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Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities - Thread 6

999 replies

Treaclepie19 · 16/03/2020 10:15

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began (almost ten years ago!) there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

@Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
@Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
@Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
@Cantdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
@Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
@NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
@Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
@Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
@GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
@LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
@Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
@Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
@Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
@Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
@VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
@LisbethSalander - baby boy 7/11
@Stormbird – George 24/07/11
@Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
@Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
@Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
@Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
@NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
@Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
@Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
@Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
@Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
@MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
@Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
@Katerina100 – baby girl 19/04/2012
@flower11 – Hannah 18/10/2012
@Bluecat83 – Noah est 24/10/2012
@katiecubs – Seth 05/02/2013
@Havingkittens – Alfred 14/04/2013
@ghislane – Frederick 22/10/2013
@lostlove – baby boy est 10/04/14
@AliBingo – baby boy est 06/05/14
@LuckyAugust –baby boy 26/01/2015

OP posts:
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12
CorkViaDublin · 29/10/2020 07:12

Bpas and NUPAS have not called me back.
I can’t wait for travel to be allowed so, through a reputable source, I got mifepristone and misopro.

My plan is to take the mife now- I’ve just done it- and then tomorrow take the first 4 miso while sitting outside the maternity hospital and as soon as I start to bleed or as soon as it’s inevitable to go into Casualty and say I think I’m having a miscarriage

Does anyone have any experience like this ?
Will I be safe in hospital ? Is it possible I go in there and it’s not progressed enough for them to treat me as a miscarriage?
How painful will it be?

Kiki275 · 29/10/2020 08:26

@CorkViaDublin my heart is absolutely breaking for you. Personally, I wouldn't wait outside maternity. Stay home and be comfortable, have you anyone who can stay with you and drive you to the hospital if needed? Please don't go through this alone. It might be different here but I'd go to maternity triage or EPU.xx

CorkViaDublin · 29/10/2020 09:06

Yeah i meant I would wait outside the maternity hospital and just present to casualty in there claiming to be having a miscarriage.I just hope there’s no fetal heartbeat and that they don’t send me home

Kiki275 · 29/10/2020 09:12

@CorkViaDublin I wish I could help in some way. What will happen if you're honest about the meds you've taken?x

Mummabear40 · 29/10/2020 10:39

@CorkViaDublin I really feel for you and don’t really have any advice to offer. However I was also 15 weeks when I had my TFMR and it didn’t bring on a miscarriage as a bleed, it essentially induced labour. So I lost my mucus plug, had contractions, my water broke and I delivered normally, it was was incredibly traumatic and I absolutely would not recommend you bring this on yourself or go through this on your own. Can you call your maternity day unit for advice? Sending you so many hugs xx

CorkViaDublin · 29/10/2020 10:53

@Mummabear40 oh god I’m terrified. I can’t tell them because its illegal and my private consultant would be in a very tricky position. Hopefully they can give me pain relief in there??

Kiki275 · 29/10/2020 11:03

@CorkViaDublin you would hopefully be given the same pain relief as in a normal labour, so paracetamol, gas and air, pethidine or even epidural if needed. First and foremost your safety and well-being has to come first!x

Kiki275 · 29/10/2020 11:08

@CorkViaDublin can you get in touch with MarieStopes? They might also be able to advise on your situation x
www.mariestopes.org.uk/abortion-services/travelling-from-northern-ireland/travelling-from-ireland/

Mummabear40 · 29/10/2020 11:15

@Kiki275 @CorkViaDublin MarieStopes is a great suggestion.

I would hope you’d be given pain relief but I don’t know the rules there. xx

CorkViaDublin · 30/10/2020 04:10

So here’s how it went- posting for anyone in similar situation and not at all advocating that this is the right thing to do
Where possible go to a safe place and have a TFMR

I took the mifepristone 4pm Wednesday- no side effects at all. I was told to take the miso 36-48 hours later. But at 4pm Thursday I decided to present to casualty with “cramping”.
They did all the checks and because I’m a private patient they kept me in.
At this point I had received an appointment at NUPAS for TFMR next Saturday week but I’m too scared to travel to another country with covid.

I asked my partner to bring me in the other tablets now they were admitting me. He did. At 4:30, in my own room, I slipped two misoprostol behind my mask. Cramping happened after two hours. My consultant arrived and examined at 6:30 and said the next of my womb was open just a finger tip and she suspected I would miscarry. She talked me thru and gave me heavy pain meds. Pethadine I think

At 7:30 no blood yet so I took two more. Cramping got pretty bad. I was nil by mouth because they were concerned the heart beat would stop and at that point they could legally step in

10:30 i took 2 more miso and got more pain relief. They didn’t know I was taking the miso

At 1:30 contractions were SO SORE even without the perhadine. I had vomiting and diarrhoea but a nurse rubbed my back and after a short sharp contraction i passed everything.

Bleeding has largely stopped. A few more clots are expected. My doctor will
Scan me in the morning and find my uterus empty and if there’s something to be done she will do it surgically.

