Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 2

[LittlePoot]

Dear all lovely ladies past, present and future. Welcome to support thread number two, to help us through the anxious TTC waiting, early scary weeks of pregnancy, nasty scans and tests, growing bumps and babies and everything in between. May this thread bring luck and (eventual) joy to us all and at least we'll all be here to hold eachothers' hands along the way. x

It's a good place here Peanuthead. Like you say, the original thread is a fantastic help for those who have been through the trauma that we are all too familiar with but it is now too raw a place to be when you are trying to move forward. There are many of us here at all our various stages of progress and it feels very comfortable. This is the only place where other people's news of pregnancy and progress is a joy to hear without any feelings of jealousy or bitterness because we all know what we've been through to get there and it is heartening to hear there can be a happy ending after all.

I do so hope we all get our happy ending but if we are not so fortunate at least we will have had some good friends and support along the way.

Oh, and thanks for the info on DHEA, it makes interesting reading. Is this something you were prescribed during your fertility treatment or just decided to try for yourself? I am, on one hand, wanting to try whatever it takes, but also wary of doing more harm than good if taking things into my own hands.

Kittens i am so confident you will get your happy ending - when you do you will be another example of hope for future members of the thread, hang in there and be brave, just like you already are x

Viv - lovely to hear from you. Will be firmly parked on the bench today for you - good luck, let us know how it goes xxx

Peanuthead - lovely to hear from you too! It would be great for you to join us here, you sound like you are doing really well and i hope the TTC pays off for you soon x

Just quickly - good luck for today Viv. Positive vibes being sent your way xx

Kittens, I've mentioned it before, but I'm a bit of a fan of HCG injections for supporting early pregnancy - let me know if you ever want to know more when you're ready xx

Peanut, it's so good to see you back. I did read on the other thread that you were preparing for another round of ivf, and wish you all the very very best with it xx

Hello and love to those I've not mentioned xx

PS Coffee, if I don't get back by the 23rd (which is meant to be handover day for our new house :) ), good luck, I'm sure it will be fIne, but totally understand your worry xx

The thing is Mishtabel, I can only really go with what the powers that be will offer. They've not mentioned HCG injections ever. Although I do feel like I need a new referral as I feel like after my tests at the RMC, having found nothing they have just left me with not much more than "all you can do is keep trying and see if you get lucky". It's all started to filter through after feeling strangely unaffected for most of the week. I am now feeling somewhat low and hacked off. It was bound to come.

Good luck with the final move Mishtabel, how very exciting!

Honey - I think you're entitled to a bit of 'low and hacked off'. There is always a crash isn't there, but hopefully this one won't go too low or for too long. Do you get any follow up at the miscarriage clinic now? The only thing I can advise at the moment is just to treat yourself and try and find something to brighten up these grey, miserable days.

Lovely to hear from you peanut and glad you seem a little bit brighter at the moment. x

Just reading back to what you were all saying last week about the different (and less appropriate) handling you've had by various doctors and sonographers etc. I found exactly the same - 2nd pregnancy I was reduced to tears on many an occasion by tactless or just downright unhelpful comments, and the pregnancy only went on 10 weeks. To try and do my bit to help this, I signed up for this scheme they're doing here where they're getting 3rd year medical students to visit mums to be as their first patient contact, to learn a bit about how to deal with actual people rather than text books. I did feel a bit mean bursting their oh-so-enthusiastic bubble by pointing out my history, but I've tried really hard to get them to understand that patients are real people and that by simply reading someone's background before they launch in, they can improve the patient experience no end. Fingers crossed it makes at least some difference.

Poot, that sounds like a brilliant scheme - and they'd be lucky to get you as a patient. I remember reading a brilliant thread a few months ago on all the crap things health professionals have said to mumsnetters, and thinking "this should be compulsory reading for all medical students" - it was half shocking, a bit sad, but also bloody hilarious in parts.

I hope things went well for you today Viv.

Kittens I am thinking of you often, hoping you are OK. I hope the low period passes soon, and that there are lots of distractions to get you through somehow.

And good to see you here Peanut. I hope next year brings better luck for all of us.

Welcome Louzie, I hope you are getting on OK. I am sorry to hear about your daughter Fern.

