Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC following a termination for abnormalities. Thread 7

[Kiki275]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

@Dia12 you just need to relax during the next couple of weeks then I hope it’s nearer 10 days so you have a little peace of mind. I’m excited but nervous again for the 20w scan - I still haven’t bought a single thing so I think next week I might start shopping. I am starting show I didn’t think I was but I’ve literally grown in the last couple of days. I feel really well! I hope it continues that way. How about you? Symptoms? Cravings? Xx

Glad to hear you're feeling well. Must be nice to see a little bump now....for all the hard work!
I feel human until about 1pm and then it just goes downhill with nausea, foul bitter taste in my mouth and hunger pangs despite feeling bloated and full. And the belly.....😱 i look 6m but it's all blub :(
I had only just started to lose the 8kgs i'd put on during and after the tfmr preg. So I'm worried I'm just going to end up the size of a truck very soon.
I really ought to force myself to get out and go for a walk.

@Dia12 I am the same, feel fine till around lunchtime and then feel really nausea, freezing cold, tired and starving! I’m also carrying too much weight 🙈🙄

Ohhhhh ladies worry about the weight post baby. Enjoy eating whatever you want 😘 xxx

Just wanted to say to all the pregnant ladies on here - I’m so happy for you and keeping fingers and toes crossed that those pregnancies are as uneventful as possible! I can totally understand that feelings of anxiety are high but I hope that you will be able to start enjoying your pregnancies at some point. Do you feel like there could be a point when you’d feel more relaxed? Maybe after the 20 week scan?

@Unicorn1997 so relieved for you! What a nightmare thinking that the same non-genetic(!) issue could arise at the next pregnancy after tfmr. It’s like winning the worst lottery in the world, twice. I’m sure everyone on here can relate.

@Holly341 my period has finally started! Honestly feel like having a party or something :) it took about 5.5 weeks after my tfmr and I have never welcomed a period so much in my life. Finally we’re on the path to ttc again.

@SusanSue I'm not sure about when I'll relax. DHs best friends 2nd son was stillborn and whilst this happened a few years ago & long before our DS was even conceived, loosing our boys has made it all too real that this could still happen to us. I've already mentally decided I don't want to go to 42 weeks (only to be induced, then EMCS) like I did with DS. I want this baby out safely, on time(ish). Once I've had that discussion with the MW I think I might be happier. That said I'd also really like a spontaneous natural birth so I'm asking for the moon really 😂 x

@SusanSue it’s a good question actually as I am wondering myself when I might relax a bit! I’m
10 weeks today and think I will once I’ve had the NIPT results. My angel baby’s hydrops were caused by T21, so I think if I hear that this baby doesn’t have an abnormality I will relax a lot. I so want to enjoy being pregnant as it’ll be my last time.

@SusanSue I’d like to think I’ll relax after my 20 week scan on Tuesday but who knows. I’m not really one of life’s worriers but everything about being pregnant makes me worry now.

@kiki275 omg so I’ve already had the same thoughts as you about going over my due date - basically I don’t want to and it’s already on my mind. But equally I want a spontaneous natural birth. Like you say asking for the moon there xx

@SusanSue haha you should have a period party. I was driving my husband nuts asking where it was everyday until it arrived. Hopefully that's you settling into normal cycles again.

It's nice to have someone else back on the TTC journey after this - it feels different this time around. I bought those bloody clear blue sticks that gave me a peak on day 8 so I've already convinced myself my body is silly buggers and I'm out this month.

@kiki275 @Redhead43 I unfortunately have to have a section after major complications delivering my first, but at least I know I won’t go past 39 weeks.

@SusanSue I was the same when I got my first period lol

@SusanSue yes, I was relieved after my first period arrived too. I think we are on our TTC path now too.

@Kiki275 how terribly sad... but this is your new pregnancy and you have every chance for it to go smoothly.

@Redhead43 I feel like I’ll be similar!

Can’t comment on the natural birth v induction option, but I guess you’ll need to wait and see closer to the time, in case the baby feels the same way!

@Holly341 @Alice40p it’s great to be back on track. Now I know that next week I’ll start tracking my ovulation with the at home kit and the week after I should get my fertility window, so now there’s something to do every week with our ttc. My clinic even offers a blood test halfway through the 2 week wait, but to be honest it sounds like an unnecessary expense as it won’t change the outcome.

Period party lol! This made me smile.

