Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

Great news Gina and welcome to the world Alexander Charles! I'm sure he will fill out in no time.

It's tough when they need phototherapy. All you want to do is cuddle your baby and they're stuck under that horrid lamp. Makes establishing feeding so much harder, really glad to hear Alexander is starting to feed.

We went through almost a week of this when DD was born and the endless syringing and expressing, finger feeding, attempting BF etc was exhausting. Sounds like you're doing brilliantly. Hopefully the jaundice will clear quickly and you'll be out of there soon.

It's so reassuring to read about others' toddler challenges! DD has been tricky these last two days. Bedtime and naptime have been An Issue. She has always gone to bed without a fuss so this is a bit of a shock! I gave up on her nap today for the first time, after 40 minutes of manhandling her back into bed so we just sat on the sofa all afternoon and watched Ben and Holly ...

Hi to everyone,haven't posted much due to internet problems.

Congratulations to Gina!

I've now reached 8w3d and am counting the days and half days one by one. I had a private scan last week and all was ok, though there was a couple of anxious minutes when it looked to me as though the sac was empty but the sonographer was just having a few problems finding it due to my retroverted uterus. It took about 2 hours to get my stress levels down.

The nuchal scan is now looming on the horizon. I did think that I would be scanned this time by a doctor following a previous T21 pregnancy but was told at my booking-in appt that it would still be done by a soographer. What are other people's experiences of this?

Hi,
some of you may remember me from last year...I vanished off mumsnet after moving to scotland, and being kind of forced to try and leave behind all the trauma of losing my two babies.
Anyway, we had fertility problems and had all but given up on success, but I am now 5 weeks pregnant. It feels very selfish to be posting here, when I see so many other names who continue to offer support to newbies.
I long to be happy about pregnancy but it has just struck me that it is probably doomed. We were given a 1:50 chance of having another baby with an abnormality by the geneticist, which at tyhe time seemed like good news...
In scotland nuchal screening isn't offered, and we are instead expected to go straight for CVS at 11 weeks, with all the miscarriage risks that brings. the idea of going through CVS, the wait to possibly miscarry, the 2 week wait (no early results here) for results. I just don't know how to go through all that again. There just isn't an easy option. I feel stupid for having entered into this (and being so desperate to get here.) I think we can book a private nuchal scan - but would they be done by as qualified staff? It feels wrong to go straight for a dangerous test. We decided last time not to terminate again for Down's. (he had edwards). Third time lucky, or will this one be the hat trick and have Patau's. I feel so negative about this and have no-one to talk to about it - new friends here are too 'new', and talking on the phone just isnt the same. DH is not good at this, and my mum just feels we shouldn't have tried again.

to end on a better note...
It is very nice to see some familiar names who have had positive news and healthy babies expected or delivered! congratulations xx

Ha ha - the toddler saga's. My two are 4 and 2 (3 next month) and my youngest is a nightmare at the moment. Doesn't help that they have been shovelled chocolate for the last 3 weeks (by the grandparents I might add), so bad time is horrific, the 'I want's are out of this world and using the toilet out of the house - or not peeing in her knickers outside - is a no-no. Back to nappies we go, grr!
My eldest is a dream but I remember her being at this stage not too long ago. My SIL looked at me in awe today and said I had the patience of a saint. Ah, her son is 9 months, I looked back at her and said, you have all this to come, mwah hahaha!

Gina, I hope Alex is off the phototherepy soon. I worked on a maternity unit for 6 years and was always sad to see the little ones under a lamp, or in the glow worm suits. First few weeks are exhausting but as you say, totally worth it.

Cherrybug - keeping my fingers crossed for you! Hopefully you will get some good news this week. I am still just under 2 weeks till testing and have convinced myself that my swollen tum must be due to a baby growing (and ignoring the bin full of empty sweet/cake/junk food wrappers).

Eavers, glad the scan went well. Over one hurdle and straight on to the next. I have no experience to offer, sorry. But sonographers are experts in their field, a doctor can only offer their services after a diagnosis. I know that when out time comes again that I will be terrified about every appointment, Im already dreading the nuchal scan and Im not even pregnant yet!
I will be thinking of you and will keep my fingers crossed that all is well.

I hope everyone else is doing ok? Happy New Year and may 2011 be our year

Should say BED time is horrific, just goes to show how awful it is if Im subconsciously calling it bad time!

Babylily, Im so sorry to hear of your losses. I joined about 4 months ago. Please dont feel selfish, it is very hard in RL to hold down your emotions and be strong enough to support others, I only come on here when I feel I have the strength to.