Eavers, how are you going? Did you manage to get an early scan booked?

Mishtabel, new house for Christmas - what a great present! Hope Santa can find you. We are coming to Oz for 3 weeks in Feb - it really cannot come soon enough for me. I need my family around me. Three weeks will be way too short.

Big hello to everyone else.
[fbear] (what is this new bear icon?!?)

Hi ladies, I've been sick so not able to post, who would have thought it's so much harder to fight a cold without nasal drops...

First of all, I hope Viv's scan yesterday went well, let us know how you are Viv.

Peanut, despite not posting on the sister thread anymore, I've often been thinking of you, I'm glad to see you here and I'm keeping everything crossed next year will be kinder with both you and Kittens. God knows you deserve this after everything you've been through!

Poot, the scheme you're involved in sounds brilliant. I have a lot of respect for doctors and medicine, but I do think it's more than just a job and you can't do it properly if you treat people just like cases. And when patients are so fragile and vulnerable, the way things are communicated can make a world of difference.

Mishta, so exciting about your new house. Will you update your blog with photos? How is little Bella?

I hope everybody else is well and having a smooth run-up to Christmas. xxxx

Poot, that is great work you're doing with that scheme. I am sure you are making a good impact (that doesn't sound very grammatical but you know what I'm trying to say). I was treated with incredible compassion by everyone involved in my experience but I do expend quite a bit of mental energy thinking about the next time and how to avoid being treated as a normal pregnant woman.

Mimsy, the bear icon is a "pom bear" which gained a certain notoriety after its mention in the Pom Bear thread, which I think you can find in classics. It's meant for particularly surreal or tumbleweed moments.

Hope you're doing as well as you can Kittens, and Viv, I hope you got good news yesterday.

Christmas wishes to everyone.

Hi Ghislaine, in my experience they will not treat you as a normal pregnant woman. I had my booking in appointment earlier this time (8 weeks instead of 10-12) and also have been considered high risk until my anomaly scan. I was also offered an additional scan at 17 weeks, the earliest when some of the brain problems can be picked up.

There are also green SANDS sticker they place on the front page of your pregnancy notes, with the SANDS logo and the date of birth of your lost baby, so everyone knows (or should know, anyway) that you had a loss before and you are more anxious and need more reassurance. Then of course, some health professionals are better at this than others, but at least you are "singled out",in a way, which might not sound nice, but I found helpful.

Thanks Coffee, that is really helpful to know. I plan to go back to the same hospital if/when I get pregnant again so hopefully the system will work. The geneticist I've been seeing actually said that next time I should just contact her and she would do my referral. At the moment I am trying to curb my unhealthy eating habits and do more exercise which is not easy at this time of year with all the lovely temptations around. Next week I'm starting acupuncture to help things along as these will be our last few cycles before we start fertility treatment.

Have you tried nasal irrigation (neti pots and the like) for your cold? Sounds gross, and it is, but it does help to flush things out.

I've been using Sterimar sea salt spray and it seems to have curbed two potential colds so far. As soon as I get that tingling, streaming nose I spray it up my nose and give it a good blow. The salt water seems to really help dry things up and get the 'bugs' moving along.

Thanks both. I've been doing steam inhalations and put some salt in the hot water, but these sound more effective. Although I have to say, the nasal irrigation looks really scary .

Hello all x

Just a quickie from me - today's my last day in the office before the Christmas break (two weeks off - yay!) so I'm frantically trying to get everything wrapped up before I go.

Yesterday went really well - everything is as it should be, although the good behaviour and compliance that we had at the nuchal scan and the 16 week mw appointment was not in evidence! We had one very wriggly baby, who was intent on putting his or her legs behind their head for most of it, and wouldn't pose for any decent pictures.

Anyway, everything was absolutely fine - we didn't find out the sex, although I do wonder whether I did see a teeny tiny penis in there - so after being Team Pink after the 12 week scan, I'm now erring towards Team Blue. Oh - and he or she appears to have a MASSIVE nose on them. I knew it must be significant when the sonographer blurted out, "Crikey! Whose nose is THAT?" God help the poor little soul.

Lots of tears of relief afterwards, but I'm now actually starting to believe that I may end up with a baby (!!) and so plan to try and enjoy the next few months weeks days, at the very least.

