Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate VI

[Coffeeandchocolate]

Time for a new thread, ladies. May it continue to give us comfort, and help us find a special, sunny place in our hearts, where our babies are safely tucked in. May it bring good luck to everyone who posts or justs reads.

And to the old-timers, it?s so lovely to still have you here with us, reaching out.

Just a quick question I forgot to add to my above post.

Is anyone else finding that one of the first questions other people ask is are you trying again?

Sometimes I find this a bit annoying as if they think it's that simple but on the other hand it is something I wanted to do straight away.

What I really want to know is how you are answering this question. I find myself saying oh we don't know yet or we haven't discussed it. Possibly because I don't want people to think it's that simple and also because I think it's none of their business. I also don't want the constant any news yet question which only add to the ever increasing feelings of failure.

So how do you answer without lying??

Sorry thinking aloud a bit xx

hey bluecat sounds like you've had a lovely couple of days out with your son and grandparents - the weather is being really kind to us this easter hols (for once - aargh, hope i haven't cursed it by sayin that!!?!) haha - i also found an app for my iphone that does the same thing, though i am also on a fertility charting website that does it all for you there, so have been using that more. and yes i find that peeing incessantly on opks does kind of take away the need to poas when AF is due.....though of course nothing takes away the 'single line syndrome' - can't stop myself though when the time comes....here i'm still waiting for my period to show up, so currently just peeing merrily away on opks in the hope that my body produces an egg this month....if that happens then will deal with the testing part when i come to it.
YES - in answer to your second question....i returned to work today and popped into HR (as they know everything and the lady there is a good friend) and after the initial hugs, offer of a cuppa, and general empathy, the first thing she asked was whether steve and i would be trying again AND do we think that our age is a factor. hmmmm - well my answer to both would be "yes" but i too found myself saying, "erm, well, we're thinking about it but don't want to rush into anything etc etc". not sure why i felt i couldn't be honest. i don't know if it's because i think that people who've not been through what we have couldn't possibly understand the incredible urge to be pregnant again, and might mistake my eagerness to be pregnant as trying to replace Eve and therefore do her memory an injustice

Hello everyone xxx ramble warning ......

Just been reading the last few posts and lol at the peeing on things obsession!

We need the boffins to come up with an 'everything stick', preferably cheap, that we could pee on everyday and know if/when/if not why not we - ovulated, got impregnanted, ....became constipated, exasperated? Whatever

knitter - how are you love? Are you still there?

mrs bigz - going back to work and life around you feeling more normal. Well done xxxxxxxxxxx Its a funny feeling as you start to deal with everyday 'stuff' again after a trauma like we've all had here isnt it? Part of me cant wait to be 'me' again, and part of me is still a bit too fragile and catches me out. (we've STILL got no bloody hot water!) You're having to deal with people that didnt know about what happened, mrsbigz - that must be a tough one. I'm sort of the opposite. I live in a village and the whole place knew i was preg. within hours. (my teenage daughters tell friends, who tell their mums ect), and the same has happened with my loss. Wether or not the people who know/care will speak to me about it in passing i dont know yet ..... we've chatted to family and clossest friends obviously. But ... there's a couple of people who probably wont know i'm not pg anymore yet. Like my elderly neighbour .... got to tackle that soon ....

bluecat - glad to hear youre spending time out and about with family - this weathers so lovely. I was going to say to you earlier that your son would probably not want a fuss made with the other childs mum - my girls wouldnt have. But then i thought that was too presumptious of me to say that, and so didnt! Sailing down the middle road is best i think - once you've argued or made a scene with someone it kind of hangs there forever doesnt it? So i always feel i have to be realy sure i want to start something like that. (different if you blow up at the time/place, no thinking involved) So i think you're diong the right thing

ps: tesco pg test are 2 for .... £3 something. For bulk buying (i'm serious) has anyone found cheaper??

cremegg - Another well done for coping at work xxx yes i know what you mean about confidence. My personality has softened alot at the mo. I'm putting up with things rather than moan or stress about them too. Spent 15 mins stuck behind a tractor doing about 20 mph yesterday and just stayed there - jogging along. Normaly would have been doing a Jensen Button act to get round him!!!

