Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

Allstars - I'm so sorry to hear littlestar is putting up so much resistance when s/he should be making his/her big entrance. Sounds like a nightmare. Will keep my fingers crossed for some progress overnight. Or maybe not until morning to let you get some sleep. Will be thinking of you honey.

Please don't apologise for complaining or offloading on here - that is what its here for after all, whichever end of the pregnancy or not you're at. I'm with you on the resentment though. So many complacent joyful pregnancies around. I'm incredibly bitter that I'm not one of them. Seethingly bitter in fact. That's been the one thing I haven't been able to let go of at all - I hope I can one day, but it sure as hell is not going to be any time soon.

But then, looking on the bright side, I reckon you lot are much nicer than the average mumsnetter. I just wish we'd 'met' under different circumstances. Somewhere where we were all wide-eyed and smugly innocent. With our perfect bloody pregnancies and our dismissal of testing as entirely unnecessary. Maybe next time.

Pom poms at the ready sweetie - seems odd to be wishing for the pain to get worse, but I mean it in the best possible way. xxxx

Hi Allstars, it's not self-indulgent, post as much as you want if it helps you. I'm keeping my fingers crossed things will start soon. Having littlestar here will surely make up for it all, but it's so frustrating at the moment.

I know what you mean about resentment, I am only at the beginning of a new pregnancy and extremely grateful to be pregnant again, but every day is a worry, and I am so fearful, so anxious... I have lurked on the pregnancy and ante-natal boards and it's like entering another world...

Anyway, this is not about me, I just wanted to say that I've dusted my pom-poms as well. Maybe if all of us in here cheer littlestar on, s/he will decide to make an appearance soon. xxxx

PS: Mimsy, thinking of you too.

Hi everyone

Allstars - I do hope things go OK today. I thought a show could appear anything up to 3 weeks beforehand, so I'm guessing that isn't of concern to the hospital (though frustrating for you). Dehydration is more worrying to them; I had low amniotic fluid with DS and that's why I had induction in the end. Do try and drink more, then you will know you've done all you can. Re iron, are you taking a liquid iron supplement? I took that AND ate lots of apricots (to help with constipation brought on by taking iron supplement). I know what you mean about the whole anxiety re interventions; if you need support, the NCT have a Pregnancy & Birth Line - 0300 330 0772 (9am to 8pm, Monday to Friday) and they were very helpful when I rang re DS's low amniotic fluid. No-one needs stress like this at the end of their pregnancy . I hope that when it comes to it, even if you are induced, you can know that it was/is the best decision for you and baby and not just that the hospital is ticking boxes and meeting deadlines (that's why we fibbed about the time my waters went, just to take the pressure off). Really hoping it goes well for you and even if not quite what you'd hoped for, can go the best it can in altered circumstances.

Mimsy - thinking of you today, let me know how it goes and if you'd like to meet up later this week. Josie is still sneezing from time to time but apart from occasional grumbly guts she's doing fine.

And thinking of everyone who has scans approaching, I remember being absolutely terrified before scans that I would get bad news or not see a heartbeat. I really hope that things are OK for all who are having scans soon...

Sorry not to write more personals but must get things done before next feed! BF still sore but hopefully improving, touch wood...

xx

Hi everyone, had the scan and everything same as last week - no heartbeat and embryo size 6 weeks (I am 8 weeks today).

So they offered EPRC but I said I would wait it out. I don't mind anaesthetics and operations, it's just that this place doesn't exactly fill me with confidence and I would rather stay at home. My MIL is going to be around to babysit a bit for me during the day so I can rest.

I haven't had any bleeding yet, I hope it happens soon so can get it over with.

Allstars You must be really exhausted. Good luck. I was induced (at T+5) and it wasn't bad. x x x

Oh Mimsy - I'm sorry. I hope 'things' happen quickly for you so you're not in limbo too much longer. I guess you can always change your mind and opt for the ERPC if needs be. I'm so sorry. xxx

Mimsy I'm so sorry. As Poot says I hope that everything moves on for you fairly quickly. Much love xxx

Oh Mimsy, I am sorry, not what you needed right now. Take care of yourself xxxx

Mimsy, I'm so sorry. I'm glad your MIL is able to help out, does she know the reason why? I hope you are getting lots of RL TLC and that your DS is not too tiring... and really hoping that you don't need that ERPC. Sending lots of hugs your way...

