Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC following a termination for abnormalities. Thread 7

[Kiki275]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

@Bbf25010320 not ungrateful at all. You sound genuinely terrified and that's completely understandable. All we can do is take it one day at a time, sending you all the positive thoughts (and tentative congratulations) xx

@kiki275 thank you so much. That’s the exact word I was looking for, I am terrified of more heart ache. My positive line on a FRER was still quite faint at 14DPO so I have convinced myself this isn’t a good sign. If only we could skip this unknown territory and go straight to the knowing if everything seems ok and in the right place.

We have decided not to tell anyone this time until we have had NIPT and a scan to confirm baby looks well. I feel like that is so far away yet and just praying each week goes by and no sign of AF. You might be hearing a lot from me 😭🙈

How are you @kiki275?

Xx

@fourthtimelycky Sorry you find yourself in this situation. I had one miscarriage and a TFMR for Edward’s last year. I’m not sure NIPT will be useful in your case as it was not downs, Edward’s or Patau’s. Perhaps you could opt for CVS or amino? I’m hoping with 50% chance and this being your 4th baby, it would be a healthy one. Congratulations on your pregnancy and hope everything goes well for you. I am not pregnant yet but I find going for a run or walk calming when I have my dark days.
@Mummabear40 aww that is great news! You must be so relieved now.

Just catching up - I am so happy for you @Mummabear40 what lovely news!!!

@fourthtimelycky just wanted to send you lots of positivity and hope this is your rainbow baby after such a difficult time ❤️ My fingers are crossed for you xxx

@Bbf25010320 congratulations!! I think I would feel exactly like you too when I get pregnant.

Thank you @Alice40p - it’s such a shame the excitement of a bfp is taken away from us with such worry and caution. My best friends pregnant at the moment (I’m beyond happy for her) but until you experience such heart ache you never truly appreciate the miracle of a healthy baby. I totally took my pregnancy with DD1 for granted ❤️ Xxx

@Bbf25010320 yes, this sucks all the joy of pregnancy! Are you going to contact your FMU to see if they could get you an early scan?

@Holly341 and @SusanSue how are you?

I think I will @Alice40p can they do that then? I’m not sure of what I am entitled to or not....also scared of making this ‘real’ and wonder if I should wait a week or two before taking any steps...but also want to know ASAP if everything’s ok! What’s the earliest they would scan? Do you know xxx

@Bbf25010320 congratulations on your bfp. I felt exactly the same as you. My FMU scanned me at 7 weeks and again at 10. I went through my Bereavement midwife.

Thank you everyone for you kind words and suggestions.
Yes I listened to lots of angry music whilst walking and running in the past as a coping mechanism (after having bad news), like podcasts too as a distraction.

I'm thinking the lockdown and WFH situation is actually going to help in a way, because don't have to worry about seeing anyone during the first few weeks or covering up feeling sick.
I think we will get NIPT and just pay the £450, I'm mostly using it to find out the sex as the condition I have is x-linked, but the other syndromes are a concern cos of my age.

How many weeks along is everyone?

@Mummabear40 unfortunately the bereavement midwife position isn’t filled at my local hospital and therefore I was never assigned one 😭 I will have to see what I can do, but going to give it a week - when I wiped this morning I had some brown/bloody cm so I am now even more on edge xxxxx

@fourthtimelycky I’m 12+5 and have my 12 week scan in the morning.

@Bbf25010320 if you do come to want a scan, call your community midwife team, call your GP for the number. Then explain your situation and they’ll book you in. Brown spotting in early weeks is pretty normal so try and stay positive. x

@Bbf25010320 oh this is wonderful news, many congrats to you and your partner.

