Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC following a termination for abnormalities. Thread 7

[Kiki275]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

Will prob be very similar @Redhead43. Glad you're starting to relax and enjoy it. Were your friends ok with you telling them later?
I'd imagine those that genuinely care will understand. I have some really shitty family who will no doubt have a moan about it, perhaps not to my face but I'm at the point of not really giving a hoot.

I've been having a look online for a tummy moisturiser as my bloated belly @12w is really starting to make think I'm going to end up the size of a truck covered in stretch marks.
As this is my first, I'm clueless as which ones are any good. There are so many and the reviews are mixed.
Does anyone have any recommendations?

I was huge this time round and measured 2 weeks bigger every week as well but stretch marks are genetic so creams don't necessarily help but I used burt's bees and palmers bump creams and I haven't got stretch marks had 2 healthy babies xxx

@Dia12 my friends were really understanding - they mainly couldn’t believe I’d managed to keep it secret with us being so close and speaking everyday. Everyone I’ve told has completely understood why I waited to tell them.....Well to my face they’ve been fine anyway. But like you I don’t care what other people think it was what was best for me and hubby xxx

@Dia12 I just used a Nivea moisturising lotion and avoided getting many. Bonus was DH would usually apply it and give me a back rub every night as well because of SPD.
This is my third pregnancy and I was already big with the twins at 20 weeks so my poor abdominal muscles have no chance of keeping a bump in. Fortunately I see no one x

I would feel exactly like the rest of you when I get pregnant. I have already decided i won’t tell anyone apart from our immediate family and work until at least 20 weeks.

I’ve had an email this morning saying there’s a 3-4 day delay on my NIPT results so I’ll likely not hear anything until end of next week 😭 this is going to be a long few weeks.

@Mummabear40 that's so frustrating. When is your 12 week scan?x

@kiki275 Monday morning, I’ll be 12+6. I just don’t think that’ll give me any comfort either as my TFMR baby had a ‘normal’ 12 week scan. His NT fluid was 2.6mm but everything else looked fine 😭

That's really annoying @Mummabear40, the waiting is truly awful. I do have a good feeling about it though especially as you have seen a nasal bone and keeping everything crossed you see a lower NT this time too.

My 12w scan was very similar as in nothing was picked up but NT was 2.9 and there was no mention of nasal bone.
My 12w yesterday was very different, NT 1.1 and nasal bone clear to see. And such a wriggly baby! It was absolute joy. Still early days but for the first time I felt a little warm with hope.

Hoping the week speeds by and you get to your scan and result soon. X

That's really annoying @Mummabear40, the waiting is truly awful. I do have a good feeling about it though especially as you have seen a nasal bone and keeping everything crossed you see a lower NT this time too.

My 12w scan was very similar as in nothing was picked up but NT was 2.9 and there was no mention of nasal bone.
My 12w yesterday was very different, NT 1.1 and nasal bone clear to see. And such a wriggly baby! It was absolute joy. Still early days but for the first time I felt a little warm with hope.

Hoping the week speeds by and you get to your scan and result soon. X

@Dia12Yeah it is definitely annoying and not helping the anxiety but I agree that things so far are looking good.

That’s great news on your 12 week scan, you definitely deserve the happy warm feelings as it is all such positive news for you, especially after your NIPT results. x

@Mummabear40 oh no! The wait is really annoying. Did they give you a reason for the delay? Hopefully you will have an amazing 12 week scan that will be completely reassuring.
@Dia12 that’s wonderful news ! You must be so relieved!

Thank you both! Relieved and looking forward to time moving a little faster. Lockdown of course doesn't help, i think I'm getting cabin fever.
How are you all coping?

@Alice40p one of their machines has broken at at lab 🙄 just so typical as I never have good luck. Hopefully Monday will go well.

I had a terrible night sleep and kept waking so today is going to be long!

@Mummabear40 I'm having awful trouble sleeping just now. I keep waking up and can't get back to sleep. I've downloaded a mindfulness/meditation app and it seems to be helping, at least when I do wake up I can put a track on and stop my mind wandering too much x

@Mummabear40 It is the anxiety on top of everything else, isn’t it? Hopefully you will be able to sleep better after your scan on Monday.

@Alice40p I hope so as I had weird scan dreams last night again 🙈. Can’t wait just to have the scan and test results!

Hello all
Been lurking for a while but first time posting.
I am about 5w pregnant 😁. I have a history of 2 TFMR for a severe x-linked cardiac & brain abnormality, so had two baby boys affected, both TFMR were mid 2nd trimester.
Thankfully I also have had a healthy pregnancy and have a 3y old boy.