Oh Mimsy, I'm sorry things haven't worked out. It does get tedious hearing the same shit news again isn't it? You sound like you are pragmatic about it but it still stinks . I only hope that nature takes it's course soon so you don't have to go for an ERPC.

What I've not been able to get my head around it that if you have an unwanted pregnancy you can take a pill to make you miscarry if you are less than 9 weeks. I don't understand why the only options if pregnancy that is very much wanted doesn't work out are either surgical or waiting for an indeterminate period. Bit baffled as to why they can't prescribe the same medication. I guess there must be a reason otherwise they probably would. Sorry I hope that's not insensitive, it's just been on my mind recently.

Big hugs to you Mimsy, I hope that you and I will get to be 'bump buddies' later in the year!

I'm so sorry Mimsy. I echo the others in that, hopefully things will move along quickly, avoiding ERPC. Thinking of you xxxxx

Mimsy I am really really sorry to hear things have not worked out again. I hope you start bleeding soon and do not require an ERPC. ((Hugs))

Kittens I think some trusts will offer the tablet route. I have thought about this in the past and my cynical brain comes up with no other reason than cost as to why it is not offered routinely.

Numpty Thanks for the NCT number. I am a member but did not know (or forgotten with my pregnant brain) they had a birth line! How is Josie now? Feeling better I hope. Is the feeding getting easier?

Littlepoot your message the other night had me in tears. Thankyou. I have everything firmly crossed for this week.

With regards to me...I went along to hospital to see why things are not happening. Had a scan to check again what is occurring with baby. Turns out he is back to back. Apparently this can cause infrequent painful contractions and means a possibly longer, slower labour. They are happy to let me continue at home as long as I take my iron and promise to drink more. I am now resting on all fours trying to get baby to turn round. On a positive note I can use my TENS for mild pain so coping is easier.

Sorry not to mention everyone. I am thinking of you all. Especially those in the early days. Xx.

Thanks everyone. It feels very odd to be hoping that I start bleeding soon - after spending so long hoping I wouldn't! Strange times.

I nearly asked about medical management, and in fact if nothing has happened in a week, I might do that. I had sort of thought that if nothing has happened by 2 weeks I would have EPRC. I have a feeling it won't come to that though.

Yes my MIL does know, I told her last week after my first scan. I have been telling lots of people this time. I figure it can't be any less isolating that not telling people. I think a few of our friends have been wondering what's going on, so they may as well know now.

LittlePoot good luck for Friday. x

Kittens I am up for being bump buddies. When will you be ready to try again? Have the recurrent MC clinic asked you to hold off until all tests are done? They did me, though acknowledged that at my age, I probably would ignore them (and I did).

Hope Littlestar turns like a good baby and makes it super easy for you Allstars. The TENS was great for me - I used it after the birth as well (my coccyx was badly bruised/broken) and it was brill. I became a little bit addicted to it!

Hi Mimsy, I am so so sorry, and I hope you are okay - you sound so stoic and strong. I hope it all happens naturally... and you can conceive again soon...

Allstars, good luck with trying to get lo to change position and with labour. Pompoms at the ready here too!

Good luck with scans this week for everyone...

I am quiet because I lack time to post but I am lurking and thinking of you all.

Hi all - similar to Cant, am reading and thinking of you all but not much time to post.

Allstars - good luck with changing position of littlestars! At least you now have a plan of action.

Mimsy - I'm really glad your MIL and others are in the know and can give you support.

Josie was better but now has more snuffles, has been feeding lots this evening and unfortunately it is pretty painful again. Was at local library this afternoon and feeding was really tricky. Our normally quiet library was packed due to school holidays and torrential rain and I'm not very blase about flashing my boobs in public whereas Josie was determined to go every which way but onto them...

Fleeting visit to wish you all well, particularly Allstars, so near the end of the journey and also the best of luck to LittlePoot for Friday.

I was so sorry to read your news, Mimsy. I wish things could have been different for you. I hope that things now go as well as possible and that you manage to keep up your strength and resilience. Big hugs.

