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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 6

999 replies

Treaclepie19 · 16/03/2020 10:15

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

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Treaclepie19 · 08/06/2020 13:28

It's so tricky. Generally I do fine with it. Our little boy died in December 2018 so I've had plenty of time. Just some days people say things and I think, ugh. Maybe I'm wrong.

Still today is a new day Smile

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Balajake · 08/06/2020 14:16

@treaclepie19 a little girl 😚 how wonderful ❤️

BooMamaBear · 08/06/2020 15:28

@Treaclepie19 -you were much further along than I was so I think I find it easier for me but yes I hope today is a better day for you! Xx

Treaclepie19 · 08/06/2020 15:57

Thanks @Balajake 😊 DS is a little bit displeased that it might not be a boy haha. I'm a mix. Guilty that I feel happy to be having a girl and sad for our little boy that we never got to bring him home.

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AlmondsAndChocolate · 09/06/2020 06:58

Hi everyone,
I've been lurking for a couple of weeks now and have finally found the courage to join this thread! It's been lovely reading the posts about pregnancies going well after heartbreaking experiences.
I had a tfmr on May 1st due to trisomy 18. Initially I thought I was going to wait till September before we'd start trying again. I've now decided I will only get more anxious as time goes by, not less. I'm on cycle day 6 today and can't wait to get started.
My emotions are still all over the place though. I have moments where I feel calm and appreciate what I have (I have two gorgeous DC aged 5 and 3) and moments where I feel overwhelmed by sadness for the loss of our daughter.
My best friend is expecting her second baby, she told me yesterday and while I am very happy for her, her news reduced me to tears. I now feel awful that I can't be 100% happy for someone else's pregnancy, I feel like an evil person! I am exhausted and tearful day, I've hardly slept. Sorry for the rant, I needed to talk to someone about this apart from my poor DH.

Buzz22 · 09/06/2020 08:48

@AlmondsAndChocolate Hello and Welcome. I'm so sorry for you loss. It's such a horrible club to join.
Please dont feel bad for ranting. This is the right place for it. I used to feel like I was always bringing the mood down talking about our son till I was shown this group. Everyone is so lovely and supportive.
I completely understand the mixed emotions about a friends pregnancy. My 2 best friends gave birth to their lovely babies a week and half after my due date. It's a very confusing and complicated series of emotions, but I'm sure your friend will be empathetic and be feeling some sort of guilt herself. It's hard not to feel like an angry, jealous person but like I say I think everyone would agree it's a normal way to feel given the circumstances. Dont be hard on yourself and feel all the feelings. Dont bottle it up, it doesnt help.
I was also like you in that I felt the need to be pregnant again as soon as possible. I had 1 period between TFMR and conceiving.
Good luck and fingers crossed for the next stage of your journey 🤞

1stbabs · 09/06/2020 11:34

Hi @AlmondsAndChocolate welcome and I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girl. Those feelings of hurt of other people's pregnancy are totally normal. My close friend is due any day now, and before I got pregnant again I would burst into tears every time I saw her. You're not a bad person at all, you are grieving. Wishing you loads of luck in your TTC journey, and we're all here when you need to talk ❤️

AlmondsAndChocolate · 09/06/2020 12:00

Thanks for your replies, you've made me cry! I'm at work hiding in the spare room and crying.
I have friends I could talk to in real life but I feel like I keep saying the same things over and over again, so I've stopped talking about it. I'm also really struggling with the fact that my parents show no interest at all, after the tfmr it took them three weeks to ask me how I was! I think my dad thinks I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. My mum avoids the topic because she is afraid of saying something that might upset me. She doesn't realise that her silence is the thing that upsets me the most. I wish I could talk to her but I have no idea where to start, we just don't have that kind of relationship.
@1stbabs thanks for saying I'm not a bad person, I'm grieving. I would never have looked at it that way.

Really need to get back to work now, thanks for listening!

MummyBearBoo · 09/06/2020 13:29

@AlmondsAndChocolate -welcome but sorry you find yourself here-your reaction to your best friend is totally normal when I had my first TFMR my SIL was due the day after me and my niece was born 3 days after my EDD. I felt awful coz I have a lovely niece but felt angry and jealous coz I'd lost my son!! (My SIL also had her 12w scan the day after my CVS and announced her pregnancy on FB which was the same day I found out my son had T21 - which she knew that was hard - he also had a more serious chromosomal abnormality too which I found out a couple of days later it's hard to try and be happy for someone whilst you're grieving!
Until I got pregnant this time I hated seeing other people being pregnant and flinched everytime friends told me they were pregnant!
Fingers crossed for you hun!! Xx

Kath544 · 10/06/2020 18:33

Hi @AlmondsAndChocolate so sorry you find yourself here. It’s all so early for you - I’m five months on and approaching my 12 week scan for a subsequent pregnancy on Monday. I had my harmony test on Monday and it is likely I will get the results the day of the scan - though as it’s at 930am probably not before I go in. It’s going to be very stressful, especially on my own. Who knows where I will be in a week. Trying to not think about it too much this week but the weekend is going to be tough...

