Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

Gina, this is wonderful news, and having a sympathetic mw is so important. Also, it's great she found the heartbeat, how far along are you, is it 9/10 weeks? Last time my mw didn't want to try and find it until 16 weeks.

Like you, I will not be reassured until the anomaly scan, but I don't dare think so far. I know a lot of things are seen at 12 weeks, and this is my first milestone. Or maybe the 8 week scan, if I decide to go for one next week.

Poot, thank you for your kind words, you described exactly my feelings (and everyone else's, I'm sure). It helps to know all this is normal, and I am not going mad. There is no way we can not worry, but sharing these worries gives strength, somehow. And I'm sure that if we are lucky and get a healthy baby at the end of this all the worries will not seem important anymore.

Hi Coffee I'm 9+4 so not that far ahead of you! I have to say my MW really was lovely, She did warn me that she might not find the heartbeat but was willing to try if it would help put my mind at rest! She was thrilled herself when she found the heart beat, especially as it was going like the slappers!! It was very reassuring!

You are right about constant worries! I think the only way to get through it, like you say, is to reach each check point. I would go for a scan at 8 weeks if you can, its good to get the reassurance when you need it or the worries will just niggle at you constantly over and over....

oooops I meant of course going like the clappers.....

Talking about baby brain

Past 4pm and my brain is mush!!! !!

Coffee -I'm with you too, i know exactly what u mean about not letting yourself get exited i'm doing the same thing every time i remember i'm pg i get a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach and have to quickly douse it with water because i don't want to get my hopes up only for them to tell me something is once again wrong with my baby. Love the baby brain too i tried putting the shopping away the other day and ended up nearly putting the butter in the freezer!?! (here we go again)
I woke up feeling queasy this morning but don't know if it's hormones or the fact i have a headache and stuffed up synuses because DP has the fan going by the bed all night cause he gets too hot (apparently my temp is similar to that of a volcano during a full scale eruption) i did point out that i'm heating 2 people what does he expect?

Katie hope the move is going well!

Gina That is fantastic news about the heartbeat! and it's so lovely to have a supportive MW i had a really good one last time but don't know if i'll have her again guess i'll just have to wait and see! you , coffee and i are all one after the other (although i'm trailing behind a little bit) i'm 5wks tomorrow, and i know what u mean about the 20 wk mark too thats all i'm aiming for...well depending on how my bloods come back cause then i may opt for a cvs but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Hope everyone else is well, lots of love Drama XxXxXxX

ps: Gina, going like the slappers??? LMAO!

slappers.........

Oh dear! my baby brain has well and truly kicked in! I'm sure I read that over a few times before posting too!!

Quick post from me, but Little Poot, Coffee, and all those finding that the excitement of early pregnancy has been spoilt by the sadness and anger about what has happened before - I found that I did start to enjoy the pregnancy, and have some of the more "normal" hopes and daydreams, but it did happen much later than it had in the first pregnancy. Initially I thought that after the 12 week scan (that was when we received our diagnosis with our first pregnancy) that I would be able to relax, enjoy it, and start telling a few people. Instead, I found that I was still anxious, still not willing to share with more than a few very close friends who knew what had happened before. I even booked in a private scan at 16 weeks as I needed to tell my colleagues why I wasn't drinking at our Xmas party - I had the scan, all was fine, but yet I still couldn't bring myself to tell them. It was only, finally, after the 20 week scan, and as the bump started to show undeniably at around 22/23 weeks, that I finally spread the news more widely. I think it was about the same time that my own defences started to allow me to finally relax, and I did largely enjoy the second half of the pregnancy - huge bump and swollen ankles notwithstanding...

I hope that once you get past your own milestones, that you will somehow find the ability to relax (never 100% of course, but enough) and enjoy the amazing thing happening to you like I was eventually able to.

Kate x

Hi Kate, for me it will be 21 weeks as well, this is when my baby's abnormalities were picked up. The 12 week scan was perfect (1:36.000 - can yo believe that?!) so I thought it would be plain sailing from then on (how stupid it all sounds now).

Anyway, it's good to know there will still be enjoyment, although the innocence has gone forever.

It's been an eventful day here. I had my GP appointment and based on my dates my due date would be 4 March - I can't even start to think about this yet, it's such early days. I'll have my booking in appointment as soon as possible, they don't want to wait until 10 weeks, and I already have a date for the nuchal scan: 16 August. I'll have it locally, as the professor at St. George's is not available then, but if all goes well he will do my 17 and 21 weeks scans. My GP was very positive, so was the antenatal screening coordinator who arranged my scan - I would be too if I didn't know how easily things can go wrong.