And love and cuddles to Cant and LittleMissCant and Numpty and Josie. We have the snuffles too. I am dissolving a Karvol (sp?) capsule in water each night and the bedroom smells quite dreadful. But it seems to do the trick for Shangrila jnr.

Good luck to and good news from everyone else!

Hello ladies, a very quick post from me. I just wanted to say to Little Poot that I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, I hope the scan will give you the reassurance you need and deserve so much. xxxx

Altars, the cost thing crossed my mind but surely it's cheaper than paying the surgeon, anesthetic et al?

Mimsy, although the consultant said I could try as soon as I like I think I will wait 'til we get our results. It would be crappy if I was pregnant and then found out that there was a problem which meant it was unlikely to work out again. Only a month to wait now anyway. Having last set of tests and a scan this afternoon.

Sorry, only specific replies again today. It's quite tricky posting from my phone and its damn touch screen key pad! Hope all's well with everyone. Who has scans in the next week or so? Poot, yours is soon isn't it? Have you decided about the CVS?

Hey ladies,
firstly mimsy i'm so so sorry and i hope things move along quickly for you and for what it's worth i think i would have made the same decision just remember that your strong and there will be a next time even though (and believe me i know) it may not feel like it, just go a day at a time and be gentle to yourself.
Allstars it sounds like u have a right little character in there my DS was back 2 back but they didn't work that out till i was about 7cm dialated and i had to lay on my side which made the labour pains worse so i hope littlestar is good for his/her mummy and does as it's told, and also if it helps i had DS naturally at term+8 and they were going to induce me at term+9 i think he thought 'bugger that, alright i'll come out i'll come out!'.
As for me i am spending most of my days with my head down the loo! yes the morning all day long sickness has kicked in with a vengance i'm living off of jacobs cream crackers and flat coke (don't know why it works but it does) i've never been ill this early with DS1 it wasn't till 8wks and with Liam i had absolutely nothing till 12wks, maybe it's a good sign that all is well?.
Had my booking in on tues which went well i have the same mw that i had with DS1 and she remembered me and couldn't believe how big he was now! also had a very lovely student mw with her, and i got the same consultants i had with Liam which i'm pleased about i have my 1st scan on the 31st of Aug so keep your fingers and toes x'ed for me! Coffee do i remember you saying you had your booking in today? if so hope all goes well.
Feeling naucious again now so must dash
Love to all XxDMxX

Yes, booking in appointment today. Same midwife, same room even as the first time. I wanted to ask her to go in another room, but then realised it's not the room which will make (or not) a difference. Anyway, I was on the verge of tears, then remembered that no matter how hard it was, it would have been harder not to be in a position to book in at all...

I'm not feeling very optimistic about this pregnancy though. I am discouraged and have a very negative attitude. I just can't believe I will be lucky so easily, without any further loss. The mw said that of course there is no guarantee, but it really does look like a one-off... good to hear, but hard to believe.

Anyway, no moaning allowed, and I really feel lucky even to know I can apparently conceive easily. It's just that all this anxiety overwhelms me sometimes and it's good to talk about it.

Drama, your sickness really sounds nasty, I hope it will ease off soon.

Kittens, your decision makes sense, even if a month can feel like a lifetime it's better to have all the facts I think.

Little Poot, I hope you managed to find some distraction and time will pass quickly. I am really not the best person to offer any words of advice, as I am neurotic myself at the moment, but we're here.

Mimsy, how are you?

Coffee - sympathies for having to book in with the same mw in the same place; I know it isn't the people/place that will make the difference but it IS hard to be so directly reminded of what happened before, when you were in a very different frame of mind. I was very glad that I was booking in at a different hospital, but I still found it difficult. Not much time to post, but it IS hard to believe that things will go well until you have reached various milestones, and have 'proof' of a kind you trust before you can believe the eventual outcome will be OK. Just keep marking those milestones, keep finding ways to get through the days, and we'll be here with you to help.

Drama - glad your booking in went OK too; will def keep fingers x'd for 31st Aug.

And for LittlePoot tomorrow, and Gina for next week...

Catlady - no posts from you for a while, hope all OK. Ditto to those who are TTC/IVF (Popsy and Allways?).

and Kittens, hoping those tests/scans can point to a way forwards for you.