It’s not ideal. It’s not the safest way. But for me it allowed me to be under the care of doctors who care for me who wanted to help but were bound by law. Thank you all so much for your support

Kiki275 · 30/10/2020 08:53

@CorkViaDublin I'm so sorry it had to be that way but I am pleased you were treated well despite everything. Take care of yourself x

Mummabear40 · 30/10/2020 10:11

@CorkViaDublin I’m glad you managed to go through everything in a safe environment, sending you hugs and hope your recovery is ok xx

MummyBearBoo · 30/10/2020 11:26

@CorkViaDublin - that must be so hard I can't believe it's still illegal you are so strong to go thru that!!
Is pain relief usually given coz I pretty much had to beg for some in my first TFMR after throwing up and passing out -they eventually gave me a morphine injection as I couldn't stop throwing up - the second time I refused morphine as I wanted to go home same day (didn't work out due to blood loss ended up in for a few days) but they didn't have any other pain relief to give me they don't even have gas and air coz I was on a gyne assessment unit not a maternity one so had no pain relief!
This time my healthy baby was born just over 3 weeks ago and as expected I lost a lot more blood than normal That's baby making done for me 4 pregnancies and 2 healthy babies I can't go thru this again with my odds of being 50/50 as to whether I need a TFMR or not!! Hope you're all keeping well!!xx

CorkViaDublin · 30/10/2020 11:44

I don’t know what standard practise is but they never considered leaving me in pain. The strong stuff worked but did make me a bit ‘out of it’. I really hope we can conceive again soon :(

Mummabear40 · 30/10/2020 12:18

@MummyBearBoo we were fortunate with our TFMR as our hospital has a delivery suite for this type of this that’s joined to the maternity ward. So we had a lovely room with Ensuite and kitchen and as much pain relief as I wanted, they were adamant they didn’t want we in pain. x

Redhead43 · 30/10/2020 13:08

@CorkViaDublin I’m so sorry you had to do it that way. I also can’t believe the difference in laws in such a small distance! Im glad once in hospital they cared for you properly and you got pain relief. Like @Mummabear40 I was lucky to have a private room on a gynae ward with en-suite and was offered whatever pain relief I wanted. I had Paracetamol, codeine along side anti sickness injections throughout the day and then gas and air for the delivery xx

Kiki275 · 30/10/2020 17:08

Similar here, we had the heartbeats stopped at the FMU but I requested delivery at my local maternity unit. They had one (now two) purpose butterfly/comfort rooms, where we could both stay overnight after taking the first tablet and before the pessaries. Can't fault the staff, they were so lovely. I didn't want Pethidine as it knocked me silly with my son but managed on gas and air. I requested an epidural and could have had one but delivered minutes later. Huge hugs to you, I hope you get your rainbow baby soon but allow yourself some time to heal if you need it xx

Treaclepie19 · 31/10/2020 01:31

@CorkViaDublin I am so very sorry that you've had to go through this. It's so unfair that this was your only option. I'm glad they at least looked after you well.

Sorry I've been so quiet on here ladies. Our little girl is nearly 6 weeks now and I've found everything more overwhelming than I'd expected.

@MummyBearBoo they said to me with my tfmr that I could have whatever pain relief I wanted. I had morphine but regretted it because it made me really sick.
I've had 4 pregnancies now and 2 healthy children too. For me only one was tfmr and the other a miscarriage. I'm done having babies now I reckon.

Sending lots of love to you all x

OP posts:
Kiki275 · 31/10/2020 08:17

@Treaclepie19 I hope you don't mind but I've taken the liberty of starting the next thread as this one is nearly full. I find it reassuring that you started this one full of hope and ended it with news of your rainbow xx

Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC following a termination for abnormalities. Thread 7 http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenataltestss_choices/4065571-support-thread-for-women-who-are-pregnant-or-ttc-following-a-termination-for-abnormalities-thread-7

MummyBearBoo · 31/10/2020 13:25

I think the hospital I had my TFMRs at is crap I've had problems everytime I've been there which is a lot as they have the gyne unit! I've had my babies at a different hospital and they've been great and that's also where fetal medicine is based!! Xxx

JennyMY · 04/02/2021 15:00

Our little one is here 😊💙
Arthur Adrian Hughes, 5lb 14oz, and a tiny bundle of cuteness! (37+3)
C section was absolutely fine, had a lovely team in theatre. Only issue was getting the spinal in - took over an hour and 3 positions to get between the knobbles of my spine!!
Covid restrictions mean Daddy has now been sent away for 3 hours til visiting time. 😕
But just so grateful for this little rainbow after a very difficult journey. 💙🥰🌈

Dia12 · 04/02/2021 16:50

Aw congratulations @JennyMY! How beautiful is your little boy 🥰 you must be over the moon!
The spinal sounds horrid, but glad you're both doing well. Enjoy xx

Dia12 · 04/02/2021 16:50

Ps. Do update everyone on the next thread

Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC following a termination for abnormalities. Thread 7 http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenataltestss_choices/4065571-support-thread-for-women-who-are-pregnant-or-ttc-following-a-termination-for-abnormalities-thread-7

Biddy93 · 19/03/2021 19:14

Hey Guys
Just checking in for some love and support ❤️
My partner and I said goodbye January last year to our first due to fetal abnormalities
It was a girl with Down syndrome but she had a major heart defect and unfortunately had little hope of surviving 😓 was painful but we believe it was the right choice for her 💕
We are currently just seven weeks pregnant and I am feeling the same icky nausea, fatigue and tender breasts 🤞
My other half is excited and happy and I’m terrified 🥺 any advice would be greatly appreciated 💕

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