After the 2nd TFMR I found out i'm a genetic carrier for this condition, meaning there is a 50% risk of future boy pregnancies being affected (no chance surviving til term) and 50% risk of girl pregnancies being carriers.
We decided after a lot of soul searching to risk TTC again as we really wanted a 2nd child and are late 30s. Didn't want to go down the route of genetic screening & IVF.

I don't know how to feel now, semi excited and semi absolute shitting it. Don't want to look too far forward, but then the next second I'm wondering what we would do for childcare and how long mat leave I could take!
I'm a few years on from my first TFMR and feel like I've dealt with it reasonably well, however what I really felt robbed of is the innocent joy/excitement that people have with pregnancies when they don't know any different. I really want to be happy and excited for this pregnancy even if it doesn't work out, as for my 2nd TFMR I was anxious/detached throughout the first trimester, then the second trimester was just full of dread/scans/tests and having to make horrible decisions all over again. I didn't attach/bond with the baby at all, I was almost in denial it was happening again and now feel guilty about that.

Sorry for the essay, but just wondering does anyone have any tips or strategies to help?

Also i'm in two minds whether we should get a harmony test done at 10weeks so that we know the sex ASAP?? If it's a boy I can prepare myself a little more for the 50% risk of recurrence. If it's a girl at least I know she won't have this particular condition (but i'll still worry about everything else that could go wrong).
Can anyone relate?

The most unexpected thing happened today, I got the NIPT results and baby is low risk for everything. I’ve cried tears of relief all afternoon, I’m just so happy. We also found out we’re having another boy 💙 it seems we only make boys lol

@fourthtimelycky sorry you find yourself here and congratulations on your pregnancy. The results of my NIPT have offered a lot of comfort and I know now I will relax but I can only speak from my experience. I’m not a genetic carrier for what our TFMR baby had though so can’t speak from that experience. x

Awwwwww @Mummabear40 congratulations! How absolutely lovely. I'm so happy for you!
It's all so overwhelming isn't it, all those pent up emotions and worry just spill out. And you can let it all go now......and enjoy. xx
It's taken me a while to let go, not sure if I have completely let go of the worry.

Sorry to hear of your journey so far @fourthtimelycky. You're a very strong person to have gone through a tfmr twice.
Congratulations on your new pregnancy, I can understand you wanting to find out the sex as soon as possible, living with the worry is so difficult and makes first trimester even more challenging than it has to be.
Is NIPT something the nhs might offer considering your circumstances?

I don't have any unique strategies, other than using guided mindfulness series (Netflix) and various mediation videos on YouTube helped. Going for walks. Just take it a day at the time.
Wishing you well x

@fourthtimelycky I'm so sorry you've been through this twice. I can only imagine your heartache. My TFMRs weren't for genetic reasons so our situations are different, however I took the first opportunity I could to find out I'm not having twins (I lost identical twins at 22wks to TTTS). It hasn't made me perfectly calm about a singleton pregnancy but I'm significantly less stressed than I was. I won't be able to relax until after the 20wk scan. So in your situation, I would do the NIPT. Knowledge is power they say and I'd want to know what my chances were.
As @Dia12 has suggested, I've downloaded an app to help with mindfulness & meditation, particularly at night when my thoughts wander.
Wishing you all the best with this pregnancy and keeping everything crossed for a happy healthy one for you x

@Mummabear40 wonderful news!! Must definitely be a weight lifted xx

Thanks all.
I felt better just writing that message all out yesterday, so I might do a bit of a diary as I found that useful in the past.
I have had NIPT through the NHS before, but only because my bloods at 12weeks came back high risk - this was a separate issue to the TFMR problem. They charged £200.
Not sure if they would let me do this via NHS this time as my condition isn't Downs/edwards or Patau's. I've seen a private clinic does scan & harmony for £450.
For those who have had NIPT, was this via NHS or privately ?
Thanks

Thanks @kiki275 and @Dia12 I’m still so relieved today 💙💙

@fourthtimelycky in my last pregnancy I had a NIPT on NHS for about £450 after high screening results. This time we went to same private clinic as with our first healthy baby and it was £450 again. For peace of mind it was so worth it for us. xx

Hi Ladies - sorry I haven’t responded since Christmas. Mentally I found the faint positive lines triggered my emotions so I took some time out for a few weeks. My husband and I decided to start trying properly this month and this morning I got my bfp on a cb digital this morning. I’m not sure I can believe it yet, I’m not really sure what I need to do next....the paranoia of a miscarriage etc is overwhelming. Sorry if I sound ungrateful I just want this so bad.

Hope everyone is doing well? What have I missed. Sending lots of love to all xxx