Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC following a termination for abnormalities. Thread 7

[Kiki275]

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope.

Thanks @Dia12 I'm awake feeding atm -she just eats all the time!! Xx

I think it’s going to be ok now. My cheapies are abit darker this morning. Think that frer must have been dodgy. Thanks girls now I can relax until I have to contact the midwife

I always have early scans because I’m older and have Ulcerative Colitis and am type 2 diabetic so I’ll be put on insulin in the next 4 or so weeks

That great news @Balajake such a relief for you xx

@Balajake really great news, congratulations xx

I think I’m out this cycle I’m 8DPO but have zero symptoms other than on off stomach for the last couple of days which could easily be signs of AF. I’m CD 24 and usually have 27 day cycles so not long to wait but expecting AF 😭

I do feel more at peace knowing he's at peace now. But then broke down last nigjt on DH with the guilt and what ifs. Compounded by it having been DSs 4th birthday so had quite a full on day of being cheerful for him. I want to start TTC in the new year, but I need to shift two stone so my BMI is lower. And I'm so scared to have it happen again. It's such a rollercoaster.

Balajake all those tests look positive! Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

So happy for you mummybearboo and treacle. You give me hope for the future.

How are.tou dia? How is everyone? Hope everyone has had a nice weekend.

@Mummabear40 the cycles I had no symptoms were the ones I got pregnant. Although at 7DPO I woke to a sharp pain just above my pubic bone that lasted around 4-5 seconds. At the time I thought it might be implantation and got a good feeling that I might be pregnant.

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise

I remember the day after my termination I was just numb. There’s no feeling quite like it, nobody gets it I remember my dad coming around and I was explaining it and he told me to try not to think about it ! At that moment I knew I was totally alone because nobody wants to talk about it because it makes them feel uncomfortable. I’ve been a bit of a mess these past few months TTC and each month nothing I was so close to giving up. This place has been a godsend for me as you all know where I’ve been emotionally. From my first post when Edwards was suspected to confirmation then going in for my TFMR I had you good ladies.

Now I have another anxious journey ahead and I want you to know that we can all get through this together day by day. Even when our own family and friends don’t get it , we have each other.

I’m so glad I can vent here, cry here, be happy and sad here and there’s no judgment here only understanding and hope. Just take one day at a time ❤️❤️❤️

Thanks @AlexaPlayWhiteNoise .

I wouldn't attach too much weight to symptoms so early on I've been pregnant 4 times and never had symptoms before 5 weeks pregnant (after missing a period)!

Thank you all too my last TFMR was July 2019 but you've been here for me thru this pregnancy when I had the CVS at 11 weeks knowing there was a 50% chance this pregnancy would end with another TFMR but now I'm cuddling my baby thanks so much for your support xx

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise I had a wobble yesterday as we put the tree up with our toddler and I was so happy, then out of nowhere the grief hit again, as our second was due at Christmas.

This group has been everything since our loss in July as no one else understands. It also gives me hope for our future seeing lots of you conceive and go on to have healthy babies.

@MummyBearBoo @Balajake I know you’re right about symptoms, it’s so hard not to question everything when you’re so desperate. I had no symptoms with my first healthy boy until about 5-6 weeks and actually didn’t test positive until I was over 6 weeks, I had an implantation bleed and thought it was my period. Whereas with my TFMR baby I had early symptoms and early BFP!
I need to hold tight, only a few more days.

I had pink discharge from around 16dpo with Millie. I just knew something was wrong and kept saying to my husband as I’d never had that before. I knew she was a girl too straight away as I just had that feeling.
Not getting girl or boy vibes at all this time but I’m not bothered either way as long as they are ok on there

I think I’m out this cycle 😭 I’m on CD 25, 9DPO but had a huge bbt drop this morning below the cover line. When my bbt drops it always means AF is arriving the next day. Which means it would be arriving 2-3 days early. Absolutely devastated 😭

Oh @Mummabear40 I'm so sorry to hear this. Getting the warning signs are heartbreaking. I'm sure it's no consolation but I always prefer it to arrive early if it's going to arrive at all. I find the waiting worse, especially if it's late. Huge hugs from me.x

@Kiki275 thank you. I’m utterly heartbroken as being pregnant for Christmas is now off for me, so not only will I not have my baby in my arms, I will not be pregnant either which was the thing I so desperately wanted. x

Oh mummabear I'm so sorry, that I'd absolutely shit. Massive hug from me.