MummyBearBoo · 10/06/2020 18:49

🤞results are good @Kath544 xx

AlmondsAndChocolate · 10/06/2020 19:12

@Kath544 I hope all goes well on Monday! Waiting for results is so stressful. Having to go on your own makes it even more stressful in my opinion. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

I'm feeling a bit better today, I've accepted that my failure to be as happy as I should be for my friend is my grief speaking. I wouldn't be feeling like this normally.
The termination was nearly six weeks ago and while the last weeks have dragged on, I realise it's all still very early and it's normal to feel the way I do. I was feeling slightly more hopeful last week but the pregnancy announcement has set me back quite a bit. I suppose there are going to be many more ups and downs during the next months.

ShootingStar2020 · 13/06/2020 08:01

Morning ladies

Catching up on your posts.

@Treaclepie19 - really so happy to hear you are ok and congratulations on having a girl. Very exciting!

@Kath544 - the waiting is so hard but it will be worth it. I had to wait 14 days for my Harmony which felt like an eternity. When I did get the results I was shaking! It helped me that the scan was the same day so you get all the answers/reassurance at once. Thinking of you.

@AlmondsAndChocolate - hello and what a tough time you have had especially during the lockdown. I waited two cycles before trying again after my TMFR in October last year. I have just turned 41 so felt time was against me also. Trying again helped me as it did to deal with the 2 miscarriages I had before DD1. I think you have to go with your heart and do what feels right for you and your DH. Sending you lots of virtual hugs. Xxxx

1stbabs · 14/06/2020 20:27

Hi ladies, hope everybody is ok this weekend. 13 + 2 today and have my 12 week scan tomorrow, the wait now just feels like torture 😫. Dreading it but trying to stay positive.

My fingers crossed for your scan and results tomorrow too @Kath544 🤞🏽 Hope tomorrow is a good day for both of us! X

Kath544 · 14/06/2020 21:23

Thank you @1stbabs, you too. Wish you all the best. I’m scared stiff. Think it’s going to be a sleepless night xx

MummyBearBoo · 15/06/2020 07:11

Good luck @1stbabs and @Kath544!

I was 23 weeks yesterday! Xx

Treaclepie19 · 15/06/2020 11:45

Good luck ladies 🤞❤

Im 24 weeks on Wednesday. Time is going so fast and slow at the same time.
I have my private scan tomorrow!

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MummyBearBoo · 15/06/2020 11:57

Wow 24 Weeks looking forward to getting there viability age! @Treaclepie19 -I totally get you it does seem to have sped up a bit but coz I've got another scan at fetal medicine on 7th July it seems to be taking ages to get there!! Saw my in laws in the garden on Saturday they brought a cardy my MIL knitted in pink, some body suits and baby gro's we haven't bought anything for baby yet so this is the first stuff we have! Xx

Treaclepie19 · 15/06/2020 12:04

I know, it's starting to feel a bit real. We let ourselves buy all the big stuff this weekend which was scary but exciting.

Been holding off on clothes but going to buy them after tomorrow. Next scan at the hospital is around 32 weeks. I havent had an appointment through yet though so will have to phone them!

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1stbabs · 15/06/2020 17:57

Thanks ladies, thankfully everything went well! I'm now 13 + 5 and have my fetal medicine scan in 3 weeks. Feeling relieved that baby's ok for now.

Lovely to hear you've been out buying/been gifted things! It must make everything feel more real x

Buzz22 · 15/06/2020 18:36

Congratulations @1stbabs 💜

Hope all was ok today @Kath544

@Treaclepie19 well done that's so brave! I'm struggling with the early October babies thread now. I cant bring myself to start buying anything in case something goes wrong. I know it's silly but it really seems like jinxing things. On the thread everyone is so lovely but all the talk of prams, cots, car seats ect is for some reason really triggering me. I cant get excited and buy anything yet. Im nearly 24 weeks and all we have is some newborn baby grows a friend gave me and I cant even look through the bag.

Treaclepie19 · 15/06/2020 19:01

@Buzz22 that's understandable. I think im just burying my head in the sand now and telling myself it'll be fine. You do what's right for you, there's no hurry ❤

Glad all was well @1stbabs!! Smile

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otterbaby · 15/06/2020 19:29

@Buzz22 I totally get where you're coming from. For ages I felt the same - that I was going to jinx it by buying things. I actually cried the day we booked the NCT course because the last time we booked it, I had to email them a few weeks later and tell them we needed to cancel because our baby died. You've still got 4 months so plenty of time still. And really, you can get most of it on amazon prime once the baby is here!

Kath544 · 15/06/2020 20:07

Hi all. Thanks for thinking of me today. I had the scan this morning after a v difficult almost 90 min wait and the nt measured 1.1 at 11weeks2days and then I got my harmony results just before five this afternoon which showed low probability and less than 10,000 chance of baby being affected by the three main trisomonies. Such such a relief and I’ve cried for quite a while. It feels like five months of fear since when it all happened was released. So quite the feeling but I also felt v sad in some ways for the baby we lost that wasn’t so lucky. The guilt never goes in some ways I think. Oh and we’re having another boy! So that’s something to be pleased about!

Kath544 · 15/06/2020 20:08

So glad yours went ok too @1stbabs xx