Anyway, I even hesitate writing about it, as if only acknowledging all this would bring bad luck. To think I was the least superstitious person! I'll go and hide my head in the sand a bit more.

PS: Drama, I was actually cold last night... As for the warm feeling, I only have that in the morning, before I wake up completely. As if I forgot I am pregnant during the night and it's too early for the daily worries to kick in, so there are a few seconds of joy.

How are you all doing? Coffee, interestingly my risk with Babycant was 1 in 36000 (nearly 37000). Meaningless in a way given that the nuchal/bloods can't test for presence or absence of kidneys but good as I'd also had a baby with chromosomal abnormality and a DIRE nuchal. A good nuchal/bloods is no guarantee, as we know, but at least it allows hope and that everything is as good as it can be at this particular stage. God, it's such a difficult road to travel. But worth it... I am thinking of all you pregnant ones and your little babies, and wishing for them all to be very healthy.

Good to hear from you Kate - your DS sounds lovely. Glad bf is sorted.

Numpty, how are you doing? And how is baby Josie?

News from here is that DD1 is more or less potty trained. Yay, no more two-in-nappies. And I successfully fought off a blocked duct so haven't had another bout of mastitis...

Kittens, how are you?when are your tests beginning?

Evening all. Sorry for lack of messages and short message now - work network rubbish and not letting me mumsnet!! Very quickly - kittens, how did your appointment go - today wasn't it??? Hope you're ok honey. xxx

Hello all. Yes, my appointment was today. It was ok, fairly brief but the consultant was really sweet. It was mostly blood tests for chromosome problems and clotting issues. I only realised when I got home that I didn't remember him saying anything about immunity to the foetus which I've also read about but I forgot to bring it up. I have another appointment in 6 weeks for a scan to make sure my uterus is the right shape and pointing the right way and in the meantime I will have more blood tests for hormones and egg reserves when I get my period. I won't have any blood left by the end of it all, they've taken 9 vials already! All quite baffling anyway. We'll see. He did explain that more often than not it's nothing more than bad luck. Oh, and old age .

When I asked him if the tests going on for 6 weeks or so whether I should hold off on trying agin and he said no. So I guess it's business as usual, weeing on the green sticks again for a bit! Scary stuff though!

I hope all you pregnant ladies are dealing with the heat, it must be pretty rough for you! And probably not such a picnic for the newborns either.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Kittens, mixed news then... I guess the encouraging thing is that they will monitor you so closely this time. It doesn't take away the fear of trying again, and I think you are so brave and so together. How is your dp coping with it all? Does he want to try again? Sending you a hug xxxx

Cantdo, so good to hear from you (not meant this to rhyme). Great achievement with the potty-training, I am sure it makes a huge difference having only one of them in nappies. Long way to go for little miss Cantdo though And well done with the blocked duct, this sounds painful.

I think I decided not to go for an early scan. I am chickening out and now that I have an appointment for the 12-week one, I think I will just stick to that one. Maybe it's because I was planning to go for the early scan a few days before going on holiday for 2 weeks, and I need a holiday so much, I'd rather not have possibly worrying news before that. If something bad happened or will happen, I will know soon enough, and even if all is well, it would be too early for a scan to pick up anything and it wouldn't be reassuring anyway.

How is everyone? Crazycat, are you ok? Poot, more gardening this week-end? Also hi to Gina and Drama, and of course to Numpty and baby Josie - let us know how you are when you have a chance to post, no rush though. xxxx

Hi everyone, sorry for the silence. My symptoms keep coming and going and I'm living in sheer terror. Desperate for an early scan but my scan date came through from St Thomas's and it's not until 19 August which puts me well over 13 weeks. DH is going to call and speak to the sonographer we saw last time as she indicated we'd get in early with any future pregnancies. Too scared to even think about it tbh.

Kittens it sounds like the consultant is being fairly thorough. All sounds a bit baffling but I hope it's somewhat of a relief to finally be seen. I hope they are able to find some answers for you.

Coffee I'm glad you've come to a comfortable decision re the scans. Holidays are so important. Where are you off to?

Cantdo - great news on the potty training! How old is your DD? Mine is 18 months and I hadn't even thought about training yet, but she's keen to sit on the potty and knows to wipe with loo roll etc, it's just the actual weeing bit she hasn't done yet!

lots of love to everyone xx

Can I just have a quick moan about the heat? Arrrrrrggghhhhhhh!!!