MyangelAva - big week for you thinking of you. What a lovely week weather wise tho'. As you say it means you can get out and enjoy the sun and not dwell too much xxxxx good luck with the stick peeing! I'll be starting on Friday - just cos i cant wait. lol. Should be Sun. or Mon. realy - my cycles are quite long - but i dont want to miss it if its coming....

Cherry and cinnamon and everyone else - hope your all having a better week than all our weekends seemed to be! They are saying this weather will continue into the easter weekend so ..... yay to that!

I went back to the gym for the first time for a swim yesterday morn. and although i nearly chickened out twice, (that place can be daunting at the best of times) i'm glad i went. It was the first time i've been out alone since i was in hospital i think ...... either a child or my OH has been with me at other times. I'll go again tomorrow and try to get back to my old routine. I really think i hit rock bottom on Saturday. And when you're right down there's only one way to go as they say ay? I really do feel so much better now. I havnt cried since Sunday. Hopefully i've begun to find a way to think about what i've done/what has happened without torturing myself into tears.

Anyway - thank you for reading!! I enjoyed that ramble Enjoy your days ladies xxxxxxxxxxx

Morning all!

Cheers me up no end logging on and finding lots of messages. Though so many of them are about pee, ha ha! Still no red menace, getting right on my top note now, but my mum is comng to visit today which is nice and I'm taking a load of my special kids to the cinema tomorrow to watch 'Rango', so the next few days should be really nice.

Misty, regarding your 2nd question, I get the opposite! No one asks when/if we are trying again, they all seem to assume we will be waiting a while. When I say, 'no, trying again', I either get looked at like I am insane or get asked, 'Do you think that's a good idea?'. Eh? Makes me think they didn't think us getting pregnant in the first place was a good idea.

Hi bluecat, given up on bloody, sodding Facebook. Everytime I log on, find out someone else is pregnant. Grrrr!!!

Anyhoo, have to toddle off as have lots to do before going to collect mum from the train station, but just wanted to add some extra hugs for knitter, (how you holding up?), and myangelAva, (hope this time isn't too sad, will be thinking of you). And mrsbigz- men! What are they like!

Hi cremegg and cherry!

xxx

misty0 I think the everything stick is a great idea! Ha ha you could be onto a winner there! I wonder if somewhere like Amazon would sell in bulk......But I use tesco stick too. Glad you're feeling better after the weekend I felt numb for a few weeks after my termination, probably because I was too busy moving house 3 days after and decided that my old house was cursed and spent a small fortune on new stuff (Looking back now I was manic). It's funny though cos some days it feels like it might as well have been yesterday when it happened and the sadness comes flooding back, it's never far from my mind but at the end of most days recently I can honestly say it's been a good day but there's always that something missing if you get what I mean? I keep wanting to be pregnant by my due date....Not sure why but I seem to think it will help. Will just have to keep peeing on those sticks!! Well done for going back to the gym, they say exercise is good for the mind.....Think there's quite a few of us on a health kick at the mo!

mrsbigz It's an annoying question isn't it because even though I expect it now it still always seems to catch me off guard! I find myself avoiding eye contact and muttering something along the lines of we haven't thought about it......Even though it's something we have thought of since day one. I had my first period just over 5 weeks after my termination and just had my second right on time so I'm hoping I'm back to a regular cycle. Couple more days and the peeing on ovulation strips begins....

cinnamondag I know what you mean about Facebook it seems like the whole world is announcing pregnancies at the moment and there's too girls who were pregnant at the same time as me who have a count down thing...So I log on and because of this I see how many weeks I would have had left and what my baby would look like and be doing. I almost resent these girls and think you're insensitive with your updates.....Obviously they're not but I surprise myself sometimes with what runs through my head!

Hello to everyone else.....Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine xxxxx

Hello all and thank you for your kind thoughts, messages and virtual hugs. They really are appreciated. Just a quick one as am off out again tonight (I had tried to book this week full of nice things to do and I'm knackered by Wed pm- am so old at 32.... As of yesterday that is!)