Love to all. Will check in properly later or over the weekend once work is behind me. coffee - hope your cold gets better soon.

Much love xx

Great news Viv - seems like there are a lot of boys on this thread.

It does, doesn't it? To be fair though, it could well have been the umbilical cord. Or a leg. Or something. I'm not exactly versed in the art of knowing what's what on scans!

Just a quick hello to you all. Just been reading through all the posts getting back up to speed with everyone. After we all recovered from the nasty tummy bugs, have been frantically trying to get Christmas shopping done! We have been out pretty much every single day since the girls broke up from Pre-school. Nearly done....

Viv, I dont think we have 'spoken' before, glad your scan went well. I was convinced both my girls were little boys, esp after the scans, but obviously didn't have a clue what I was looking at! .

Coffee - get well soon! Horrible being ill at the best of times, let alone when there's not much you can do for it. Hope you and bean are well.

I hope everyone else is well, there have been so many posts since I was last on here. Am in a very odd place at the moment. Am 4 days late but PG tests keep coming up negative... . My sister suggested that my body may still be a bit up in the air, although my last 2 periods came when they should have. Am going to wait another few days and repeat test if still no sign. Not sure if maybe the tummy bug has affected me (can it do that even?) and then wil have to book in with GP if still nothing. Could be that my rubbish cheap chemist tests are cheap for a reason. May fork out on a clear blue?

Brilliant news Viv so glad to hear it i didn't find out the sex at my scan either but also thought i saw something between the legs - turned out i was right (although i guess you have a 50:50 shot anyway!

Kittens hope you are ok lovely, have been thinking of you lots. Horrible weather this weekend so hopefully you can hold up at home with lots of cuddles and wine.

Poot, really glad you are involved in the scheme sounds like you could be a huge help! Fingers crossed it leads to some changes.

Coffee hope you are feeling better now x

Happy Christmas everyone else - only a week to go and i still have loads of shopping to get done

Oh and Natz i will keep my fingers crossed you get a christmas BFP!

Thanks Katie, unfortunately I was just late after all. Woke this morning with heavy period and had a little cry.

Oh well, looks like I will be having a couple of glasses of wine over Christmas!

I hope everyone is well and not being too affected by the snow. My parents were meant to fly home to Heathrow yesterday but got diverted to Copenhagen! Trying to find out when they should be back as Heathrow not open today. They have been to Vietnam and in 35 degree heat. Just hope they packed some woolies.

Coffee, I hope your cold is clearing up. All the best to everyone

Natz, so disappointing you didn't get your bfp this month, but hang in there, it will come, it has to. Enjoy mulled wine and soft cheese and seafood for the moment and I'll keep my fingers crossed you won't get to enjoy them for much longer.

How are you Katie, managing to get a bit more sleep? How is little Felix? His first Christmas, how exciting!

Viv, I am so pleased for you, and it's great you got such good news before Christmas, so you can enjoy it with a lighter heart.

Kittens, I hope you had a good week-end, as good as it can be really. Katie's suggestion of cuddles and wine sounded good, you need a bit of TLC now. You're coping so well, I am really amazed.

I can't believe how long it's taking me to shift this virus, I'm better but still feel very tired. Back to work tomorrow, only 3 days to do this week, then holidays until January. Really looking forward to it, but we have the next scan on Thursday and I hope we won't get bad news. I'm freaking out every time I read that the baby's brain keeps developing even at this stage...

I hope everyone is well and your plans are not too disrupted with this snow and ice. xxxx

Sorry you didn't get your BFP Natz. Very frustrating! I think it's so much harder when you have recently suffered a loss and want to be pregnant again. I hope you don't have to wait too long.

Great news from Viv. Always happy to hear the good news, gives me some sort of hope that things can work out.

Coffee I hope you are starting to feel a little better. Not long to go 'til your scan. I'm keeping everything crossed for you to be reassured so you can have a nice calm and contented Christmas and start to allow yourself to become a little bit excited at last.