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy! I live in England so cant offer advice on screening, but I am sure you can have it done privately, if not in Scotland then certainly in England.

I had a CVS with our DD who had HLHS and Turners, and had it done at 12 weeks. I bled heavily for about 6 hours shortly after, but I didn't lose her. The hospital said it was unusual to bleed so much but she was fine and kicking away at the scan 2 days later. I can understand your anxiety about the CVS and think you should see your GP to explain your situation regarding your chances for abnormalities, anybody could understand why you are worried about the risks with CVS. You could ask your Doctor if the CVS could be delayed a few weeks or opt for an Amnientosis instead, I think that is done around 16 weeks? But I think the risks of miscarriage are similar to the CVS.

Im sorry you feel so alone, but you will find a huge amount of support on here - as you already know. It is human nature to want to have children, and so cruel that it isn't that straight forward.

Im sorry I cant offer any real advice. Hopefully one of the ladies on here can help more. x

Babylily - regarding the private screen, I am sure it is the same as in England, you need to be fully trained and qualified with degrees etc to be a sonographer, private or NHS. You can always enquire at the hospital/clinic of choice

Just a v quick reply to BabyLily as DD's not sleeping well so I'm late for bed. Congratulations to you, though I know as everyone else here does, it is a bittersweet terrifying moment getting that faint line on the pg test.

Re nuchal scans, please do check with the fetal medicine unit at your hospital; when I was pregnant with Iola (in Glasgow) they had stopped offering routine nuchal scans at my hospital; instead her Patau's was picked up because it was very obvious at my 13wk booking scan. The fetal medicine unit thereafter was great and when I fell pregnant again, I was given a nuchal scan which apparently they DO offer to women with previous history such as ours. I was also given another detailed scan at 18wks.

Otherwise as Natz says, you can get a private nuchal scan - my brain has gone blank but I know it is available in Glasgow and could check for you if you want to know more. However I'd check with NHS first and let them know the odds you were quoted.

Sorry to post and run but I'm not expecting a lot of sleep tonight; I can only think that it's weaning-related. DD's probably having nightmares about broccoli...

Babylily - I'm sorry to hear of your losses and hope that this pregnancy is indeed 3rd time lucky for you. To be told that you shouldnt have tried again just shows an inability to understand the pain of losing a baby and the strong need to try again. My mum told me I should wait a while before trying again and shouldnt rush into it. I sense a couple of other family members feel the same. I'm completely ignoring them! Anyway wanted to let you know, I'm based in Edinburgh and was told at my follow up appointment after losing my baby girl that should I get pregnant again I would be able to have a early scan at around 7-8 wks, followed by nuchal scan + blood test at 12wks (despite this not being routinely offered on NHS here) and then an early anomoly scan at around 18 wks. I can also have an amnio or CVS if I wish (though I was also told that risk of miscarriage with CVS in that hospital was 1 in 50 which has really made me worry should I be faced with that decision in the future). They told me that if I get pregnant I should contact the fetal medicine unit directly and ask to be put on the consultant obstetricans scan list. I'm unsure if this means she would do the actual scan or if it would be a sonographer but either way the pregnancy would be led by the fetal medicine team rather than community midwife led. I do know there is a private place in Edinburgh which offers Nuchal scanning and we would be fully prepared to go there if for any reason we werent going to get it on the NHS. Glasgow will offer the same though I'm unsure about other areas of Scotland. Anyway as Numpty says, I would definately contact the local fetal medicine unit and see what they say.

Natz - I hope my toddler turns into a saint when's shes a bit older! I cant imagine it at the moment - talk about strongwilled. I sympathise with the toilet issues, it's a complete frustration at times. Anyway good luck during your 2wk wait and fingers crossed its your month. I'm having distinct AF symptoms today and so am not so hopeful now but will test tomorrow if she doesnt arrive by then.

Eavers - glad your private scan went well despite a scary moment. As if it wasn't terrifying enough! But moving forwards to the nuchal scan - I hope it's very straightforward and reassuring for you.

Numpty - hope you got some sleep last night!

Love to everyone else.

BabyLily so sympathise with you. After my experiences I insisted on seeing the consultant and having consultant based care including scans. The receptionists were not at all pleasant about it but the consultant himself was pleasantness itself and agreed that I could have all of my care with him if that was what I wanted and paid for. I really would organise a nuchal scan privately or south of the border if you can ... going straight to a CVS is so emotionally demanding.