I’m starting to feel a bit more positive now after getting a negative pregnancy test after my TFMR, and speaking to my consultant. He has confirmed the t18 was not genetic and just one of those things, he was so patient and was able to answer my questions which has given me some reassurance. I have also told 2 of my siblings and managed to say it out loud without crying, which feels like a big relief as I have been in conflict whether to say anything or not.
I’m hopefully back to work tomorrow, looking forward to getting organised.
Next thing is to wait for my period to return, hopefully it won’t be long

I was supposed to be induced with my first she came on her own at 38+5 and this time I was supposed to be induced at 38+6 so I went in for induction when I got there they said I was 2cm dilated so didn't have need anything just needed my waters breaking - I had to wait for a bed in delivery suite but due to number of walk-ins there wasn't one so had to wait on ward overnight even though they told me to go in at 2pm!! Then at 5am in the morning the day I was 39 weeks my waters broke on their own and as with my first contractions started they miraculously found me a bed on delivery suite -due to my previous issues and genetic condition I was in a high risk room again and it turned out to be the same room I had DD1 in! Xx

Wow @MummyBearBoo sounds like you almost delivered in the waiting room. Poor you, you must have been uncomfortable waiting around. How are you and LO getting on?

Glad to hear all the ladies back on track with their cycles. I'd advise to ramp up your vits/veg intake and really get yourself back into prime TTC condition. I really struggled and kept falling off the healthy eating wagon.

I've spent the last few days feeling quite down as it's around the due date of my tfmr baby. I haven't been to the cemetery yet. I'm also stupidly hanging on to the disappointment I feel that no one close to use has remembered this difficult time for us. My DM is so engrossed in her own life (I've taken on the duty of finding her a house to buy closer to us), even when I mentioned it, she barely acknowledged it and just confined talking about the house search. I'm so bitterly hurt by her selfishness that I woke up this morning wanting to tell her I'm not helping any further. I know I can't do that either.
My supposed "best friend" has no recollection and is too busy charting her all her dating endeavours to me constantly on text.
Only ONE person sent a lovely message to say she's thinking of us and to remain strong - and it was so heart warming.

I don't blame anyone for not remembering my due date, but i am angry/upset that when reminded it invoked no empathy in my mother, and that others have just forgotten altogether that I might still be grieving.

I'm sorry for the rant. It's just becoming a bit much with the wait for the NIPT results also on my mind and the endless burden of house hunting. I know I need to manage my emotions now before I end up exploding.

@Dia12 I was on the induction ward awaiting a bed rather than a waiting room when my waters broke I'd been there since 2pm the day before she didn't arrive til 3pm the next day so it wasn't really close! The MW at first didn't believe me when I told her my waters had broke she thought I'd just had an accident til she gave me a pad and it went straight thru!!
I'm glad they went in their own in the end Xx

@Dia12 sorry that no one close to you is remembering. It’s such a weird feeling the due date. I remember not knowing how to feel because I felt emotionally stronger that a few months prior. Just make sure you and your husband do something nice that’s what we did. We went to the crem and then came home ordered our fave take away had a film night and tried to have a little celebration of his life. Thinking of you lots and sending virtual hugs - I’m sure all our angel babies are looking out for one another. Waiting for the NIPT results is an added stress. Wish I could fast forward the time for you. And god house hunting is just the worse all very stressful especially during COVID times xxx

@Dia12 I'm so sorry no one remembered or cared about your due date. Some people just don't understand the significance. I wish I could give you a massive hug.
How have you remembered it? My boys due date I was lucky enough to get away for a few days with DH. We celebrated with a lovely steak dinner and a bottle of wine that we'd brought back from honeymoon. Others prefer to go for a special walk or plant bulbs, trees etc. Others choose not to mark it in any way xx

Oh thank you both for your kind words of love and support. I guess I just needed to hear that from someone other than DH.

It's such a beautiful thought that our angel babies are looking after each other 💕

We also spent the day together and had a nice dinner. DH did his best to be cheery and kept telling me I need to stay happy for the little one I'm carrying - which I'm very grateful for.

I feel calmer and lighter now....

@Dia12 when are your NIPT results due? I have my test on Thursday.

My family didn’t acknowledge our due date either which was upsetting, my friends sent me lovely check in messages though which was nice.

I've been thinking of you @Mummabear40 as I know your dates are around mine. Hope you and your other half are doing ok 💐

I have bloods last Tuesday and was told anywhere up to 2 weeks. Not sure if private clinics process results quicker.

@Dia12 fingers crossed the wait isn’t too much longer, I know personally I won’t settle until I have them.

@Dia12 thanks for the veggie tip. Any tips for TTC are appreciated! We’ve been healthy eating since new year. I was such a wee piggy when I was pregnant - all I wanted was nachos and chicken wings. I’m trying to get exercising too.

I’m so sorry people didn’t remember your due date. It must have been such a difficult day emotionally and another difficult milestone in your grieving. Strangely after we told people about what we’d been though, I found kindness came from people I didn’t expect and one of my best friends just became really distant. That’s good you had the day with your DH. I hope your results come quickly. Take care of yourself and your little one.

@URMysunshine4 that’s good your consultant was reassuring. Good luck for work tomorrow - I’ve found it’s been good to have a routine again. Hopefully your period arrives soon and you can have a party.

@Dia12 glad you and your husband managed to have a nice day. Sounds perfect and he’s right about you needing to stay happy and positive for the little one you’re growing xx

Sorry you found yourself in the same situation @mummabear40. Good luck Thursday @Mummabear40 hope the wait for results is quick for you too! Xx