Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC following a termination for abnormalities. Thread 7

[Kiki275]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise I'm pleased you've got to finally bring your boy home. Take some time together to rest, heal & cry.x

@hardyboys -I can relate I've never been able to get excited I knew before we tried for our first (I say tried we wanted her but weren't actually trying as we were awaiting our PGD appointment) that we had a genetic condition which had a 50/50 chance if being passed on -I have been pregnant 4 times and had to have CVS every time first DD was fine then had to have 2 TFMRs @13 weeks- both boys- and my little rainbow is 9 weeks old tomorrow she's laid on me atm feeling sorry for herself as she has just had her first lot of vaccinations! I never buy anything at all until the 3rd trimester and I requested this time to not be told the due date and forced myself not to work it out-I knew roughly when it was but when you have an actual date if you no longer have your baby that day is incredibly hard! Xxx

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise Yes, this phase is very hard.
@Mummabear40 and @Dia12 thanks for your kind words and really hope you get past the 20 weeks soon and get to enjoy your pregnancies. These first few weeks must be nerve racking! Did any of you have early scans with your FMU?
@hardyboys Hope everything goes well for you this time. I had CVS and I actually bled quite a bit after that. Hopefully the geneticist will be able to put your mind at rest soon.

I’m still passing clots and sometimes having pain which feels a bit like contractions. It has not even been a week though.

@MummyBearBoo That is a lot to go through! Glad your DD is safe and sound this time around ! Your story is really inspiring.

Thanks @Alice40p good luck xx

That’s great that you had counselling throughout. Was this through your GP?

@1stbabs It’s great that you had counselling throughout your pregnancy. Was this through your GP?

@Alice40p the bereavement midwife is arranging an early scan and trying to get it in before Christmas for us. We are also already booked in for 11 week private scan and NIPT to try abs put our minds at rest.

@Alice40p sending all my love, it’s such a terrible place to find yourself in ❤️

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise I hope you are doing ok with everything that’s going on. I’m 5 weeks today but I’ve still not contacted the midwife as I wanna wait till 6 weeks when you can really see if somethings there. Obviously I’m nervous of there being no baby in the sac and then the dreaded 12 week scan. If I wait till next Tuesday to email them
It will take them a few days to sort out an early scan with the EPU so I’m
Hoping to be 6+5 when they scan at the earliest

@Balajake they are sorting out my early scan at the moment and trying to get it in when I’ll be 6+5, rather than waiting for the year. I’m also very nervous like you and will not stop being nervous until I conclusively hear that it’s fine.

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise I'm glad your little boy is now at peace with you at home. Be kind to yourselves, I'll be thinking of you both 💕

@Alice40p the counselling I'm having now is actually through my work. But I did have a counsellor assigned through my bereavement midwife shortly after I lost my baby, we just didn't click. If it's something you'd like to try you should definitely mention to yours. It was arranged within a month of my TFMR xxx

Glad to hear you've been sorted a scan @Mummabear40 and that you're going to have one too @Balajake .. hopefully will help you to relax a little over Christmas x

I had a really good (hopefully last!) appointment with my midwife yesterday. I was explaining that I was feeling really apprehensive about going overdue due to higher risk of stillbirth, and she's let me book my own induction date. Booked in for 40 + 5 to allow him a little time to come on his own. Feeling really relieved that he'll be here within 2 weeks no matter what.

Hope everybody is doing ok xx

@1stbabs that's good news. Have they offered you a sweep first, so it's not straight to induction?
I delivered my son at 42weeks, knowing what I know now, I'll be doing the same as you, if and when we are fortunate enough to be in that position x

@Kiki275 Yes she's also booked me in for a sweep at 40 + 1, so hopefully we don't make it to the induction date anyway. Glad to hear you'd do the same thing too, sometimes I think I must come across as ott anxious to them. Anyway how are you doing? Xx

@Balajake and @Mummabear40 my FMU said they can offer me a early dating scan at 8/9 weeks if I get pregnant again. Could you ask for something like that so that you can go for your NIPT exactly at 10 weeks? I can imagine how anxious you must feel. I’m keeping everything crossed for you.