Birthday and Ava's original due date yesterday went fine if not with a few wobbles and tears in the morning but the sunshine and millions of arrangements I made are helping. I just want my baby..... don't we all?

cinnamon yes, that's the ad (going a few days back now!) Horrific and people stared at the gym as I sobbed on the cross trainer! Have also stopped Facebook as I too seem to have loads of updates about people moaning about going overdue. Idiots.

One week til peeing on sticks begins- can't wait!

Speak tomorrow xx

MyangelAva i'm so glad yesterday went okay, and happy birthday to YOU (32 is soooo not old!!!!). I'm glad you stayed strong through the wobbles....and i think having lots and lots planned to do sound like a wonderful idea. i hope this week continues to be sunny for you :)

bluecat i too am peeing insessantly on opks (have no idea if it's the right time as still no period since Eve) but hey - you never know....and it fulfills a need for me to be peeing on something (and opks are a test i don't mind seeing just one line on!). bulk buy on ebay - fabtastic!!

misty hope you've got your hot water sorted now!?!

just a quickie from me - had highs and lows this past couple of days. high yesterday evening, got home from work and hubby pointed out a parcel that had come for me from america.....turns out all the girls in a buddy group i'm in (ds2's feb birth group on a charting site) had chipped in to send me a present to cheer me up (they know my situation with Eve). bless them, they had bought me a sapphire/diamond necklace (sapphire apparently the birthstone for sept when Eve was due), 2 mugs, chai tea, a book for the boys, box of chocolates, a silk scarf, OMG i was completely emotional (in a good way) as although i've been online buddies with these girls for a couple of years now, i've never met them (obviously, them being usa/canada) - and was so touched that they thought that much of me to arrange something like this!!

then today (downer) i had lunch with a friend at work, explained my situation to her as she asked me how i was feeling, what had been wrong with me. we had a lovely chat (my ds2 is the same age as her dd). then she mentioned (cautiously) that a mutual friend of ours is pg, due in sept. that was hard......she's the same gestation as i should be. but on the other had she is lovely and i'm so happy for her. battling emotions there i think. then, and not sure why i continued the conversation, but i asked whether she was planning on ttc a second baby, and she kind of glanced at me and said she was actually 7 wks pregnant.

what i found strange (and i'm sure you've all felt this way too) is that i am genuinely happy for her and our other friend. they've both got one child and want another, and i'm truly pleased for them......but so so sad for me that i'm not still pregnant when my baby was equally as wanted as theirs are.

i guess though, now that i've survived 2 pregnancy announcements in one day, that nothing else can touch me.....right?

oh - and i too am trying to stay away from fb - far too many people on there complaining about morning sickness / getting fat (i would love those things right now!!)

sorry didn't mean to end this on a low note. i'm not too bad. 3 weeks today since we lost Eve. in some ways it seems to have flown by, but on the other hand it feels like it was just yesterday. but each passing day does get a little brighter.

love you ladies - thank you for keeping me sane xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hiya ladies, WE HAVE HOT WATER AGAIN!!!! As of midday yesterday.

myangelava - sorry - happy Birthday for Tuesday xxxxxx week to go to begin peeing ay? I dont know how you're bing so patient its tomorrow for me - even though im certain its a waste of time for a couple of weeks at least.

mrsbigz - how wonderful of your group to send you that parcel. So kind and thoughtful of them. Lovely to feel that support behind you isnt it? I'm realy pleased for you xxxxxx Pregnancy announcements - you realy are having it thrown at you at the mo. arent you? Poor thing. You're right about becoming a stronger person through all this xxx I'm anticipating an announcement from my OH's brother and his wife soon as i know they've been trying for their first for about a year now, shes a fair bit younger than him - they are a lovely couple - generous and thoughtful and i wish them successs - i just hope i receive the news (as you have) with dignity and grace when it does come

bluecat interesting about how you felt about your old house. Funny the things we get in our heads isnt it? Just before i had my dreadful scan i had bought a couple of pretty tunic top/dress things which cost about £30 each - and looked lovely on. One i ended up wearing at the scan - the other i wore into hospital for my termination. I've been looking at those tops in the drawer since then, they're the kind of thing i can wear as a little dress in the sun now im un.prg. But kept avoiding them. But this week i've bitten the bullet and worn them. Took an effort - so silly - but i was developing a superstitious thing about them and then thought "bugger it, theres 60 quids worth of pretty top there - just wear the darn things". Has anyone else had any daft things like that (or am i just mad ?, lol)