I am doing ok. You know, a bit up and down. Poor OH got the brunt of my grumpy mood yesterday! I have just been trying to get on with Christmas shopping etc. Also just trying to arm myself with more info. I am going to try and get my doctor to refer me to Dr Shehata (I may have said that already, I can't remember). I hope I can get an appointment on the NHS but if not I will consider private treatment. The consultant emailed me back and is still maintaining that he thinks egg donation is my best bet for success but I'm still not ready to give up on my own poor old eggs yet. Anyone got any thoughts on wheatgrass for improving egg quality? I've read that's supposed to help. It's hard to believe that my last doctor, about 3 years ago told me I had the hormone levels and fertility of someone in my 20s! Mind you, there were several factors that made me change doctors so it's possible in this case she was talking out of her arse too!

hi all,

ot sure if any of you will remeber me but I was on here a few months ago after losing a baby at 24 weeks to triploidy and then i lost another one in september to the same thing.
Well, since then ive gone into councilling with a fertility organisation in my community and we had decided that i would go down the route of `IVF PGD even though there was no evidence to show that i was at any higher risk of this happening again, i just didnt think i would be able to cope with going through another 12 weeks without knowing for sure that the baby wouldnt have triploidy.
Anyway, while i was making all these plans, g-d had a different one and i found out i was pregnant even though i dont actually know how that happened as we only didnt use contraception once. but here I am 10 weeks pregnant and last week i started having some brown discharge. I just am so tired of all this. with my DD i had the most straight forward everything, pregnancy,, birth, baby. textbook.
I dont want to have a pity party but seriously, i have watched everyone get pregnant and have their babies and now its MY TURN!
I dont want to go down to the hospital and have a scan because even if they say everything is fine, it doesnt mean in will be in 3 weeks when i go for my 12 week scan. I dont want to be under any false illusion. I would rather be prepared for the worst and then be happliy suprised if its not the case.
Imagine feeling like your terrified to tell anyone your pregnant, ever incase you lose it. I am so fed up of people coming up to me who i havent see in years and telling me the heard what happened to me and their so sorry. I dont care if they are sorry, sometimes i have managed to not think about it for a few days and then i meet someone who feels the need to tell me they know and im right back there again.
I know most people are just trying to be nice and not nosey but i dont want to be the "nebuch'' (thats a jewish word for someone who has bad luck and is bit of a charity case)
uch!!! im so scared and my scan isnt untill the 12th jan. Truth is, im terrified of hospitals at the moment so i dont really want to go for an earlier one. if im going to miscarry i will and if its not ill find out in 3 weeks.
sorry for the rant, i lierally cant talk to anyone else about this, noone knows apart from my councillor and DH who REFUSES to talk about it.

Sarahmia, I'm sorry to hear you can't talk about this with your dh - is it all too painful for him?

I don't have any advice as my situation has been very different to yours, but just wanted to say that I've found this forum a great place to post. Even when people don't neccessarily have advice they have amazing empathy and support.

Wishing you love and luck
x

Sarahmia, I'm sorry you are feeling scared at the moment. Do you still feel pregnancy symptoms? From what I have gathered, it's mostly red blood or pink discharge which is cause for concern. I may be wrong but I have done more than my fair share of googling on the subject of miscarriage over the past few years. Brown discharge could just be some older blood from implantation which hadn't passed. Even after initial implantation there is still movement and "burrowing" going on during growth that could cause enough disturbance to cause a little old (ie. brown) blood to shed.

I know that what will be will be regardless of having a scan but you may find having a scan now would either put your mind at ease that all is ok or allow you to deal with any potential bad news sooner, rather than driving yourself mad in limbo and then going through heartache later anyway. This was part of my reasoning for having early scans. Hopefully all will be well and you would be able to relax.

I know it's so easy to feel down trodden and like a failure, believe me, that's how I feel right now. But I'm sure nobody views you as a nebuch. I think that's just how you are feeling right now. I'm sure all your friends and family think you are very brave, even if you don't feel it. It's difficult from both sides because people want to show that they care. They feel concern and sorrow on your behalf which you should try not to view as pity. My problem is that all my well meaning friends want to show their concern by asking me lots of questions and showing an interest but having been through this so many times I am just so bored of having the same conversations/post mortem over and over at 3ish monthly intervals! Like you say, sometimes you just want to forget - and, especially, not be defined by your bad fortune.

Please feel you can post here when you need to Sarahmia. It is an invaluable lifeline, especially when it's difficult to share in RL.