Gina fingers crossed Alex can come out from under the lights soon. DS was jaundiced but it was summer and they just said stick him by the window and it sorted itself, but still worrying. I am sure you are still just overjoyed to see him there and I am so happy for you.

I'm so glad I'm not just a rubbish toddler mum and there are so many of us unable to get out of the door, or get DC out of nappies and into big bed. Sometimes I feel parenting is the thing I've tried hardest at and yet made the most mistakes with. I'm still enjoying my toddler free week and I mean ENJOYING it. Whenever I speak to mum DS is in the background chatting away perky as you like. Obviously it's good for both of us. Going to get him tomorrow. Not that I don't miss him, but I'm feeling and looking a lot more rested after a week off.

Natz don't mention the words Potty Training ...AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. It's not going well for us and I am a bit despairing. And I'm a wimp. I lose my temper too quickly because DS knows to go on the potty and some days he will but other days for no reason I'll find him in a corner peeing in his lego or something and then I'll lose it and put a nappy on. It's too frustrating and certain I will never get there. I keep telling myself there are very few 6 year olds in nappies but then get the FEAR that I might land up with the exception. I laugh hysterically when I consult Gina Ford's "potty training in one week". Like H*ll.

Catlady our bed transition also went well, only to be followed by a few days when DS was BOLD and kept getting up. We ignored him as the more we went in and put him back to bed, the happier he was. One evening we thought he had gone to bed and all was well and when we went up to bed at 11pm found him in the corner of our room fiddling with plugs, unabashed. I got the fright of my life when this head rose up from beside the bed.

Best to all and hope everyone is doing well.

I was potty training dd2 who was then 2.4 when I had my first termination. She used to be dry but would poo anywhere. mostly in her pants but if none were on then just anywhere - no shame at all - we still talk about the 'lost' poo (luckily that was at my friend's house). One of the ways I took it easy on myself after a month or so of this was to give up and stick her back in nappies. Tried again when she was 3 and it was all fine.

Rachel I know quite a few 5 year olds who are in nappies at night, it's no big deal. I don't know any 35 year olds though! They do all get there in the end...Not even considering doing ds until summer, he was 2 in sept.

Xmas always completely undoes anything behaviourwise and ds is not doing well on the sleeping front. An hour and a half of ds jumping on our heads led dh to drive to the allnight garage for milk (at 4am) in desperation. usually a really gd sleeper (well for the last 4 months or so) keeps announcing he's a 'bit scared' also but I think that's to do with ghostbusters.

Gina, I hope the feeding goes well. i know some brilliant and successful women who have found that it's the only thing they have given up on. I've never been very good at it and had a similar start to you (without the jaundice, just the cup feeding no latching on bit etc). It's worth persevering and gets much much easier. Good luck! x

Babylily - so sorry for your losses. I don't post that often on these boards, i understand why you disapeared off mumsnet, sometimes reading about others' experiences brings it all back when you would sometimes just rather forget about it.

In my last post i mentioned that a sonographer rather than a doctor would be doing my nuchal scan. I wasn't particularly happy with this so have just phoned the screening coordinator midwife (who helped with my CVS last summer and gave me the results that it was positive for downs over the phone). I just happened still to have her number. She said she will arrange for a consultant to do the nuchal scan and prior to this they will do a dating scan so that they can decide on the best date to do the nuchal scan.

I feel a lot happier about this, with my history i should be having additional monitoring. Am also annoyed though that I only got this because I pushed and managed to get hold of the right person.

Hi Babylily, sorry for not acknowledging your post. i had been scanning and had read it as good news entirely. i have just reread it and realise you are worried. I would have thought you would get a nuchal privately fine. Eavers, i have always found sonographers good at doing scans and both my babies with problems have been picked up well by them. Better go as at work happy new year all. Babylily I hope your fears are wasted and at your mum but my dad also has a strong opinion about what i should do. Its not helpful. xx

Caved in and went and bought a test. BFN. So looks like AF is on the way and my cycle is just still out of whack. I used to be like clockwork too. Hope it hurries up. :(

Oh Cherrybug, Im sorry. Here's to next month x

Wow, congrats Gina! Lovely name. Good luck with the feeding. I guess as he was early and little, they are keeping a good eye on him. But what a fab labour, and you must be still in shock!

Hi everyone else. Not much time to post. Just wanted to reiterate that I was automatically referred to fetal medicine, and consultant-led, straight away. I think anyone who isn't, needs to push for it, at least for the nuchal stage.