Cinnamon - hope you're having a good time with your mum, enjoying the sun, and the cinema xxx

Off to swimming in a min. for me. This morning OH said he is working tomorrow so that he can take Saturday off and we can have a long weekend together. Ahhhh - (self employed, works alot of 6 day weeks) he has asked me what i want to do, anything i like, and we'll do it. Bless him. The girls are going to their Dad's Sat. afternoon till Sunday evening so we have the house to ourselves too. Only wish we could take a picnic and a big bottle of JD/wine and sit on a blanket somewhere by the river, whatching the world float by. We're not too far from Stratford on Avon and thats a lovely way to spend the afternoon - praps we'll do that .... just without the wine ....

xxxxxx

Morning!

myangelAva, another belated happy birthday, though now I know you are only 32 I may have to take you off my buddy list !!

mrsbigz, that is such a lovely gesture from your friends. I've found over these past few weeks that my greatest support has come from the least expected corners and it is so wonderful to know you are in people's hearts, even when they are thousands of miles away. Made me smile, and very glad it made you smile too.

bluecat and misty - yep, me too. I actually wanted to get all new bed linen, new cushions for the living room, packed up all my maternity stuff and sent it to my mum's. Had a couple of lovely tops I had bought too, they're still sitting in the wardrobe, (yes - wore one of them to the hospital). I did have a beautiful dress I bought from Topshop maternity that I had got planning to wear on our weekend away that we re arranged and had 2 weeks ago. Took it with me, but took a back up in case I could wear it. In the end did wear it. Thought to myself, it cost a fortune! But still felt really sad. It's only a dress, but the meaning behind it....sigh.

It was 4 weeks yesterday, and the first Wednesday I didn't cry. Almost, but didn't. And STILL NO PERIOD!!!! For f**ks sake.....

misty - I used to live near Stratford too! Moved last September 'down south' to be with OH and really, really miss my old stomping ground. A couple of my best friends still live in and around the Stratford area so as a treat I escape that way every now and then. It's such a small world isn't it?

Big hugs all xxx

(p.s. all those pregnancy announcements? It'll be us soon! (crosses fingers, toes and everything else!)

Thank you all for the birthday wishes, and yes, the sunshine is definitely helping. It's a stark contrast to the bleak January weather when everything went wrong, so that is also good.... Life goes on I suppose, whether we want it to or not.

Cinnamon, HUGE apologies for being 'only' 32; please still be my friend....?!! If it's any consolation, I look MUCH younger!! ;) mrsbigz I think you handled 2 pregnancy announcements in one day very well- let's hope there's lots of those on here soon! And misty, my cycle has pretty much gone back to normal, which is good but has completely taken all the 'fun' out of opks! It's just not the same when you expect it! I still spend a fortune buying them though, obviously! And on that theme, I think the tesco tests are the cheapest. Amazon sells strips (as opposed to the plastic tests) which seem very cheap- 20 or so for £3 ish but they look a bit tricky to use and you have to collect urine, let it cool etc. Bluecat, hope you're ok and a big hello to everyone else.

I am going to go and get some stuff done whilst DS is asleep now- am off on hols on Sun and have done nothing.... mainly as I seem to have been eating and drinking since Sun (health kick has taken a bit of a battering and feel awful for it!) Oops.

Ok, I don't know how to 'wink'!

Ok, there it is... Should read instructions!

Hello again

Ive had a major wobble. On my way home from swimming i have to drive past the hospital - (great!) - and did a quick count up of days since ect....