@1stbabs fab! I'm okay thanks. On TWW so AF due around Saturday. Also on day 3 of self isolation alongside my toddler. It's a nightmare trying to work & mind him but my manager is very understanding.

I think most people don't understand the realities of just what most TFMR mums go through. To a lot of people, the 12wk scan is just where they check baby is still alive, how many there are and the screening disorders (which only effect other people, never you). 20 weeks, you get to find out sex. I also don't want that to be any different, it should be a stress free & magical time. My friends have had prenatal issues, fertility issues and stillbirths, so whilst I wasn't exactly ignorant, I was very chilled out and firmly in the "it won't happen to me" camp.

Once we've been through this and lost our much wanted & previous babies, we reach out on ARC & this forum for example and hear so many heartbreaking stories. There are so many disorders I've heard of since loosing the boys. Plus, other forums about loss, MCs & stillbirths. Anyone dare tell me now I'm being OTT and they'll get read the riot act.
xx

@Kiki275 you are so right! The notion that those kind of things (mc, bad screening results, tfmr, stillbirths) only happen to "other people" is how most people feel in pregnancy I think. I certainly did the first time round. Sadly none of us here will ever be so naive again.

Self isolation, work and a toddler must be an interesting mix 😂 , hope you manage to get some work done. My fingers crossed for you this cycle too, sending lots of baby dust xxx

@Alice40p yeah I’ve been offered an early scan which they are currently trying to book just before 7 weeks. Midwife has called today and booked my booking in for 4th Jan, when I’m nearly 9 weeks.
I’ve booked a private NIPT and scan for exactly 11 weeks as when I called they said they are getting a lot of re-draw requests of late when it’s done at 10 weeks so their recommending 11 weeks at the moment. My last ones were both at 10 weeks.

@Kiki275 I have also done the WFH with a toddler so know how hard that is!

1stbabs I completely understand what you mean about feeling over anxious but you're not being over anxious. You're responding to your own experience and trying to negate it. You deserve to feel looked after and safe and like you're being listened to and cared for appropriately.

One of the ladies on the SANDS meeting I went to said something that really resonated with me about it. Basically she said when you have experienced the worst in pregnancy and baby loss, you go from being the rule, to being the exception, and from then on, you expect to be the exception because it's happened before, and you know the pain, so anything that isn't the worst would be a bonus. It made a lot of sense to me.

Oh God Kiki self isolation with a small one 😱 plus work, not fun! Wishing you luck! Fingers crossed for a weekend bfp!

Glad you're getting booked in and sorted mumma

Hope everyone is doing ok today

Another day another gender disappointment thread in AIBU, I need to stop going on them.

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise they are horrendous to read, but if it's the one trending, at least the OP doesn't get it either. My pet hate is the word "devastated". I'm sure every one of us on this thread truly knows what devastated actually means.x

You are so right. I never ever thought about till it happened to me. Now I’m going to go in there thinking it’s going to happen again. Maybe not trisomy 18 but it could be 13 or 21 or something if not heard of.
Now I’m just thinking I’m 40 and all my eggs are rubbish so it’s highly likely I’m gonna be going though that all again. To some people I may sound completely irrational but in my head it seems the only reasonable scenario.

I’m always a fear the worst kind of person

@Balajake I know what you mean. It is normal for people who have been through what we have been through to think like that. My bereavement midwife and FMU were saying they have seen most women even at our age go on to have a normal pregnancy and I very much hope that is the case for you.
@Kiki275, Yes, absolutely agree with what you said. Until it happens to you, all these are vague notions. Hope your work with toddler is going as well as it can!
@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise How are you feeling today?

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise Yes I think that's exactly it, the sad exception to the rule.. those gender disappointment threads are awful. When I lost my baby I had to hide all the pregnancy related threads for a few months. So many people just don't know how lucky they are to be pregnant with healthy babies. Hope you're feeling ok today x

@Balajake I feel exactly the same, I’m terrified and expecting it again whereas as I went into my other pregnancies pretty chilled. Being older definitely doesn’t help as the statistics get so worse don’t they. But we have to hope and cling onto that we couldn’t surely be that unlucky. x

@Mummabear40 @Balajake it's so hard to believe you won't be unlucky again, but you just have to keep remembering you're more likely to bring home healthy babies than not x