Good luck with those approaching scans, and with those whose due dates draw near. And even more luck to those of you TTC.

thanks everyone for your replies.I visited my GP today,armed with a bit more knowledge of what can be available in scotland (thanku for that numptymum and cherrybug) and he says he thinks they should be able to arrange a nuchal scan and early bloods for me given my previous history
. I spoke to the hospital and have been given an appointment for an early scan at 7 weeks, and will see the midwife and consultant at hospital at 8 weeks. Feel reassured that i am not being treated as having a normal pregnancy (much as I wish that was the case), and that i am not just going to be expected to have a CVS.
Trying to be positive and think that it can't possibly happen to us three times. Will be wishing away the next 2, 3 and 6 weeks...
xx

Thats good to hear Babylily, I hope this offers you some reassurance and helps you get through the next lot of milestones.
Let us know how you get on. We are all here to hold your hand through the worrying times. I will be thinking of you and hope the weeks pass happily and quickly xx

Babylily- glad you are getting the extra care that you need. It's a bit annoying that we have to be pushy to get the treatment we should get in the first place.

I'm having a dating scan tomorrow (that I had to push for)so that they can determine the best date to do the nuchal scan on. I'm going on my my own, dh has just started a new job 80 miles away from home so he cant take any time off.

I know it's only a dating scan but I had one around this time in a previous pregnancy and it was a mmc, so am pretty nervous. Though my already expanding waistline must count for something!

eavers, good luck for tomorrow. Hope you get a good clear look of a strong little babe, and get the definite date when they can do the nuchal.
I will be in the same boat when I go for my 7 wk early scan next week - dh can't get the time off work, so I will be on my own too. I know I will cry, memories of scans a year ago, and the uncertainty of those still ahead.
Wishing the weeks away for us, and praying for low low nuchals, low risk bloods, and no need for invasive testing...

Let us know how you get on. x

Eavers, wishing you luck for today. Everything crossed for you here xx

Babylily, it's so lovely to see you here. I have thought about you, as I'm sure have others. Never feel you're being selfish - everything turning out for me has made it easy for me to stick around. Can't say whether I would have if it didn't. We well understand your fears here, and how so much of the happiness that usually comes with pregnancy seems to be out of reach (for a time anyway). Glad you've managed to arrange additional scans. Wishing you a boringly normal pregnancy this time xx

Mimsy, I hope you're family & friends live safely out of the flood zones. DH is working up that way at the moment, in a safe area but (stupidly) had to cross flooded roads to get there. Not long til your trip home now xx

Sorry, must cut post short as Bella's a bit whingey (?sp); teething I suspect.

Good luck to the TTCers, and love to those with bumps and babies xxx

Ps. Gina, I hope your enjoying lots of cuddle time with Alex

eavers - good luck for today, I know it will be nerve-wracking but I hope that you will leave reassured and with a date/doctor for your nuchal scan. Same goes for Babylily next week - it's really hard going on your own. When I was pregnant with DD there was only one time I had to go on my own, and I was in bits. We'll be wishing you onwards.

'Fraid I'm also going to post and run - DD's sleep has been terrible the last week or two, probably due to weaning, so I'm hoping to catch up while DS is at nursery this morning. Gina - I hope you are having good cuddles with Alexander and managing to get some rest yourself to recover from your fast labour.

Good to hear from you Mishtabel - hope your DH stays safe from floods.

xx

Eavers - just a very quick note to say I hope today's scan goes well. It must be very difficult to go alone but I hope you are looked after well and come out with a smile on your face.

Love to everyone else.

Hi everyone, a quick post for me too today. First of all, good luck to eavers for today, it must be so hard going on your own. We'll be hand holding in here though.

Babylily, I remember you well from last year, from the sister thread. I'm so happy to see you here now. The only way I could go through the first trimester this time was to block out I was pregnant, not allowing myself to think about it. I just tried not to eat the "forbidden" foods and I took my vitamins, and of course the morning sickness was a reminder, but I didn't allow myself to project into the future. I actually didn't think about this baby as being real until after the anomaly scan.

Gina, I hope the jaundice has cleared and you can now cuddle Alex as much as you want.

Hello to everybody else, I have to run now but I'm thinking of you all even if I don't have much time to post these days.xxxx

PS: We have our NHS antenatal class this Saturday, can you suggest any good questions? I have a list already but I'm not sure I won't forget something important.