriage becomes financially, emotionally and physically abusive. Move back in with my parents and baby. I feel like such a fool. But don't get any answers as to why my father screwed us over? Apparently if CPS was involved in my daughter case, this would've never happened.

The in laws opened their home, but they completely undermined me from day one. Making sure I didn't bond with her

You can’t change what has happened. You can only change the future. You can’t undo the past. What’s done is done.

what exactly do you want? An apology from your father? Your inlaws? Your dad to give you the money so you can go buy the house and take your daughter and return to your husband and pretend nothing happened? while ever you have this mindset that everyone else is to blame you will never be able to improve your situation. Only you can change it.

No one can give you answers, there may be none to have and no answer is ever goin to make the past less traumatic or change what happened. If the ILs are truly evil people then that's why they did what they did. If your Dad is an abusive narcissist then you know why he acted the way he did and why he's acting the way he is now. Nothing can change the past, but you can change your future. Do you really still want to be here in a decade and missing out with your younger child because you've spent so much of your time and energy stuck in the past? Your family was destroyed and you cant change that, nothing can change that. What you can do is work on moving past it, you can turn your energy and focus to your children, you can build a good life for you and your youngest, you can work on developing a better relationship with your eldest or you can stay here stuck. Its your choice.

Wish I could prevent someone else going through this. I did have a therapist at the time this happened, but they didn't even refer me to social workers that would've prevented this. Still don't get any answers from my mother

I did have a therapist at the time this happened, but they didn't even refer me to social workers that would've prevented this.

Oh, it was their fault, too?

My best advice would be to see your doctor for a psychiatric evaluation. You have very disordered thinking and imo probably need medication and some fairly intense therapy.

You are not the victim here, your child is. And if this thread is any indication, the court did the right thing in terminating your parental rights. Please get help.

Your child was taken away from you as you are An unfit mother. Stop blaming your dad he doesn’t owe you a penny. All you do is repeat the same thing. No one ripped your family apart and if they did it was you. Be glad your daughter is in a home where they protect her, feed her and care for her. Please seek the therapy you need to move on from this. Blaming others isn’t normal

So you did have input from mental health professionals?

Is the same person who you claim misdiagnosed you?
Or is this a second mental health professional? When you claimed you had non?

I bet you do get answers. But it's not fitting your narrative. So it didn't happen. Which, I assume, is how you are viewing this situation. You are just ignoring the bits that don't fit your narrative.

What does it matter? Yes it was a different professional. But they were useless and didn't refer me to the right places

Because earlier in the thread you claimed you didn't have mental health support.

And as the thread has progressed you had at least 2 involved. You claim both were useless and did something wrong. Like you claim anyone involved was useless and didn't something wrong. The only person you think wasn't in the wrong is yourself.

You can't keep up with your own version of the story.

A therapist shouldn't have needed to tell you to involve social services. They will have been involved with your on laws. How do you think your in laws knew how to get the ball rolling on custody? They looked into it. Which you could have also done.

You need to stop this fixation on your father and his car. It's his car and he is allowed to change his mind. Honestly, I was shocked to read your age, you sound like a teenager!

If I put all this information in one post, would anyone actually read it? I doubt it

That's what I was paying the therapist for- to help me. Yet she didn't

We can read all your posts. You said you didn't have any input or support from anyone regards your mental health.

Yet you had someone who assessed and diagnosed you and a personal therapist. So 2 people involved.

What 'help' did you expect from a therapist. It's not a therapist responsibility to make sure you phone social services?

Therapists can't help you, if you can't gave the issue and want to do the work to help yourself.

Again, you seem to think everyone else is at fault. Everybody else should have given you help. Everyone else is the reason you don't have your daughter.

That's what I was paying the therapist for- to help me. Yet she didn't

Assume by therapist you mean psychologist? How did she not help? By not collecting your daughter from in-laws and delivering her to you to solve the issue? By not ringing the relevant Social Services in your State for you and acting on your behalf to solve the issue? None of this is within the remit of their job. Thats not help they can give you.