Hit me like a ton of bricks - today is the last day they "keep the tissue". Their words. I signed a form to say that past day 11 it is no longer my concern what is done with it, or whatever. Dont even want to go into what i was thinking after that. Sobbed ALL the way home. Wonderfull. Deep breath.

I'll be ok. Just a knock. How many knocks is it till we dont feel it much anymore????

cinnamon - we have alot in common! And 4 weeks is fine y'know. Thats only 28 days. Your body's ticking over....I would imagine its quite common to have a 5/6 week cycle till a normal AF patern kicks in again.... Hark at me! At 4 weeks to the day i'll be here raving about "where is it?" too.

Just back from the cinema; 'Rango' watched, lots of happy parents, lots of very happy kids and I've eaten a big pack of peanut M&M's.

misty, unfortunately I think the knocks just keep coming, but our skins get a little thicker. I still get tearful when I go past the maternity unit at our hospital, (and am dreading going back there for my consultant's appointment). But strangley for me this week seems to have got easier; still missing little one, and keep think 'I'd be so many weeks by now'. But it just somehow seems a little easier to keep my grief in check. I guess time is a healer like they say.......

You wait, I'll be wobble central by this evening after saying that! You wobble away lovely; I know it feels horrible, but if wobbling is what you need to do right now, you do it xxx

myangelAva, was going to say I look younger tob, but that still makes you significantly younger than me!! Guess I'll just have to let you off......it's only jealousy y'know! xxx

Big hugs and happy thoughts to everyone else, off to buy some fish, (to eat, not pet fish I hasten to add!)

xxxx

cinnamon am only teasing!! See, if I'd read the winking symbol instructions you'd have known! Silly me! So far I have been described as an 'older' mum at the hospital (although looking around the waiting room the ave age did seem to be about 19!) and in my 'trying again chat' with the GP, he said I was 'still quite young'! Honestly!

Talking about trying again, I think Bluecat asked how we are responding to the question- I've just been saying that we are not trying but we are not trying to prevent. I though that would satisfy without the temptation for people the continually ask you whether you are pregnant yet, or not.

misty I'm sorry you had a wobble near the hospital. It's only to be expected I think. I had to go back for my consultant's appt and they walked me straight through the scanning waiting room. Burst into tears. But then I thought that it's the hospital my son was also born in and hopefully there will be more, healthy babies to come, which would prob be born there. So there is my attempt at being positive! It's all about fooling yourself I think, and there will no doubt be many more to come over the years! X

myangelAva, just teasing back, promise! (though I am still a wee bit jealous still...and will be even jealouser, (is that a word?) in a few months when I will be officially nearer 40 than 30, sigh....). Strangely, I got exactly the same; midwife and consultant said I was an 'older' mum, doctors I saw at the hospital and have spoken to since said I was 'still young'. Will they make up their minds?!?

Am currently baking industrial batches of my artery clogging Millionaires Shortbread by way of celebration as DH is on his way home and is off work for the next 11 days - yay! God bless Kate and Wills I say! I must admit I have turned into a demon baker since losing little one; I think the being constructive element helps, plus the kids love it, plus I get to eat lots of yummy cake. Couldn't cook at all for 2 months due to morning sickness, so I'm actually still enjoying it.

Still can't get excited about washing up though.

Big hugs to all, going to make a vat of caramel.........xxxx

Cinnamon I adore Millionare's Shortbread! Am v jealous about that- would be round to yours in a jiffy if I could!

MyangelAva can i grab a lift with you round to Cinnamons house please to sample some of that shortbread!!? Blimey you two - talking about your ages makes me feel ancient!! I'm already on the wrong side of 35 and getting scarily closer to 40 - aaarrgghh - pass me some shortbread quick!!!