That feels better.

It's 32.7 degrees and there is nowhere in London to escape it, except perhaps Waitrose... I felt so sick after my tube journey home last night it was just dire!

Hello kittens - it does sound like they're being pretty thorough and presumably you can ask about the immunity thing next time you go. When you do next get pregnant, are there hormonal tests or anything they can do in the early days? Was it mishtabel who said she had hormone injections in the early days with Bella? Great that you're in the system and being looked after.

Coffee - I think you made a good decision to avoid an early scan. I almost said the other day that I'm not sure I'd recommend them - it was nice to get some reassurance at the time, but the stress leading up to it was immense, and the reassurance wears off after a couple of days. On the other hand, crazycat - you sound like you're stressing enough without one so I hope you get to have an earlier appointment. With my last pregnancy, I had a bit of trouble getting the early scan - they weren't being very sympathetic so I kind of had to pester them until they gave in. This time, my midwife actually booked it for me to save me the hassle, so maybe ask her if DH doesn't get any joy?

I'm just 13 days away from the nuchal, and can feel the blood pressure rising already. I've also got a cvs booked in as a precaution on the Monday - not sure yet what will and won't make me want to use it. Unfortunately, the bloods to go with the nuchal take a few more days to come through - not sure why they can't just take the blood a few days earlier. But Mondays is the only day the consultant who did my last cvs does them. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what the nuchal looks like then decide whether to wait for the bloods or not. Not looking forward to it, that's for sure....

Too hot to garden today so I'm mainly indoors today. Hopefully it'll cool off a bit tomorrow. xxxxx

Hi Poot, roasting isn't it?

Gosh it really isn't long until your nuchal scan. I really hope the next 13 days go quickly for you. It's amazing how time can grind so excrutiatingly slowly.

I think (and I could be wrong) that in order for the combined test to be accurate they have to do the measurement and the bloods on the same day so they can be sure the hormone levels and nuchal fold measurement calculation is accurate. Three days seems long though, I think ours are done in about 20 mins, then you go through for the scan. Cripes, am terrified already, I can only imagine how you're feeling.

I won't get a call from a midwife until after I've had my nuchal scan. Sadly that's the way they do it round here so I'm pretty much on my own. The FMU staff at St Thomas's are brilliant though, and I'm kind of hoping they'll remember us as it wasn't that long ago, and I was a blubbering, sobbing wailing wreck last time I was there.

Am slouching about in the cellar where it's cool... just hoping to avoid spiders... going to do a raindance later xx

Yeah - I've no idea how it takes so long to get the results. The hospital has only just started offering the combined test at all (had to go private the first time), so I suppose they're still working it out. I'm swinging between thinking I should go for the CVS anyway because there's always a '1' no matter how big the odds, and thinking I'd be crazy to risk it for anything better than about 1:500. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. x

I'm indoors as well, we actually went shopping this morning and I was getting uncomfortable, quite dizzy. Much better now.

Crazycat, I would panic as well if my symptoms disappeared, but I remember they did come and go with my first pregnancy. It's so hard, isn't it? Just a bit earlier I was having some cramps and of course started to think about the worst.

I am so surprised they won't give you an early scan. If your dh doesn't have any luck persuading them, can you maybe go to an early pregnancy unit where you don't need a referral? I know for some of them you do, but St George's said they don't and I'm sure the are not the only ones. It's a bit weird how antenatal care is so different depending on where you live, I was specifically told to make an appointment with a mw before going for the 12-week scan. That's when they do the first bloods and give you your notes. It's so rubbish you have to fight to see someone, I would have thought that with your history they would have been more sympathetic.

Poot, 13 days is a long time when you are anxious. You know we're in here to hold your hand... I know there is nothing anyone can say to make it easier, but it helps to talk about your fears. We all take turns to do this, and there is always someone around to listen.

About your CVS, I think it's great you have it booked, but as you say maybe you have a great result and they will reassure you, no need to make a decision now.

Regarding the bloods they take for the combined test: at my local hospital, it also takes a couple of days for the results to come through, because they are sending the samples away, they don't do them locally. x

Hello all - if you want to avoid the heat, head north - Crazycat's raindance has worked here with a vengence, truly monsoon weather this afternoon with sheets of torrential rain.