You are all so right about people not getting it. My Dad has decided I should go on antidepressants. Which yeah, at some point maybe, but it's been a month from hell, I'm only just digesting what has happened. Whilst trying to keep everything normal for my eldest. Maybe just give me a bit if breathing room eh Dad? 🤦

@Mummabear40 but you could still conceive a little Xmas miracle. That would kick 2021 off to a wonderful start xx

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise the things people come out with are just plain stupid.
People keep asking me about counselling, have I been offered or had any? My response is the same every time. I just want to get together with friends, enjoy some food & wine, get tipsy, talk about my boys and have a good cry if I want to. Hugs are the best therapy for me. This stupid virus and living in the North are not a good combo. I nearly cried when the latest tiers were announced.x

@Mummabear40

I think I’m out this cycle 😭 I’m on CD 25, 9DPO but had a huge bbt drop this morning below the cover line. When my bbt drops it always means AF is arriving the next day. Which means it would be arriving 2-3 days early. Absolutely devastated 😭

Drop could also be implantation dip

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise it really is so shit. Struggling to deal with it tbh.
People do not get it at all, you’ve had an insanely crap month and no way could you have even digested it yet

@Kiki275 yes I could just sneak in a pre new year BFP xx

Unless you’re used to AF arriving super early then a bbt drop at 9dpo could me a major indicator for implantation. I’d not give up hope just yet hun

@Balajake it doesn’t usually arrive early no, usually day 27 at the earliest, I’ll keep a tiny bit of hope. The key is the bbt tomorrow, hopefully it’ll rise 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

It's madness isn't it. It's literally been 3 weeks to the day since I had the scan. And apparently I should be cheering up by now, or taking some medication to make me cheer up. Or at least, that's been implied.

We had planned to go to my parents for Christmas, stay over, do all the Christmas eve stuff there But my dsis and BIL have moved in for a month (nothing to do with covid, just between rentals) and I genuinely don't know if I can deal with it. I'll get crucified if I say no to it though.

Kiki I'm the same, decompressing with friends and wine, maybe crying and talking about my baby. We're in GM so no end in sight, I know how you feel. It's so shit. Massive hug off me.

Mumma I really hope it's implantation and not AF. How are you feeling other than temp dip?

Balajake how are you doing today?

My experience just echos previous posters too in that over the past 3m since my tfmr I've also realised that I am very much alone in this.
My family seem to have forgotten what's happened already, like it was just an usual period I had and not in fact delivered and buried a real baby. Friends have been better, although one practically forced me out to a spa day - don't get me wrong it was much appreciated but she spent the whole time talking about online dating and changed the topic when I spoke about how I was feeling.
I'd rather just have been left alone. I've struggled a lot and it's only the last three weeks or so where things have improved - that's mainly due to the counselling I've received and I feel like perhaps we can salvage things again from this hot mess.

And looks that was just in time, as I got a faint BFP at 11dpo a few days ago. Im now 15dpo and tests lines are getting stronger. I'm still in utter disbelief as even though I was testing I felt it was in vain as chances were so slim.

I wanted to mention it before in the group but can't even get myself to put in writing as I'm absolutely petrified.
I'm scared of the heartache it will bring if it doesn't stick and of the endless anxiety coming my way if it does.
I had such a sob the day I found out as all it made me think about was my baby I was carrying only 4m ago and wishing it was the same pregnancy.

Also, my BBT has been dropping through the days I've been testing (for @Mummabear40's reference) so it's still possible to get pregnant.

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise @Kiki275 I really cannot wait to catch up with friends and have a good drink and cry. I’m fortunate that my NCT friends from my first born have been amazing and one of them has also experienced a TFMR so has been great help.
I hope desperately that’s it’s implantation bleeding tbh and am clinging to that for tonight.

@Dia12 this is incredible news, your TFMR was at a similar time to mine so I’m so happy for you xx

@mummabear40 I thought my bbt had dropped due to an early af and then had brown blood. Turns out it was an implantation drop and implantation bleed a day or two later. Have everything crossed for you x

My latest TFMR baby would have been due 10th Jan 2020 we got pregnant later that month there are upsides to not having a baby until after Xmas -if conceived late Dec/Jan they're usually the oldest in the school year and you can have a drink over Xmas-I can't drink loads coz I'm breastfeeding but wasn't pregnant last Xmas and not this one either! So I can have Brie and blue cheese with the cheese and biscuits and a glass of wine with my dinner!!! Good luck to you all xxx

@AlexaPlayWhiteNoise

It's madness isn't it. It's literally been 3 weeks to the day since I had the scan. And apparently I should be cheering up by now, or taking some medication to make me cheer up. Or at least, that's been implied.

We had planned to go to my parents for Christmas, stay over, do all the Christmas eve stuff there But my dsis and BIL have moved in for a month (nothing to do with covid, just between rentals) and I genuinely don't know if I can deal with it. I'll get crucified if I say no to it though.

Kiki I'm the same, decompressing with friends and wine, maybe crying and talking about my baby. We're in GM so no end in sight, I know how you feel. It's so shit. Massive hug off me.

Mumma I really hope it's implantation and not AF. How are you feeling other than temp dip?

Balajake how are you doing today?

I’m doing ok. Tests are still good