Misty0 - so sorry to hear about your wobble :( it's hard when something suddenly hits you out of the blue like that and catches you off guard. it's such a strange thing this recovery. i've been ok and then something completey unrelated will suddenly rear up and smack me in the face. you always know that you can come on here when you've had a wobble and we will understand how you're feeling.

cinnamon glad you enjoyed the cinema and the peanut m&ms (mmmmm!!)

to everyone else!!!

well i've completed my first week back at work (albeit a short one). slowly getting my head around the projects i'm supposed to be managing and it has been good to get some kind of routine back (although i'm not enjoying the early starts and 1 hour commutes again!!).
it's been just over 3 weeks now and it IS getting easier. i still miss and think about Eve all the time, but i don't burst into tears so easily which must be a good sign right? Now just waiting for either a +opk or a period.....what a choice!!!

speak to you soon - am down at my mums for a couple of days so might be mia, but will try and log on from my phone xxx

Morning

Thank you everyone, for the help with my wobble xxxxxx

Easter Break Starts Here! Yay - and the suns still shinning!

cinnamon - hope you got your fish, love and pass me some shortbread?

myangelava - your right, its a big 'fool yourself into getting through it' kind of thing isnt it? At the mo. i think we're all just about doing ok

mrsbogz - congrats on your first week back at work. Have a lovely well earned break at your mums xxx

My OH has booked us into a lovely romantic country house in Wales for two nights, so we'll be off tomorrow am. (taking my sticks with me, ha ha) So its sheep and mountains for us this weekend (and no kids, they're at their dad's. Very rare event, and we're taking full advantage!)

Hope everyone has a realy lovely Easter break, chins up, smilles on and take care xxxxxxxx

So sorry mrsbigz, i just called you mrsbogz!

hi everyone
havent been on for awhile, so haven't caught up, so sorry for lack of personals.

Cherry my 2ww was over very quickly as instead of the 33/ 35 day cycles I've been having AF turned up on day 27, am soon to start all over again!

nearly went for plan B, looked at 2 gorgeous puppies yesterday, but we cant take them on because of the hours we work.

Hope everyone is having a good easter, at least the weather is being kind to us all xx

Hi all,

Super quick update - red menace arrived so am now officially on the ttc wagon. Bring on the counting and peeing on verious different sticks!

Think the relaxing effect of 3 double JD's and coke last night may have helped!! I can heartily recommend it, (though am now tee total of course!).

Enjoy the sun lovely ladies xxx

That's good news cinnamon- of sorts anyway! I'm going away for a couple of weeks so will miss the peeing action, although will try & check in if I can! As I think I said before, the 'window' is whilst we are away with my family... in a house with very thin walls! Interesting! Rest assured I shall be peeing on my remaining 5 sticks (measly I know- Amazon didn't deliver because of Easter etc.) this time next week!

Tomorrow is my official due date, but to be honest the whole of this week has been much harder than I thought it would be. I did plan lots of things to keep me busy but I guess you can't run from this.

I hope everyone is outside enjoying the sunshine and is as well as they can be xx

Hey just a quick post,

*MyangelAva I hope tomorrow is a nice day for you, well as can be. I too am away with family the days when I'm apparently fertile! Where there's a will there's a way as they say!

cinnamondog It's good to have you on the wagon, here's hoping we have some news soon!

misty0 definitely not mad I think we all have something we associate with the termination one way or another....

mrsbigz Glad works going well sometimes it does you good to get back to a bit of normality....Have a good few days away!

flower11 Oooh puppies how very cute! I have 3 cats now, (every time some-one I know has kittens I get another!) Can you not have a puppy as well? I find animals very therapeutic and my cats provide us with great comfort.....They're more like dogs really, we've spoilt them rotten lol.

Hello everyone else hope your all getting out in the sunshine!

I'm off away till next weekend now but will check in off my phone and see how everyone's doing!

Happy Easter, hope all on the health kicks are steering clear of the chocolate eggs, I've crumbled I'm afraid so the diet starts (again) Monday!

Hugs xxxx

Thank you Bluecat. Have a lovely time away and good luck!! We also have 2 cats but nobody told them! I'm sure they think they're human or at the very least dogs! Hence I think it's a very good idea Flower, they say you always fall pregnant right after you adopt......!

Unfortunately I didn't manage to resist the choccie eggs in spite of the fact we are going away and that I'm supposed to be on a health kick! Why is easter egg chocolate always nicer? Never mind, there's always tomorrow.