Hope Shangrila jnr gets better soon. We've not resorted to Karvol etc yet, as breathing is OK, it's just the wind/gripes... so am doing a little massage/bicycling legs (hers, not mine!) to help relieve it. Think it's milk time... xx

Hi everyone, just checking in briefly - I'm feeling so nauseous at the moment I can barely look at a computer screen! DH is away tonight so I'm taking myself off to bed now with a glass of milk and some digestives, will write a proper message in the morning (on work time of course .

Love to all xx

Lots of sickness here - all good, Catlady and Drama!

Coffee, I rather dramatically changed hospital after my second loss, firstly to be at the place where the experts and expert equipment was, but secondly because I knew I could never, ever again face the sonographer who bluntly told me my baby had 'serious problems' at the anomaly scan and then ran away ostensibly to find the consultant who was then obliged to spell out what that meant. The man didnt have the grace to even offer me a tissue before he ran away muttering that I needed to see a consultant. All he said was 'with your history this looks very bad indeed' or something akin and vanished. Part of me wanted, wants, to report him so he learns some human skills. Another part remembers that the poor woman sonographer who did my horrendous nuchal scan in the previous pregnancy, and who was humane, still felt brutal in her explanations, so there's no good way of telling these things. Anyway though I did return to rooms I'd sat in before, and places of horror, but I also returned to places I'd been when I had DD, and that helped, oh and you just get on with it, in a sort of haze, well I did. And you will. Please don't lose faith.

Numpty, loving the story of little Josie exposing you in the library. When Babycant was a few weeks old, she hadnt fed for AGES and we were in Costa Coffee, and I needed to feed her as we were then leaving on a relatively long journey... anyway I tried to force her to eat and she just wouldn't, and half the coffee shop was watching me struggle to latch her on. Forcefeeding.

I recommend the Breastvest - google them - they're fab for discreet bf.

LittlePoot, I have everything crossed for you for tomorrow.

Gina, is your scan tomorrow too or have I hallucinated that?

PS Numpty, I'd like to send you a message - but you don't receive CAT? Could you change your options so I can CAT you?

Thanks.

Can't - I think I've sorted it but not sure; do I have to subscribe to be able to receive CAT?

Breastvest looks quite handy, thanks for the tip. The thing I really need is good 'voluminous' tops to go over the vests, I've only got about 4 tops that work well just now and I'm getting a bit tired of them!

Off to bed... xx

Hi ladies, it might be my last post for 2 weeks, we're off on holiday tomorrow morning and I can't wait. I'll pop in later to see if there is any news from Little Poot. Also Gina, I won't be here on Monday, but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you from the other end of the country.

It seems that the booking-in affected me more than I thought, as I spent all evening in tears. Anyway, I strangely slept very well, and the consequence today is that I don't feel nauseous at all, which of course is freaking me out!

Cantdo, I understand about changing hospitals. Although for me it's completely different, it seems. It's weird,I had sworn I'd never see the professor who diagnosed us again. He just seemed so brutal, as you say, so blunt, lacking empathy. But then, when we had the meeting with him to discuss the pm findings, he was completely different. He explained everything in great detail, he asked me how I was feeling, and he told us he is happy to scan me in a future pregnancy. Also he did say he is very confident things will go well, but that he will check thoroughly for other abnormalities as well, as sometimes something unrelated seems to come up. I really did appreciate him saying this. Although it might seem strange, the fact that he didn't brush off my worries with a "oh, you'll be fine " attitude was reassuring. The risk of recurrence is very very low, but I know it's real, and I'm not fooling myself. Anyway, the idea is that if I get to 17 weeks, I'll see him again, although the thought feels me with dread.

Numpty, I'm glad Josie is feeling better and I hope she is not in too much pain because of the trapped wind.

Catlady, your nausea sounds horrific too, although I guess it is reassuring at the same time. I remember you have your first scan one week ahead of me? Or was it after me? Mine is on the 16th of August. Part of me still doesn't think I'll get that far, although I have no reason to believe I won't, except for symptoms disappearing every now and then.

Allstars, I hope everything is going well and littlestar was good and turned the right way.

Right, I'd better go and do some work. Much love to you all lovely ladies, and "see" you in August now! xxxx