It would be like me going to a psychologist because I’m upset my cars broken down and I can’t afford to get it fixed and do not know where to get it fixed, so I’m walking everywhere, being late to everything and I’m stressed. Their job is not to tell me where to get funds from, or to Google or ring around car repairers to organise to get my car fixed, or indeed to show me how to Google this. Their only job is to determine why my mind is so muddled that I can’t manage this myself. To see if I’m presenting with something to be diagnosed and/or strategies I can implement to be able to function adequately. And privately, they would likely think to themselves it’s a good thing I don’t have a drivable car while I’m in such a state.

As you continually refuse to accept, there was nothing stopping you from contacting your relevant social services. Their contact details are public, it would have taken a two second Google. Or, how about a lawyer? You say no one helped you, that’s literally their job in this situation (while it is not a therapist/psychologists job). You paid a psychologist seemingly, you had the wherewithal to look up a psychologist, contact them, make a booking, turn up and pay them as you say. So there was nothing stopping you doing exactly the same with a family lawyer for a one off consultation for them to give you the advice and help you needed if you were truly so utterly clueless.

Not bothering to engage with anyone at the time, when all information required to do so was publicly available, is completely on you. It’s not on your parents, it’s not on your in-laws, it’s not on your therapist, it’s not on social services, it’s not on the court. As everyone keeps telling you Social Services MUST have been involved, it’s impossible they were not. They needed to make an independent assessment for the court. You must have either been assessed, or refused to engage with them, or they could not locate you? But then at one point you say you were assessed by a court appointed psychologist which would have been via social services. They obviously felt, at the time, that your child continuing to live with your in-laws was best for your child. If they thought providing g you with supports would have ‘fixed it’ they would have noted and explored that, however they obviously assessed this as not feasible and a court agreed.

As I've said before NO social services were involve!!.I didn't know what I know now because I absolutely would have contacted them ASAP

The psychologist knew I was being abused by my in laws and should've known the right resources for me to contact?! That's their job

No it isnt that is your job live by yourself if everyone around you is bad for you

They're supposed to help though and know the resources to go too

I would have never refused to engage with them. THEY WEREN'T Involved

I am actually willing to do the work myself. I wouldn't waist time and money trying to do therapy for nothing

The psychologist knew I was being abused by my in laws and should've known the right resources for me to contact?! That's their job

They're supposed to help though and know the resources to go too

Thats not their job. Their job is to have you understand you are being abused and to assist you with being able to place boundaries, stand up for yourself, empower you to make your own decisions etc. It’s not to show you how to use Google for a simple matter.

Can you explain why you were able to organise, attend and pay a psychologist, but were not able to simply Google and ring your relevant social services, or consult a family lawyer if someone was refusing to give you your child? It makes no sense. None. Even if you went to the police and said someone was refusing to give you your child, they would have told you to go see a family lawyer or signposted you to legal aid. But you sat there waiting for anyone and everyone else to solve it for you and take zero responsibility.

I would have never refused to engage with them. THEY WEREN'T Involved

You expect everyone to believe, that in Australia, your in-laws just applied to a court to have parental rights removed from yourself and their son and handed over to them legally, with no involvement from your State/Territory social services. And the judge just said yes. That didn’t happen. There has to be a process where the child is represented by social services involvement. Judges don’t just give people custody who make a court application stating parents are unfit. There is a process including independent review to safeguard the child to ensure the court is also taking the child’s best interests into account as well as the ‘wants’ of the people who make the application.

Actually, I’m going to stop posting. Unless you engage in professional assistance for your highly disordered thinking, nothing anyone says here will translate to any rationale thought for you. No one can help you as it stands because you are incapable of accepting any information or truths as you have such a disordered thought process and memories. It’s a colossal waste of time for yourself and everyone else meanwhile.

What did you google specifically, to know what type of help to get?

My results will be slightly different as I am in the Uk.

But googling ‘Australia in laws want custody of my child’ brings up tons of advice and family law specialists.

Funny how you found your way here, set up an account and posted, found mental health professionals, got an autism assessment, pursued other medical assessments for other diagnoses, are convinced if your dad had given you money you could have applied for and got yourself a home, kept up with the bills, home maintenance etc, apparently raise a different child but couldn’t possible work out how to google for some help.