We spent the first 10 weeks absolutely petrified so you're definitely not alone. I spoke to sands on a couple of occasions and they really did help me bring my wild irrational fear into check.
They all had positive stories of how they had suffered tfmr but highly unlikely to happen second time without a genetic cause.
I would say, get all the reassurance you can for your sanity's sake.
I found no one was willing to scan at hospital so had an early private scan at 7w. Not much to see before then. Then FMU were able to see me at 10w and again at 12w. Call them directly if you can.
I also had spotting early on, please don't worry, it's all very normal. Let us know how you get on xx

@fourthtimelycky I'm 13w today! Getting pelvic pain already but thankfully nausea is subsiding.

@Dia12 my pelvic pain has started today too, much earlier than with my first.

Congrats @Mummabear40, so happy to hear about your results!

@Dia12 your “wriggly baby” warmed my heart so much! That’s what we want to hear : )

@fourthtimelycky sorry to find you here, but hopefully sharing your experience and seeing that you are not alone will be helpful for you. In your shoes, I would do the screening (and would try to push for the hospital to do it, since surely you have a good case for it?). For me, not knowing is worse than knowing, as I’d always be on edge and wondering about “what ifs” rather than addressing the situation from an informed place.

@Bbf25010320 congratulations! Your feelings sound very natural, given your circumstances. It will surely get easier as you get through milestones, but for now just take it day by day. No developments is good at this early stage.

Thanks for checking in, @Alice40p. We have started ttc again. It was a slightly stressful start, as my ovulation was inexplicably delayed by several days (I got 7 “high fertility” readings on Clearblue before the “peak”, whereas usually I’d only get 1-3 of those), but now in the 2 week wait and trying to feel optimistic!

Thank you @SusanSue & @Dia12.

I have been getting pink discharge all day mostly when I wipe but also so brown on a pad after going for a long walk. Should I be worried? I have never had this with any of my pregnancies? Also did another test today and it’s quite faint still, my period was due today so would of expected it to be darker?

Wishing you a speedy 2WW @SusanSue hope it’s your month!! Fingers are crossed for you xx

Also huge congrats @Dia12 on the pregnancy, Lovely news xx

@SusanSue my ovulation was earlier than expected. I used a cheap ovulation test, so was not very sure.
I did a pregnancy test yesterday at 11 DPO but it was negative ! I’m having some of my AF symptoms such as low mood, acne outbreak but I’m also having frequent urination.
The test I did yesterday was not with FMU.
In some ways I guess it is good for my body to have another cycle.
Fingers crossed for your test.
@Bbf25010320 I had spotting for nearly two weeks with my tfmr pregnancy. It was mostly brown but sometimes pink. The advice I was given was not to exercise as that increases spotting. So it is not unusual that your discharge increases after a walk.
How many weeks are you now? Is the test with FMU? With my first successful pregnancy, I had a faint band but it wasn’t with FMU. I had it tested at the GP surgery the next day and it was a normal band.

@Alice40p I have only missed my period today so I’m like 1-2 weeks - very early. Mines more bright pink but mixed with stretchy clear cm. I got my clear blue digital result today with fmu but that one I just posted was this afternoon. God I hope this goes onto be a healthy pregnancy xxx

@Bbf25010320 I had brown spotting for around a week I think. Also had a little more around 8 weeks. EPU said it was nothing to worry about x

@Bbf25010320 I had some pink with stretchy clear cm too. EPU said it was very common.

@Alice40p & @kiki275 thank you for the reassurance, fingers crossed it will stop tomorrow and I can book an early scan at 6 weeks. It’s all such a worry isn’t it. I really appreciate this group and everyone responding it certainly helps you to not completely lose the plot with all these uncertainties xxx

Hmmm @Alice40p it doesn’t sound to me like it’s definitely a negative yet, so let’s wait and see. I’m going to try avoiding testing early this time round because when it’s been negative before, it just made my disappointment last longer cos it started earlier! Easier said than done though, I suspect

Morning ladies - just a little update. Seems the bleeding has increased and is more red, I am not feeling hopeful that this pregnancy is going to progress, think it is a chemical. Docs have told me to wait a week and re-test. So upset I just wish i hadn’t seen the positive test, I’ll definitely not be early testing again and waiting until I am a few days past my period next time :-( xxx