Lots of scans coming up then (or not coming up, for some of you). Crazycat - I found my FMU team very helpful, never actually booked in/had contact with mw's until I was week 17, by my own choice. Hope you manage to get something sooner, 13wks is surely too late for CVS if you require one? Coffee, I really hope you have a good holiday and that you can rest for a while. Poot - I think once you have the nuchal, you'll have a gut feeling about the CVS. At least you have it booked, you can always cancel. Also thinking of Mimsy who has a scan on Tuesday...

Josie is doing well, though she's a sleepy bunny today - I'm hoping she's getting enough milk, as she keeps dropping off. Breastfeeding is still not good . I've got nipple shields now on recommendation of the mw, but struggle to get her latched on properly while I'm wearing them; and also sometimes during a feed her mouth shifts position more easily and she ends up just sucking the nipple - ouch. I hate dreading feeds; they are supposed to be a lovely bonding time. I'm hoping that it WILL be resolved, I had trouble with DS and persisted and after a few weeks it was all fine. But I'm not sure I've got the stamina this time to weather a few weeks... Sorry for the moan particularly when i should just be grateful that all is well with DD - i'm just not v gd at coping with pain.

Must go, evening feeds starting. xx to all, esp Allstars & Katie in this heat...

Hi Numpty, good to hear from you although not so good the breastfeeding isn't going smoothly. I hope it's just a difficult start and it will soon get better. Don't worry about moaning, it doesn't mean you are not grateful. It's so good this thread continues to offer some support and hand-holding after the little ones arrive. I hope someone more experienced will come along soon and offer some words of advice, all I can do is say "ouch" with you, what you describe does sound painful. On a different note, how is your ds, is he used with little sis now?

Crazycat, it looks like your raindance might have worked here as well, it's very cloudy and a bit windy. Although I don't like what I'm hearing that it worked in Scotland. I'm off to the Highlands in 2 weeks' time and I'd really like a bit of sun. Can you do a sundance as well and send warm vibes that way?

Poot, 12 days now, one is already gone, it will pass. xxxx

Ooh - whereabouts in the highlands are you going to, Coffee? 'Summer' in Scotland is always in inverted commas, so do come with all forms of clothing (wellies, suncream, jumpers etc). And midge repellent (Skin So Soft by Avon used to be a favourite of my old walking group). However it's raining here again just now...

DS has actually been great with DD, very sweet, kissing her on the head, giving her his cars to look at (we've restricted him to one at a time after worrying she'll look like a car park) and gently rocking her day bed. And his behavior has on the whole been better, which is great news. I don't feel that I'm getting very much time with him though; hopefully once breastfeeding is sorted spending time with him will be easier.

Better go get up and organised. xx

Numpty, I felt abit distanced from DD1 when her sister was first born too - DH was doing more with her and me with the baby, due to bf and also c-section aftereffects meant I was less able to lift DD1 about. The balance shifted soon though! Glad DS is liking his new sister and hope the bf goes better soon!

Coffee, I didnt have an early scan this time for the reasons you describe. I did in two previous pregnancies and all looked well, v erroneously. Think they are excellent reassurance if you have had a previous mc or mmc but less so if problems only became apparent at the anomaly scan point. Anyway, if you feel one would help, go for it. A good scan feels so good at the time..

LP, not long to nuchal now! I personally wanted the risk to come out much lower than age related risk - it came out as 1 in nearly 37000. Decided against cvs/amnio - though was told could change my mind whenever if anxious. Think CVS risk of mc is very low amongst experienced consultants but to me was scary idea anyway... agree about the gut instinct...

Good luck with the scan, Mimsy, and hope you are okay Catlady. DD is 2 and a half so much older than your DD. I recommend waiting if you are suffering with pregnancy nausea as wiping poo off potties is a bit sick-inducing anyway.

Nearly there for Allstars and Kittens!

DD1 now seems to have chickenpox...

Yack to pooey potties! Although not sure what's worse - washing nappies or cleaning potties. Either way, it's firmly in DH's job description at the moment.

Numpty I remembered that DD used to do that slipping off thing while feeding - ouch to nipple feeding. I resorted to just unlatching and relatching, or switching sides when she did that. And at night I fed her lying down which seemed to be easier. I'm sure things will click soon. Have you access to a BF specialist locally who might be able to help?

Sorry everyone I think my raindance must have been misdirected. It's roasting again here this afternoon - not as bad as yesterday but still hot. I'll do a little sundance instead and see what happens! xx